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September 16, 2008

I can’t believe I’m sharing these pictures

I look so funny in these pictures, I can’t even stand it. But I haven’t shared pictures in a while and this is the proof that I did the race. Here I am in my chubby-ass glory.

So first, there was the swim. My swim cap was so tight it was pushing down my eye in a weird way and I look so goofy. It really is distorting my face.

Notice though, the fit woman behind me, I beat her out of the water. Also those women in the yellow and green hats behind us were sent out in the wave before us, so we kicked a few asses.

Then there was the bike where I thought I would recover for the run.

Not so much. The first two pictures of me running I’m trying to open those nutra-beans or whatever they’re called. I’m hoping they’ll give me a little boost, not so much, I just look like I can’t even take a break from stuffing my face to run a race.

There I am crossing the finish line. At least I managed to jog that part.

As it turns out I did well on my swim. I have serious racer friends who didn’t do as well as me in a half mile swim. I did average to pretty good on the bike and so crappy on the run. Had I focused on walking I probably could have walked faster than my half walk half run.

Oh well. I’m hooked. My friend and I are already picking new races and planning our training strategy for next year. One aspect includes doing weight watchers together. I know how much it helps to have a workout partner, so I hope the same will apply to WW.

I’ll continue to write how much and in the different ways I think training for this race has helped me.

Posted by hopeful @ 9:43 PM • Comments (19)

December 23, 2007

Don't Sweat It pictures

(click the link below for more pics.)

Posted by hopeful @ 9:44 AM • Comments (5)

April 3, 2006

Virtual Me

Here is a picture of me in my bathing suit. Buying this nightmare was a bit traumatizing. I recently got rid of my old bathing suit, that had I ever wore to my dentist’s office I would have disappeared under the camouflage of the wallpaper. I had to get a suit for our mini-vacation last weekend.

I’ve been enjoying my body lately despite being stuck on an eternal plateau and having a ways to go to get to my goal. I was nervous to have to deal with looking for a bathing suite for fear it would totally throw off my perception. And that’s what happened. The denial that blurred my vision abated and the rolls became increasingly loud and clear.

I new I had to go one piece and black was the safest color. Without some cosmetic surgery I probably shouldn’t attract too much attention to my body at any weight. I saw these bathing suits that claimed to be body shapers, and thinking that would be great I chose my size and tried it on.

I gasped, not only because it looked terrible but because I couldn’t breathe. It practically sucked the weight from below my chin and pushed it out the leg holes, making my thighs look like they were going to explode. I wear a size 12 but had to go with a 16. Unfortunately this made the boobs and the butt too loose. I went with it because I couldn’t stand the thought of trying on another one.

The suit is slightly less unflattering outside of the dressing room. Anywhoo, here it is. Now roll your mouse over it and see a slightly improved me. I was inspired by this post. It’s still a work in progress, photo re-touching is pretty hard and too time consuming (when I’m not getting paid). I didn’t do a great job but maybe it will help me envision my goal. In the past I’ve actually super imposed my head on a model’s body. That was fun and maybe I’ll try that again too.

I know I have to stop eating like I’ve been eating each weekend to achieve this goal in real life, but for now it’s fun to dream.

Posted by hopeful @ 12:28 AM • Comments (13)

February 18, 2006

Progress photos re-commence

The last time I took a progress photo was this past October, four months ago. That’s when my plateau and some yo-yoing started. I feel like I’m going to resume the losing again, albeit slowly and reluctantly. I’m not reluctant but my fat sure seems to be.

I don’t even want to see the first picture anymore. That was a year ago now! I’ve been doing this for a year… wow. Happy re-birthday to me.

After an unofficial weigh-in this morning I’m still 161, two pounds less than the last progress picture where I weighed 163. There is virtually no difference in the pictures. My underwear covered more in the last one and maybe that looks a little more flattering. The perspective is a little further away too.

October ‘05	February ‘06

I'm definitely in "I wanna supress it ever happened" mode. I don't like to look at the before picture anymore. It motivates me enough that I like the way I look in current pictures.

February '05	February '06

Posted by hopeful @ 11:48 AM • Comments (9)

January 29, 2006

166 progress photo! Thanks Pasta Queen

I weighed in at 166 yesterday because I couldn’t contain myself from peaking at the scale. Also, I wanted the precise weight at the time the picture was taken. Obviously it didn’t occur to me that I wasn’t showered or hadn’t even combed my hair. Notice the mailing address labels on my left hand? My daughter started plastering me with stickers and threw a tantrum when I tried to remove them. Between that and the booger smears across my chest I feel really fresh.

This picture didn’t come out great, not because of poor hygiene, but because I have some weird shadows that I couldn’t isolate to remove (without a lot of work). The shadow is too close to my skin color in some places and I didn’t want to take the time to do it right.

I was so excited to use Pasta Queen's technique that I didn’t pick a more flattering outfit or anything. I might as well have wrapped myself in rubber bands to look like a stuffed sausage. Oh well, this is a one time deal to commemorate a new beginning for me. Rotating progress will remain exclusively Pasta Queen’s signature. She’s my hero.

I will be posting my regular progress photos more often, once again, because there will be progress! I’ll also get some stats up from my calorie counting reports, etc. Where the heck do these weekends go? I get one tenth of what I think I’ll do actually done.

Thanks again P.Q., you’re the coolest.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:43 AM • Comments (4)

December 14, 2005

Happy Holidays 2004

Here is the Christmas card I created last year. I don’t remember precisely what I weighed then but it was at least 200 lbs. Most likely I was 211.

I purposely chose an idea that would seriously limit the amount of body I revealed. My face carries the least amount of fat and it still looks big. I will try and find a normal picture of my face as it is now or take a new one so we can see if there’s a difference.

I am NOT photogenic and don’t have a ton of pictures of myself. I swear I’m not just saying that. I don’t think I’m ugly, I just can’t pose for a picture. Candid ones look OK but when I try to look normal for the camera every muscle in my face tenses up. I look as though I’ve just skied down a huge mountain in below zero temperatures and it froze that wacky expression on my face.

Posted by hopeful @ 1:29 PM • Comments (7)

November 23, 2005

Here we have it! Me on my wedding day.

Tomorrow I'll get dressed up in that outfit again and post the pictures of me in it now so we can compare! :-)

I'm not sure why I have a wacky face on like I just popped in a sour patch candy. I had just finished crying.

The mayor of our town married us. He gets a pink dot.

Have a Happy Holiday!

Posted by hopeful @ 10:14 PM • Comments (13)

November 7, 2005

What the *eff*

What could possibly be wrong with me to make me feel like I would hold a man at gun point for his cream cheese bagel? Thank goodness they’re readily available at bagel shops.

I wish I could post this as my progress picture for this month. I know I could never fool you guys though. Aside from the yellow dot being a dead give away (mine are always pink) you guys know I’m not currently (nor have I ever been) in jail.

A girl can dream, though, can’t she?
Just think of all the weight I’d lose in jail.

Posted by hopeful @ 12:29 AM • Comments (3)

October 10, 2005

Nude Nude October

The scale said 163 this morning. I've lost 3 pounds this past week!

Since the last picture was taken I've lost 9 pounds. I've noticed a sizable loss in my thighs (as determined by my pants more than the picture). That belly keeps morphing into different shapes as it has a life of its own.

I should be more aware of the outfit that I use for the photos too. Those underware cinch me right in the middle of my tummy and the pattern is enough to make you puke. I bought them in a pack of a million for three bucks or something. When I hit goal (and get a job) I'll spend some money and treat myself to something nice. (Then I'll have to start charging for access to my photos instead of begging and torturing people to look at them. ;-) )

September	October

I love showing the before and the latest but lately it is getting harder to look at that first one. I'm not sure why. I think I'm going into "I wanna supress it ever happened" mode.

February	October

Cringing but happy too.

Posted by hopeful @ 9:10 AM • Comments (13)

September 27, 2005

More pictures - full frontal (eeeww)

Announcement: A producer from CBS contacted me and is looking for someone to discuss the effect of weight loss and dieting on hair loss. I have been having some serious hair loss. I’ll discuss that later. He was looking from someone close to NYC. If you are and are interested in talking with him let me know. I’ll tell him about you and maybe he’ll contact you.

On to the pictures! I’m not really due for my monthly progress photos yet but I thought it would be fun to compare the front version that I never use. You’ll notice that in the beginning I airbrushed out my tattoo. Now, anybody who knows about the tattoo already knows about the website so I don’t have to bother.

Pretty crazy.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:33 AM • Comments (17)

September 6, 2005

Nude September

The scale said 172 this morning. It was teetering between 171 and 172 (so close)! That's ok since I did indulge this holiday weekend, so I'm not too unhappy about it.

Since the last picture was taken I've only lost 6 pounds. Kinda looks like it came from my belly. Also my back roll is smoothing out. I look taller in the most recent pic too. Me like.

August	September

Here are the outlines superimposed over each other. The pink is the most recent profile.

I always have to show the first picture and the latest

February	September

Speechless.

Posted by hopeful @ 9:44 AM • Comments (16)

August 22, 2005

My New Outfit

Here you have it. This is the cute outfit I bought from Torrid to wear to the office. We are allowed to dress casual, but no jeans. I don't think there are any official rules but everyone always dresses nice. The shirt is a nice rich chocolate brown with white polka dots. You can't see the detail too well in this picture but it's kind of retro.

The shirt is a size 0 and the pants are a 12.  That all sounds really nice, but we have to remember that it's a plus size store we're talking about. I probably couldn't fit into a size 12 at the Gap. Torrid is sweet for leaving out the Xs from their sizes, you can almost imagine what it's like to be small. 0 really means that there are no Xs pre-pended to the Large that is my true size.  1 would mean XL. Sorry for the blurry second picture.

I go into the office tomorrow and I'm excited to see what it will be like. Also I want to remember to write a post about how on two different occasions in two different Torrids I heard people lying about their size.

Posted by hopeful @ 2:51 PM • Comments (5)

August 19, 2005

Virtual Reality

I tried creating a virtual model for the varying stages of my weight loss. It’s so cool and I think she looks a lot like me. Of course her skin is more taut and free of stretch marks. She also doesn’t have a weird, alien, sack of pizza dough-esque thing hanging off of her belly. Oh well, close enough. The virtual model is used by retailers who sell clothes so that shoppers can get an idea of what the items will look like on them. None of these retailers want to deal with really plus size women apparently. The first frame is what happened when I entered my starting weight of 211 in combination with my 5feet 2 inch height. The second frame is me at 190, the highest weight a 5 foot twoer is allowed to be.
On the left side is me at my current weight. If I looked that good in that outfit right now, I’d be wearing it everyday. The right side is me at my goal weight of 130.
Since all of my pictures have been of my side view, I turned the model so I could compare. Below is my most recent photo (a few pounds heavier than I am right now). The model is at my current weight. It’s really not that far off.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:22 AM • Comments (7)

August 11, 2005

Shoulder pads of the new millenium

It’s just about that TOM again and I feel like poo. I’ll probably write something about it later, but for now I wanted to do something to make me feel better.

One of the benefits of working out with weights is that when you build muscle it re-shapes your body in such a nice way.

I’m appreciating my shoulders at the moment. I’ve gained shoulder caps. They’re so great for a couple of reasons. For one, they prevent my bra straps from rolling off my shoulder. And second, they have a slimming effect like shoulder pads did for us back in the 80’s. Shoulder pads, while an unfortunate fashion trend, created a very successful illusion of a slimmer waist. I may have looked like a scare crow, but I did have a tinnier waist.

Here is a good before and after display of my shoulders back in the beginning and now. I've almost gone from round to rectangle!

Then

Now

Posted by hopeful @ 11:13 AM • Comments (5)

August 3, 2005

Nude in August

I had to take my picture this morning. I'm so behind in everything right now. I weighed in at 178. I'll post more about that later. This months picture is only 8 pounds less than last months. I can see a slight change in my stomach and back roll (I have less of one now).

June	August

I had no time for outlines this morning. I'll have to update later.

Now I'll compare the first picture and the latest again, I need the ego booster today.

February	August

Thank goodness for that, it keeps me going on mornings like this one (I'll post more about that later)!

Posted by hopeful @ 8:31 AM • Comments (10)

June 23, 2005

The June Nudies

I decided to take my pictures this morning. I've been doing it around the 22nd of each month so I'll stick close to that. Of course as luck would have it that coincides with "that time" of the month! I weighed myself this morning so I have an exact record for the pictures and was so excited to see 186!!

Here goes! It looks like everything is continuing to tighten and get smaller. That stomach is going to be the last to go. Since getting prego, my stomach will never be what it used to. It's worth every minute being a mom, though.

May	June

Here are the outlines superimposed over each other. The blue is the most recent profile.

Now I'll compare the first picture and the latest again, since I love this part the best!

February	June

I love that! I still can't believe it!

Posted by hopeful @ 10:56 AM • Comments (12)

May 22, 2005

This Month's Pictures

This is not me

This, however, is. I weighed myself this morning. It’s not the official Monday weigh in, like I think there is really going to be a difference between today and tomorrow. The name “Hopeful” really suits me; maybe I should be called “Delusional”. Anyway, I weighed in at 197, but let me add that it’s that time of the month for me when I’m usually retaining water! I know, delusional, hopeful, whatever and sorry to any guys reading this site for cashing in on that excuse (too much information and because you can’t).

Let me unveil the May versions of myself. I think I look better! The shelf I had going on under my boobs is really starting to diminish and my back looks more slender. I look overall more firm. Cool!

Last Month	This Month

Here are the outlines superimposed over each other. In the colored version the pink is the most recent profile. It looks more like the rings of a tree now, such slight changes.

Now I'll compare the first picture and the latest.

February	May

Holy Cow (substitue expletive here)!!! I'm seeing that for the first time too! Holy Cow!!!!! What a difference around 14 pounds makes! I took that picture just before I made this website, so I weighed at least 211. At the time of my first post I had lost a few pounds weighing 209. I'm so floored right now. Having pictures really helps, It's hard for me to see the differences in real life even though I have been feeling more confident. I'm feeling very motivated to go work out right now! Gotta' go!

Posted by hopeful @ 1:05 PM • Comments (10)

April 24, 2005

I’m back and happy to see you guys!

Hey all, I’m back from vacation and my parents have left. Now I have to get back to my regular life! I’m so looking forward to regular exercise and eating well again. My parents don’t super great (I don’t know how they’re not heavier) My mom is a little round and at 5’3” and (maybe)150 lbs, could stand to lose a few, but I’d kill to be that right now and my father is thin.

I didn’t eat great over my vacation, but the upside is that I am beginning to feel more normal in how I eat. Eating at restaurants every meal was certainly challenging and my meals were definitely larger than they should be and, as to be expected, higher in fat. I didn’t stress about the “diet” which felt nice. This allowed me not to feel like I wanted to go nuts and self indulge too much. I ate what I felt like and in most cases if not all, didn’t finish my meals. I used to feel (every time I was eating out) that I needed to eat everything and then some, as though it might be the last time that I allowed myself to do so. I also, surprisingly, didn’t feel compelled to get chips or a snack every time we stopped at a rest area or to refuel. One time I actually did get a bag of Cheetos (the snack size) and only ate half of it! I wasn’t even thinking about it and didn’t even realize it until I got to the hotel room that night (where I excitedly devoured the other half)!

We went to Yosemite national park and it was beautiful!! I felt rejuvenated and wonderful. I was so eager to walk all over the place and had no problem walking 5 miles of hilly trails, much of the time carrying my 22 pounder (my mini me). Unfortunately we only had one day of that kind of exercise, two and a half days was solid driving and half a day was visiting relatives, but the whole trip was great.

I weighed myself this morning and I appear to have gained 2 lbs (204), bummer. It’s that time of month for me so that contributes too (me being optimistic). Below are the pictures as promised. I need to make better note of my weight from my last pictures but I know that I weighed a little more. I think I see a difference in my stomach, although I am standing a little straighter.

I have to kick it into high gear because I am having a dinner with my co-workers in two weeks. I’m meeting a few new members of our team which, by the way, are all men. I want to make a somewhat better impression than I would if I met them today. So I want to work harder than I have been (since I’ve been taking it slow). I have to be careful because sometimes the quicker I lose weight the more obsessed I become. I run the risk of binging (and gaining the weight back, and then some, twice as quick) or just becoming plane old mental and seriously irritable.

We’ll see. Anyhow, I’m so excited to read the comments and get back into the swing of things! I really feel great and positive regardless of the weight gain which is also representative of the new me.

Last Month	This Month

Here are the outlines superimposed over each other. In the colored version the green is the most recent profile. They are still virtually the same. Again,don't pay any attention to the dot size, that will probably vary always.

Posted by hopeful @ 7:23 PM • Comments (2)

March 25, 2005

OMG!

So I read today that people with a Body Mass Index (BMI, a height/weight ratio) of 25 or more are considered overweight; those 30 and above are considered obese. I have a BMI of 37! AAAAHHHHH! I was so far over on the chart I had to go to “Table 2” for people with BMI of greater than 35.

Here’s the link if you want to check yours www.nhlbi.nih.gov/guidelines/obesity/bmi_tbl.htm

Another slap of reality is when I get on my Tanita digital scale that also measures your fat percentage. First it weighs you, then it sends some kind of electrical signal through your body to measure your fat. I usually don’t stand on it long enough to see the fat percentage. Why, you ask? Because it says I’m 46% fat! Is that possible that I’m half fat? How is it that I even retain a shape resembling a human being?

Here are some more pictures. I only took one new one to compare the side profile because I knew there wouldn’t be much of a change. I’ve had some friends say that I look thinner. So it’s probably showing most in my face, which I’m not prepared to show just yet. When I’m down a bunch of weight I’ll show it. I’m not ashamed. I just don’t want someone to look at me and think of these pictures. When I’m thin I’m hoping they’ll hardly be able to remember me fat and disassociate me from these pictures.

Last Month	This Month

Here are the outlines superimposed over each other. In the colored version the yellow is the most recent profile. They are virtually the same. Don't pay any attention to the head size, I didn't try to draw the pink dot relative to last time.

Posted by hopeful @ 12:43 AM • Comments (7)

March 20, 2005

The Mini-dot

Here is the roley poley mini-dot. Her rolls are cute and edible. You can make a wish on the Buddah belly.

Posted by hopeful @ 11:09 PM

March 12, 2005

Ok time for the dreaded pictures

These pictures were taken near the end of February '05. I'm weighing in at a whopping 209lbs.

Wow, there I am in all my glory. That belly fold is killing me. It's irreversible.

Posted by hopeful @ 1:30 AM • Comments (5)