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October 9, 2008

Weightwatchers starts tomorrow

I’ve been moving a mile a minute since my triathlon and feeling very motivated to do stuff. Everything is going very well … except on the weight front. That’s not why I haven’t posted, I’m not afraid to share that I’ve gained yet another few pounds.

I’ve signed up for another triathlon in July and have taken a new approach to my workouts. I am now working on building my strength. I’m doing body sculpting classes that consist of a lot of free weights training. I take classes three days a week and sometimes add an extra day to run, and starting next week I’ll swim on Monday nights. That’s a lotta workin’ out. I feel strong, great and happy.

Yet I’m still eating like crapolla after 8pm. It’s been hard to control myself. So my friend and I are taking another approach and we started weight watchers tonight.

Hopefully this kicks me into gear. Tonight on the meeting scale I weighed 189.

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Thanks for all the wonderful comments on my tri pictures post!

Posted by hopeful @ 1:01 AM • Comments (2)

September 16, 2008

I can’t believe I’m sharing these pictures

I look so funny in these pictures, I can’t even stand it. But I haven’t shared pictures in a while and this is the proof that I did the race. Here I am in my chubby-ass glory.

So first, there was the swim. My swim cap was so tight it was pushing down my eye in a weird way and I look so goofy. It really is distorting my face.

Notice though, the fit woman behind me, I beat her out of the water. Also those women in the yellow and green hats behind us were sent out in the wave before us, so we kicked a few asses.

Then there was the bike where I thought I would recover for the run.

Not so much. The first two pictures of me running I’m trying to open those nutra-beans or whatever they’re called. I’m hoping they’ll give me a little boost, not so much, I just look like I can’t even take a break from stuffing my face to run a race.

There I am crossing the finish line. At least I managed to jog that part.

As it turns out I did well on my swim. I have serious racer friends who didn’t do as well as me in a half mile swim. I did average to pretty good on the bike and so crappy on the run. Had I focused on walking I probably could have walked faster than my half walk half run.

Oh well. I’m hooked. My friend and I are already picking new races and planning our training strategy for next year. One aspect includes doing weight watchers together. I know how much it helps to have a workout partner, so I hope the same will apply to WW.

I’ll continue to write how much and in the different ways I think training for this race has helped me.

Posted by hopeful @ 9:43 PM • Comments (19)

September 15, 2008

I Tri -ed!!!

It was GREAT! My friend and I went down the day before to register and get prepared, practice our transitions, and to check out the course, etc. Anticipation was building because we didn't sleep a wink, not one. For me though, my anxiety began to subside because I couldn't really think about it as I was setting everything up and we ran into a bunch of people we knew (great distraction). There was so much positive energy and everyone was great to be around.

We got to the race at 5 am and our wave was going to start at 7:40 am but it felt more like 10 minutes to me before we were in the water waiting for the buzzer to go off. I felt surprisingly confident, partly because I had no expectations of great times or anything, and didn't have much anxiety (which is so unlike me or maybe I just suppressed it).

I beyond exceeded my expectations in the swim. I had no problems doing freestyle and feeling great, although some woman for a bit kept trying to grab my ankle. Once I broke out of the pack and stopped getting bumped into, it was nothing. I noticed I caught up to and was swimming in the wave that had gone out ahead of me and that gave me a boost.

Then we actually had to run a quarter of a mile from the beach to the transition area and I could tell I was pretty serious about my transition, I didn't want to fool around (which was funny, the little competitor in me came out). Of course I didn't do great on the first transition and got knocked over by another biker before I could even get on my bike. The bike was nice and I tried to use it to recover for the run, my toughest part. I thought I paced myself well and took the bike easy but I couldn't imagine how I was going to run after all that. My run was half run half walk, I didn't feel too tired, but my body didn't feel like it had much strength left. That was my worst run time, but I don't care. I did better overall than I thought I would.

Each leg of the race I kept thinking I'm a third done, I'm two thirds done, it's in the bag, I'm done. It was so funny. I loved hearing people call out my number and encouraging me. It felt like everybody wanted everybody to do well, and it was really wonderful. I didn't get as emotional as I thought, no big waterfall of tears or breakdown. But every time I think about the fact that I did it and when I think of myself as a triathlete (athlete, even) my eyes well up.

I'm so happy I did this and I want to keep going. I'm still in some disbelief and now it seemed to happen so fast, I want to do another one right away.

Sally Edwards who is the director in charge of the Danskin Triathlons (she's 65 and Master's world record holder in the Ironman) said that, as long as she's been doing races and staying fit, every year of her life has gotten better and she wants to break the paradigm that it wouldn't be so.

I want that to be my mantra.

YAY, I did it!

Overall Rank - 908 of 1513
Class Rank - 147 of 214
Swim - 00:17:01
Swim Rank - 542
Trans1 - 00:05:43
Bike - 00:36:17
Bike Rank - 872
Trans2 - 00:01:18
Run - 00:38:17
Run rank - 1221
Pace - 00:12:21
Final - 01:38:39

Posted by hopeful @ 11:37 AM • Comments (10)

September 11, 2008

I think I’m a doctor

I can’t belabor my posts otherwise I’m just not going to write. I’ve been in such a mental state that my mind is either working too fast or not at all. It’s hard for me to hold onto a thought and when I try to construct coherent posts so that I sound like a sane and normal human being, it’s not happening.

Since I’ve been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant for a real long time and I can’t afford alternative options or testing etc. I thought I would come up with my own theories for why it’s not happening. That’s healthy, huh? Ever since I saw the movie Lorenzo’s Oil I think I can diagnose myself and discover cures. Seriously.

Anyway, I take a tablespoon of Flaxseed oil once a day because I could swear by it helping with my anxiety and depression. Then I read about how you shouldn’t take it if you’re pregnant because it can cause bleeding. But then I also read it does something to your estrogen levels (not unlike soy). I eat flax and a lot of soy, so I thought maybe that was preventing me from getting prego.

I decided to take a break from the flax despite worrying about the effect on my mental state. I didn’t feel a profound difference in my mood but I gained a few pounds. Initially I didn’t think anything of it but this month I decided to go back on the flax because maybe I started to feel a dip in my mood, I’m not sure. But since I did, I lost three of the 6 pounds I gained. We’ll see if it sticks (and goes further).

My appetite has felt better. I think I’ve been doing less emotional eating. See, maybe that’s where the flax helps, I don’t know but I’m sticking with the Flax. I haven’t been able to find anywhere that says it might prevent or hinder getting pregnant.

See what I consume myself with?!

Not that I’m going to be in a TRIATHLON this weekend!! AAAHHHHH.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:05 AM • Comments (3)

August 28, 2008

17 days until race day

Part of my mental capacity has kind of gone numb and I’m sure it’s because I’m coping with anxiety about being in this triathlon.

We’ve been working out pretty steady so I’m sure I can survive it, although I’m worried about cold ocean water stopping my heart. I’ve been trying to remind myself that I’m just going to coast slowly through it with no expectations. I have to repeat that every second.

I just purchased my bicycle that hopefully arrives in time. I’ll be happy to have one that I can take with me on vacations (like last week which was awesome) and hopefully incorporate into everyday life.

I had also bought a tri-suit to wear for the swimming portion that could transition nicely into the bike riding but when I got it I couldn’t even fit it over my head. I got majorly confused by the size chart on the website and bought a size 30 which translates to a size 4. I don’t think that’s a European size or anything so why I needed to translate in the first place is beyond me. I had to cross coordinate suit type, with sport type, with fabric technology, with plain ole’ fabric, with gender, and everything else under the sun. It really required a quantum physicist doctorate degree that I just don’t have. Now I have to do this race naked, unless I figure this out. I haven’t been able to find a tri-suit in my size anywhere on the web. I might just bust out my “body shapers” or “spanx” and wear those.

I’m not too excited about what I’m going to look like during this race. I’ve seen pictures of athletes that look lean, muscular, and sharp like thoroughbreds. I, however, look like an amorphous blob with a little head (because of swim cap). I have a kind of desperate run for your life (the blobs is ravaging the city) kind of flailing way about me.

Sigh…

Posted by hopeful @ 10:05 AM • Comments (6)

August 20, 2008

Hi

Sorry for the long lapse between posts. Sometimes I cannot muster up the energy to post or do anything else on the computer.

I’m in the middle of my vacation right now and that is amplifying my aversion to the computer but I thought I should check in. I don’t want to completely lose touch.

Things are going pretty well but I’m dealing with the inability to perform certain responsibilities. Sometimes I just get maxed out and overwhelmed and need a break. I completely avoid aspects of my life. I hit a wall and there’s a period of time where I just don’t have the energy to pay attention to certain things and I trudge through the bare minimum. I’ve been feeling this way for the past few weeks or more.

I’m still training hard for the triathlon but my eating has been horrendous and last time I checked the scale I had gained 5 pounds. I’m not sure what’s going on. I can’t always tell what is responsible for my emotional swings. If I were to pick things apart everything seems to be going well, I’m just feeling a bit indifferent or flat, I don’t know.

I’ve been eating crappy foods, too often and snacking when I’m not even hungry. When my eating gets like this, it’s usually a sign that I’m out of control about something (not regarding food). I feel like I should be asserting myself somewhere that I’m not. I’m not sure where that somewhere is. It could be a simple as not having accepted some side work where I’ve helped out far more than I’m getting paid for. Or it could be the struggle I have working to much and not spending adequate and desired time with my daughter. I’ve wanted to get a side business off the ground and am not making any headway on it at all (and it’s costing me some money in the meantime).

I have a lot of responsibility and I take on a lot. I get overwhelmed and can barely keep my head above water. So some aspects of my life suffer a bit and I go quite, just focusing on keeping myself from drowning.

Some things are still going OK, like the training and enjoying this vacation with my family. So I’m going to get back at it. I’ll see you soon though (I haven’t been reading blogs either during this hiatus).

Posted by hopeful @ 1:53 PM • Comments (3)

July 17, 2008

Uuggh, quick update

Last week I didn’t workout at all. This week we’re getting back on track but I’m still feeling the repercussions from last week.

Mentally I’m a little insane. I’ve been overwhelmed from working so much and without my exercise to help calm my crazies I’m not feeling great. I have been eating to relax. I don’t want to do that, I just do.

So the update on my weight is that I’m at 182 again. I feel bloated. It struck me last night when I went to my sister’s salon and caught a glimpse of myself in every mirror that I looked heavy.

I feel like I’m running down a steep hill and my legs are barely able to keep up with my torso. I’m on the verge of flipping forward into a massive tumble. Stress has been getting to me lately and I need to regroup and recover. I think I need to sleep all weekend.

I know this has happened to me a million times and it’s nothing new or exciting but I feel the need to post just so that I don’t recede into a denial or anything like that. I can find myself going quiet when I don’t want to acknowledge or think about it. It’s helpful just to put it out there.

Posted by hopeful @ 9:11 AM • Comments (3)

July 11, 2008

Cute Lifeguard

The other day I took my daughter to swimming lessons for the first time since this session started. Because I work so much, my mother has taken over more than half of the childcare responsibilities. That totally bums me out but that is another topic for another post. Anywhoo, thank goodness I showered prior to taking her to swim because the cutest lifeguard or swim coordinator guy was on duty that day. I’ve seen him more than a few times over the past couple of years at the Y and he is, by far, the cutest employee working there.

I was more than showered actually, I was almost dolled up. I was glowing from some due diligence in the baby making efforts that morning. Yes, that morning! That’s the best time, it really sets the tone for the rest of the day. I was on cloud nine all day and my attitude and confidence was soaring. He must have picked up on that or something because he came and sat quite close to me on the bleachers. Then he started making some noises that I could tell were an effort to instigate a conversation. So I started it.

We were talking and talking and every time he got pulled away to do a part of his job he would come right back as though he didn’t want to stop (he had ample opportunities to bail.) I really felt like he was flirting with me and I loved it.

Of course, in my self-deprecating ways, I always manage to tie into conversation my awareness of my weight. This happens so automatically that it has been one of the most difficult habits to break. A couple of the topics we talked about were my triathlon training and local places to eat and I blamed the best pizza place in town for my weight plateau in spite of all the exercise I’ve been doing. In a joking way of course, but I’m such a dork! He was very cute in his response and seemed genuine about it. He said, “You shouldn’t worry about the weight thing and just be happy working out and getting stronger”.

I really think he was trying to let me know he thought I looked fine. And he was super cute and he was flirting with me, I know it. I really don’t stress about my weight as much as I used to. I’m not in the market to really pick up guys so it’s not so vital (even then I’d be my worst critic) and my husband loves me as I am.

It was a fun day.

Posted by hopeful @ 1:33 PM • Comments (4)

July 2, 2008

Doing well despite not so good stuff

My workout partner went away on vacation and my work schedule has been crazy busy, are two ingredients in the recipe for disaster. However, it has not been a problem, I’ve only missed one workout and I am feeling great for continuing to go on my own. Mentally, I needed the boosts from the workouts because I have been dealing with some disappointment.

I had an OBGYN appointment for Monday to discuss fertility issues, which I was hoping to be able to cancel with a “never mind, I’m pregnant”. No such luck as my period came on my birthday last week. Feeling defeated and anxious I could not crawl out of bed Monday morning to go swimming. I went to the doctor’s during lunch to discuss her standard game plan and by the end of the day, I realized that I almost embrace negativity as an excuse to keep handy for whatever reason, but I wasn’t feeling as bad as I expected too. I mean, I was feeling sad but it didn’t quite consume me physically like it usually does. (Or “used to”, that’s a more positive way to look at it and, if self-fulfilling, could put it in the past.)

Rather than to put effort into staying sad and milking it, I moved right past it and felt totally normal and happy to workout yesterday and today. I feel good today. I’m not happy about the thought of not getting pregnant, it makes me sad. But I don’t feel the need to stew. This surprises no one more than me but I’m going to run with it. Maybe this is what it feels like to be mentally sane and normal.

The doctor drew blood yesterday for testing and prescribed a series of other invasive tests for me (and even one for husband, he he). I’m going to put off taking the tests, this month anyway, because I have so many doubts. I cannot justify spending a lot of money (that I don't have) on something with such low success rates. I’m not sure I even need it. I’m not sure I should mess around with nature. I think it would take more of a toll on me. Why am I presuming the worst anyway? My mom thinks me not wanting to take the tests means I’m not sure I want a second child or maybe I don’t want one bad enough. That is not true.

Let me not talk about it anymore so I don’t bring down my mood again. Rather, let me think about how my husband is off from school for the summer and he works for me now and has only one job to do. Much better.

Posted by hopeful @ 2:02 PM • Comments (1)

June 25, 2008

Happy birthday me

SparkPeople sent me a birthday email and I love what it says. I'm a little emotional today because I'm not loving the larger number of my age and I'm entering that T.O.M (which sucks because I am really trying to get prego.) Maybe that is why I was extra moved by the birthday message. But truthfully, for a while now I have been moving in the corn-ball direction and trying to remind myself daily of the principles mentioned below.

What matters most in life is often viewed as peripheral to the things that we usually focus on. Passion takes a backseat to production, wellness to working, and balance to busyness. The old adage that “life is not a dress rehearsa” is so true, and yet we act to the contrary by putting off what is truly important or indulging in things that are not. On your birthday, stop focusin on your age and start meditating on your life at this exact moment. How can you make it better? During the next year, reshuffle your priorities. Spend more time with family and friends, take care of your body and health by eating well and exercising regularly, and offer to help others in need. Discover what matters most to you , and make your daily life into a true reflection of those ideas, beliefs, and attitudes.

I might read this every day for the next year and see if it really changes me.

Working out is still going strong and awesome. I weighed in at 179 this morning.
Happy Birthday

Posted by hopeful @ 11:05 AM • Comments (2)

June 19, 2008

Not so steady

Yeah, I’m no longer holding so steady. My weight has crept back up to 180 as of this morning. I had been avoiding that scale like I have my exercising over the past nearly two weeks (until this week).

We’re back on track, thanks to my workout partner. We had been derailed by her vacation and the last week of school, it was so hectic. But she motivated me this week with a whole new schedule that involves all morning workouts. We’ll be doing five days a week and a little bit of everything, so it’s less monotonous. So far we’ve done every day and it felt good (not like a nightmare).

I’ve become really dependent on her as my motivation for working out. I never imagined that I would enjoy having a workout partner. Right now I’m surprised I even breathe without her.

I wish I could find a partner who would hold my hands through other aspects of my life.

Posted by hopeful @ 11:54 AM • Comments (2)

June 4, 2008

Surprisingly holding steady

I’ve been having a little difficulty recovering from the Memorial Day weekend (yes, a week and a half ago). To celebrate with my family I brought some food purchased at Costco to my grandma’s. I had enormous size bags of chips and dip among other things and when the festivities where over I brought home the leftovers and I’ve been eating them ever since. Well, they’re gone now and surprisingly I weighed 178 today. I’ve also skipped a few workouts and that made me even more afraid to face the scale.

I guess it takes a little longer for me to get derailed than it used to. Behavior like that previously mentioned isn’t helping with my weight loss progress but it doesn’t set me back either. Today I feel better towards making progress again.

I wasn’t mentally with it over the past week either and that’s why I didn’t write at all. Maybe it would have helped if I had. It was that time of the month and it just got to me and I wasn’t motivated.

In reflecting on my emotions over the past month I can tell the rollercoaster is increasingly less dramatic. It’s still a rollercoaster, but it moves slower and the peaks and valleys have less contrast between them. That’s all good.

And best of all, lately people have been commenting that I’m looking smaller yet which surprises me a bit because there hasn’t been much change in my weight. Maybe it’s my demeanor.

Posted by hopeful @ 3:34 PM

May 27, 2008

Wow, his thank you made my day

Last night I was exhausted from the holiday weekend and wanted to just crash. By the time I got my daughter to bed it was nearly nine o’clock because time was going by at lightening speed (as it did all weekend). I was feeling pretty bummed that I didn’t seem to experience the weekend and worse still I was tired from it. To top it all off I needed to iron my husband’s shirts for the week and do at least a load of laundry so that we have underwear to wear. The desire to sleep was so strong I thought I might pass out. But, like a trooper, I started the wash.

Hours later I finished, even folding and putting away the clothes rather than having us live out of the laundry bag during the week. By the end of it all I was feeling sorry for myself, no rest for the weary, envisioning my wrinkles chiseled even further because of my hard knock life. (I was being dramatic.)

This morning I awoke to a clean kitchen because my husband, who stayed up later than me grading papers, thought to do that before he went to bed. I’m not even sure he slept any because he has to get up at 5:45 to go to work. (Needless to say I don’t see him in the morning.) Then, the icing on the cake, he text messaged me a note:

"Luv you! Thanks for washing & ironing everything. Dishwasher clean, cats done, trash & recycling done, I won't forget dentist."

That made me feel great. How nice that he didn’t take it for granted that I was working hard and then he reciprocated the favor! He rocks. We’ve been making a pretty good team lately.

Yay

Posted by hopeful @ 11:08 AM • Comments (4)

May 22, 2008

177

Whoot whoot! (That’s my new favorite way to holler.) I saw 177 on the scale today, yay!

I’m also feeling great because despite recovering from a yucky stomach flu, I ran my 5k yesterday. The night before I thought for sure that I wouldn’t be able to do it but when I started feeling a little better I just decided to show up and play it by ear. This was a much tougher and hilly course and I had to power walk up one of the steep hills (maybe a quarter of a mile). But even with having to walk I beat my last time by a minute! Afterwards I felt awesome and so accomplished it was cool. I am suffering some bad sciatica but I still did OK with it. I feel so tough today even with a corny limp.

I’ve said it before but running these races helps with the motivation and the reward. It’s a lot of fun being around so many people who get excited about it and make you feel great when you’re crossing the finish line. I practically want to cry every time (especially when you think of the charity you’re running for). It’s moving.

I’m hoping this motivation and ambition spreads to other aspects of my life. I’m sure it will.

I’m also excited to see how much better I do when I’m carry 10 less pounds! I can do this.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:07 AM • Comments (3)

May 21, 2008

I managed dinner

I did a great job managing dinner. Normally I would just order pizza and we’d all be in for a heavy dinner. But instead I ordered my parents a chicken meal, pizza for my husband, and I supplemented it with steamed peas and rice. I had a salad, the peas, and a medium size slice of garlic bread with a slice of mozzarella cheese and a pepper.

I felt great about what I ate. All in all the whole day’s intake was on the high side of my goal but not too bad. I was glad that I had the gauge of my calorie journal as a reference to help keep me in line.

I go through phases with calorie counting but right now it’s what I need. Did I mention that I have a mini goal to lose 10 pounds in a month? I think that’s reasonable and I’m really eager to fit into more of my clothes and make my legs feel better. I’ve been feeling pretty great over all but I am still considered severely over weight. I take those charts with a grain of salt but if I’m falling into the severely over weight category then it’s safe to say that I’m at least over weight and can improve.

***************

Yesterday I wasn’t feeling well with a mild stomach virus or something and it made me feel a little bummed out. I’m going to be a little forgiving considering my physical state but I was thinking again about needing to find my passion to feel motivated. I want to write about that more because I want to release some of those feelings and see where many of you are at. I need some perspective on that. I don’t know, we’ll see.

Posted by hopeful @ 1:01 PM • Comments (1)

May 20, 2008

Calorie counting again

Just for a little while anyway, I need to start counting the calories. Yesterday when I ate what I thought was a good amount turned out to be much too little. I was at under 1100 calories just before I went swimming last night. And when I logged it into SparkPeople I was rounding up.

Today on the other hand, I’m already at nearly 800 calories (just after breakfast). I had some granola cereal for breakfast and decided not to leave such a small amount straggling in the bag. When I measured what I had, it came out to one and a half cups. It was a little more than I would have put in there had the box been fuller but didn’t look unreasonable. It’s kind of sitting like a ton of brick in my stomach now so maybe that’s why a serving is only a half a cup (!). I had three servings!

I’m doing dinner with my parents tonight so I have to manage the calorie budget closely. I was planning on ordering Italian food, dang it. They can all enjoy it while I steam myself some veggies or something.

With my workout schedule I’m allotting myself between 1500 and 1800 calories a day. I’ll aim low on the days that I don’t workout. I think that during the beginning of all my training I was under eating which slowed down my metabolism and then I went in the other direction.

Hopefully monitoring what I’m doing for a little while will help me get off of this plateau and put portion sizes back into perspective.

Posted by hopeful @ 11:29 AM • Comments (3)

May 16, 2008

Intimidated

My weight has been the same, juggling 180 and 181. One day I saw 179 for a fleeting second which gave me a brief amount of hope. But a couple of dinners out with co-workers and friends have probably sent that back to the horizon.

I’m so busy that I feel like I operate in a bit of a fog and am tired most of the time. I exercise mentally a lot to stay positive since I had the propensity to go into the dumps. In reflection, I am spending a lot of time with family and friends and I’m exercising a ton and this should make me happy right? It does for the most part, but on days like today when I’m not feeling too well and have the moment to stew, that feeling of something is lacking creeps in.

I should be happy that as a full time working mother I’m doing a great job at balancing so many things. Truth be told though, I feel a bit half assed at everything I do. I remember even thinking this as far back as high school when I was struggling with an eating disorder and keeping depression and anxiety at bay. If I didn’t have so many things to divide me I could really be good at something. Or find what it is that I want to be good at.

I think there’s a part of me that is in a bit of denial about this unknown thing I want to be good at. I’m intimidated by failure. I’ve never really failed at anything because I’ve never tried to do anything that I didn’t already know I could do. You could say that I’ve failed to keep my weight at a healthy level for periods of my life, but that’s not what I’m talking about. Who knows, maybe my weight was a calculated distraction.

You should have seen me, I didn’t apply to many colleges and just decided not to go (until a few years after high school, at which point I did well at an average school). I never tried to excel at anything. I’ve always been good at art but never tried to find my unique style and pursue it (I think I’m partly afraid of it being criticized).

So lately I’ve had a difficult time posting because I don’t know where to begin. There’s either a lot spinning around in my head or nothing. My weight and my eating are fine, nothing is happening either way and I’m feeling a tad indifferent about it (until I want to get dressed up to go out).

If one word could sum up how I feel lately and a lot it is: INTIMIDATED.

I’m glad I got that somewhat rambling thought out today.

Posted by hopeful @ 1:33 PM

May 8, 2008

Stilts

I still feel like I’m walking on stilts since my race. Albeit the shortest set of stilts in the world, as I tower at mere 5 foot barely 3 inches. But I walk as though my legs, below the knee, weigh a ton and I’m struggling to keep my balance. I think I may have torn up my calf muscle a little bit and am not sure what to do about it.

I’m trying to watch what I eat more closely so that I can get off of this plateau. My health coach made me agree to not eat while I watch TV. Now that I’ve become conscious of it, it has become a bit of a struggle. I did well for a few days and then last night I cracked. Of course I can’t just crack by eating my 94% fat free popcorn. I actually melted butter with cheddar cheese and made some kind of popcorny cheeseball. It was awesome. Rest assured that won’t happen again because that cheese was only here on special occasion. I choose not to have my “downfall” items in the house normally. Thank goodness.

In an attempt to add the third element to my tri-training I rode the bike at the gym last night. In 30 minutes I rode just under 9 miles. I had the resistance up pretty good to make it tougher but I was still surprised that I didn’t do better. Maybe I was slacking a little. I spoke to another friend who may have coerced me into doing a spin class at 7am on Saturday mornings. All this exercise must have driven me crazy because, when of sound mind, I wouldn’t agree to sacrifice sleeping in after my favorite night to stay up late. But I need the workout and I’m running out of living hours for which to find the time.

Posted by hopeful @ 2:05 PM • Comments (1)

May 5, 2008

5k – done!

Yay, we did our 5k yesterday and it felt great to do it, minus the extreme pain I felt in my calves.

Last week I was getting a crazy knot in my left calf and as soon as the race started my right one seized up just the same. I was limping big time for a while until it warmed up. I guess I didn’t stretch enough and need to practice a strict warm up regimen. The whole thing was very painful but I managed to finish in about 35 minutes.

It was a nice experience being with so many people who were running to celebrate breast cancer survivors or memorialize loved ones. It didn’t help that I was PMSing but I was on the verge of tears every two seconds. The camaraderie helped motivate me while running for sure though and afterwards I just felt happy.

My friends and I are going to run another one in a few weeks that is held in our town. Having these as goals really helps me focus and stick to a workout schedule. And now I really need to concentrate on losing more weight because my little bones clearly don’t want to run with 180 pounds. I’m paying the price today.

I’ve been eating more since working out so much, but now I need to cut back even just a little bit to start whittling away my poundage.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:46 AM • Comments (5)

April 29, 2008

2 pound damage

So the damage amounted to two pounds. I can live with that considering how much I blew sense and responsibility off.

To get back on track this week I tried running and swimming in one shot last night and then running again this morning. It sounds a little excessive but if I’m going to do a triathlon I should get used to it. It was pretty cool actually. I couldn’t completely run my 3 miles so I ran about 2.5 and walked three quarters or more. Then I hustled down to the pool, showered first of course, and swam a little over the half mile I’ll be doing in the race. Minus the insta-knot I got in my left calf, I felt great.

This morning I went to run another 3 miles. My previously mentioned knot came back instantly so I walked for a half mile to start. I raised the incline a lot to feel like I was pushing myself more. I’m not sure if you describe it as a “second wind” or if it was my initial wind, let’s just say I got a gust of wind and ran the last two miles until my calf felt like it was going to detach from my leg like a broken spring in a cartoon watch.

Now as I’ve been sitting nearly still for a couple of hours in front of my computer as I work I feel OK. I’m curious to see, when I try and take my first bathroom break, if I’m able to move at all. I suspect I might feel as if my bones have fused together and am incapable of moving.

But mentally I feel great. I’ve missed my workouts mostly for that: the reprieve from the insanity.

This week I’m going to watch what I eat so I can take off those two pounds (and hopefully one or two more). Anything I can shed before race on Sunday will help immensely.

Posted by hopeful @ 11:06 AM • Comments (2)

April 26, 2008

3 days off

I haven’t exercised in three days. My exercise partner had some plans and couldn’t it make it for a few of our scheduled workouts. I coincidentally had taken off from work for a couple of days and decided to make it a complete vacation and not exercise as well. The past two days have been fantastic. I wasn’t sedentary by any means because I used these past couple of days to repay some play dates and had my daughter’s friends come over for the first time.

I absolutely loved being able to give them all my attention and just play and watch them. It was amazing. The weather was absolutely perfect too. This was by far one of the best vacations ever.

I’m happy I took a break from working out, I think my body wanted a real rest. Of course I’m still pretty tired because I never want to go to sleep, but I feel really relaxed and good. My eating this past week was the worst ever. I craved and ate all really bad things, like cheese puffs, frozen pizza, and bagels or toast with cream cheese. I’m not sure what happened. It started even before the break in workouts so that’s not to blame. I didn’t feel like I was emotionally eating because I was feeling quite good. Not overly good, just really good and content. I just felt really hungry for these things. I think hormones are involved.

I’m going to ride out the rest of the weekend and I’ll check the damages on Monday. I will get right back on the bandwagon when my workouts resume.

Posted by hopeful @ 2:19 PM • Comments (2)

April 20, 2008

You're right

You’re right ladies. Running is getting better. I am becoming a lot less sore after our running and am able to run 3 miles now! Now I’m only sore one day as opposed to three or four. I will be doing a 5k in two weeks and feel pretty confident I’ll be able to run the whole thing, albeit slow.

My weight is still not budging but I can’t focus on that. Things are going well. I’m feelin’ great, even if I would like to get to a size 10 rather than 12 because I have more clothes in size 10.

One thing I have enjoyed about working out so much is that when I want to have a few indulgences, I don’t worry about it. When I don’t worry about it I don’t go off the handle. The past few weekends I may have prevented going under 180 with some beer drinking and dinners out. That’s pretty atypical behavior (thank goodness) and which is why I don’t have to feel guilty about it.

Last night we went to a pub for dinner. The servings were big, salty and fried and yummy. Less than half way into the dinner I was feeling quite full. Actually I was feeling full after chasing down only some of the fried zucchini appetizer with a corona. My belly button only had to cry out once when the snap of my pants started encroaching in its space. I pushed my plates away before my belly ran for the hills and spilled over my waistband (I don’t have a lot of leeway there). While not being great for any calorie counter I was happy that I didn’t feel compelled to eat any more, I didn’t pine for the sweet potato fries that I left behind, and I didn’t drink too much. The night was a complete success.

Posted by hopeful @ 12:33 PM • Comments (3)

April 11, 2008

Bi-athlete

So far I’m a bi-athlete. We’ve incorporated running a couple times a week. This morning I ran just over 2.5 miles and including the cool down I went about 3. Running really makes my body ache, my bones just hurt for days after. I’m probably still a too heavy to run.

I’m happy with my progress but I feel like I should be losing weight more quickly because I’m eating pretty well. Where I’m at fitness-wise is great and I’m really surprised that I can do all I am at my current weight. Mentally I’m in a very different place than I’m used to. I’m so focused on the training that I don’t think about how heavy I am. I feel fit and great and imagine my body that way. I like the way I look because I feel good, strong and healthy but technically I’m 40 to 50 pounds overweight. I want to lose weight more to relieve my body than I do for the vanity. Although, I’m sure with each 10 pounds I take off I’ll enjoy fitting into all my old clothes and the ease of buying new ones.

I also can’t remember the last time I emotionally over ate. Controlling my portions and the quality or health of my food has not been difficult lately. The other day I had a craving for potato chips. I didn’t have them in my house, didn’t go out and buy them, and just got over it I guess. I don’t even remember how I resolved it in my mind. It just didn’t consume me.

I know better than to say I’ve changed. Right now things are going a particular way and it’s good. I’m really happy. I would like to find more time to set aside for writing because I have a lot going on in my mind that I would like to share and just get written down. The majority of it isn’t about weight but it’s contributing to the weight change.

Next big task is to clean up and repair the rusty bike that is in my dad’s garage so I can work on becoming a tri-athlete.

Posted by hopeful @ 11:00 AM • Comments (3)

April 6, 2008

180!

I only have the energy to be quick. I’m typing from a horizontal position with one hand. I’m so tired after a very busy but very good week. I got right back on the workout bandwagon and swam and ran my butt off. I’m still recuperating.

I am finally seeing 180, wheh-hew, down a pound. That felt like it took forever, although, I haven’t been too worried because I’m now able to squeeze into size 12s. I’m squeezin’ but I can pull it off with a long enough, somewhat loose shirt.

Incorporating this vigorous workout schedule has been really difficult because I have no time to spare now. I am constantly running around all week. At first I thought I would not be able to get used to it and that I had no time for myself. But then I realized that the workouts ARE time for myself. And most likely the predominant activity I’d be doing with that time would be watching TV and eating. I really enjoy the time I spend with my new friends and the effect it’s having on my body (and my mental state). Mentally I’ve been doing fantastic.

I do feel like I’m going through a change and that it’s significant. I’m really trying to adjust to a different way of life and think that I will get better at all of it. Working my butt off at my current career, being a better mom, a better daughter, sibling, and friend, bettering myself physically and mentally, and working on my own business. Previously I used to think that I was too fragile to take on too much. Now I’m trying to build up my endurance in all these areas and take on more than I ever have while still being good at them all.

The thought makes me tired, good night.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:47 PM • Comments (2)

March 27, 2008

Crap

Uuuggh, sick today. I have a sore throat and my neck feels huge.

This week has be a series of blunders and inconveniences that are totally throwing me out of whack. It's rough staying positive but I'm doing a pretty good job, all considering, and I mentally feel optimistic. I haven't swum once yet, and that's not helping.

I took my daughter to the doctor's for her 4 year old checkup and shots. Everything thing is going well with her and she's developing fine…except she's overweight apparently! She's just shy of 39 inches and she weighs 38 pounds (fully clothed and just after breakfast).

I was not expecting this. She doesn't look heavy. The doctor said she by no means needs to go on a diet but it looks like her weight is heading in a steeper trajectory than her height. The doc didn't love that we were vegetarians and gave me some diet advice, most of which I agreed with. As I write this I'm calming down and it doesn't seem like the worst thing in the world. She's not so far gone that we can't just tilt her diet slightly to get back on track. I also think my poor Mini needs more physical activity.

*sigh*, ever so slight. I don't have energy for a bigger one.

Posted by hopeful @ 6:05 PM • Comments (3)

March 24, 2008

I survived! And I’m still 182

Flying wasn’t bad at all. I didn’t love it but the flight was short and I didn’t feel terrible or freak out.

My brother, sister, and I had a wonderful weekend together in Florida despite the fact that it rained our one day there and they had to call the game. We made the best of it and went out for a long night on the town. There was lots of drinking and even dancing on the bar goin’ on. Needless to say I wasn’t feeling great yesterday but was happy to be home with the rest of my family to celebrate Easter.

I’m still recovering today and trying to figure out how to get back into the swing of things. I dared to weigh myself this morning and even with all my clothes on I’m still 182. I didn’t watch what I ate this weekend but I notice that I just don’t eat as much in general. Portion control, even when the choices aren’t the best, is coming a lot more naturally. I craved cheesy foods yesterday (not uncommon the day after drinking) but didn’t eat too much of it. Also while I was watching a little TV last night I didn’t feel the urge to snack.

It’s nice to feel kinda normal.

Posted by hopeful @ 9:47 AM • Comments (1)

March 21, 2008

I got the drugs

And now they’re starting to kick in and I’m beginning to feel too lazy to type this.

After going swimming on Wednesday I felt much better and it carried over into yesterday. I almost wasn’t sure I would need any medical assistance but I called my doctor anyway. I just want to be sure I feel OK about it.

I swam again last night and this morning went to a training group for running a 5k we signed up to do in May. I was tired after getting up early but totally got into it and did great. I can’t imagine running ever being my thing but I did really well. It’s going to be much easier when I lose more weight because I don’t like the way it feels when my whole body clunks down on me.

I never before wanted to commit to being in a race or anything but it really has been helpful to make my workouts feel more purposeful. And I’ve found the perfect people to workout with. They’re enjoyable to be around and still motivated enough that we don’t slack off and talk the whole time or convince each other to bail. It’s perfect.

Now I want to go lay down for a bit or something. But I’m feelin’ good.

Thanks all for your support. I might be the only person in the world without an ipod. I hope there is an in flight movie that could work just the same.

Lynne, my brother lives in Boston and I have both a Yankees and a Red Sox hat, not that I know the difference. I’m just going to watch a bunch of hot guys playing in the warmth and sun.

Have a great weekend all!

Posted by hopeful @ 12:48 PM

March 19, 2008

Terrified

I’m going away this weekend for a short trip to Florida. My brother and sister convinced me to go see a Yankee’s spring training game. I’m very excited to spend the weekend with them and look forward to a game in the sun.

But I’m terrified of flying. I feel like crying every minute. I know I’ll enjoy the time I’m there but will also be worried about the flight back. I just want to be home safe and sound.

I’ve flown tons in my life, probably close to a hundred times, but almost two years ago I could no longer stand the thought of it. I even had to take a train to California for my business trip.

I figured this trip would be a good way to get me back on the saddle because it’s not as long of a flight and I’ll be with my sister. But right now I wish I never agreed to it. I’m so unhappy that I’m so torn. And now I’m totally bawling my eyes out.

Posted by hopeful @ 7:13 PM • Comments (5)

March 18, 2008

I love swimming!

I come home feeling sane. I am head over heals for it. I won’t, however, become one of those people that care about the gear and admire people’s aerodynamic swim caps or shave my whole body or anything. I guess I do shave most of my body (coincidently). I wear a fashion bathing suit, not a real swim one and I’ve confiscated my daughter’s goggles. She’s 4, they’re so small it’s like wearing contacts tied together with rubber bands. They barely cover my eyes. My friend gave me a real swim cap because she really didn’t think I should wear my mother’s converted bath mat with hard plastic daisies on it.

Either way, I swam the full half mile with no breaks in 25 minutes and then did a warm down. Wheh-hew

Posted by hopeful @ 1:00 AM

March 17, 2008

Finally 182

I weighed in at 182 despite drinking plenty of green beer on Saturday and partying like I was in high school. I even got a call from my parents at 1:30am asking when I’d be home because they were waiting up for me. It was awesome, a lot of us parents let loose.

I feel a lot less stress where my diet is concerned. I’m feeling a lot more motivation than temptation (knock on wood). I’ve been enjoying trying on my smaller clothes and getting close to fitting in them. I’ve taken my big jeans and packed them away to the less accessible part of my closet and brought forward the smaller jeans. Getting dressed up for the St. Patrick’s Day party on Saturday night was actually fun and I felt so confident there.

I’ve gone through this type of phase before where it just seems easier. I think it’s because I have bigger issues pressing on me. I’ve cut back what I eat a lot to save money and it’s a great distraction and the reward is two fold.

Now is a good time for me to be thinner because I need the confidence. If history repeats itself I might be looking forward to a big change. In the past I’ve lost weight just in time for a great change in my life where I needed to be thin. Maybe I shouldn’t say it like that but it was very beneficial to be thin through those transitions. My weight losses often preceded a change in environment like moving or a new job, where I was going to be meeting a lot of new people. (In most cases I didn’t know about the forthcoming change.) I’m good with people either way, but when I’m thin I’m much better.

I’m not superstitious but hopefully this is a sign for good things to come.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:17 AM • Comments (1)

March 14, 2008

No change

Dang it, there was no weight change. I’m not going to let myself get discouraged because I ate great and my pants are feeling much looser. Maybe it was the large cup of coffee I drank just prior to getting on the scale. I went swimming last night for the third time this week. What the heck?!

I’m working in peace today as my mother is taking care of my daughter. I’m expecting a stressful day because I’ve got a lot I need to accomplish. Here’s a small sample of the wake of hurricane Mini (my daughter) and what I deal with on a regular basis. She made this mess yesterday and I won’t have a chance to clean it until maybe Sunday. I’m only cleaning it to give her more room to make another mess.

That's the corner of the table that I work on, come to think of it, maybe she gets it from me.

Posted by hopeful @ 11:12 AM

March 13, 2008

Feeling great after swimming

I’ve been working hard to stay positive. I know I have a choice on how I perceive the world and what’s going on in my life. There’s no reason why I can’t put a positive spin on everything. Things really are quite wonderful and I had been spending too much time worrying about potential bad things rather than enjoying this time. I’ve been successfully keeping my anxiety at bay by repeating positive affirmations constantly, just like Stewart Smalley. Very corny, I know, and just as difficult for me as working out at the gym.

Today my stress level was rising from work and being a half-ass mom. When my husband came home from work I just wanted to sink into him, rest my head on his shoulder and watch TV all night. I did not want to go swimming. Or I did but wished it wouldn’t take so long so I’d still have a full night of couch time.

I didn’t think to hard about it and just went, chanting the whole way there that I’m a good mom and tomorrow will be a more productive day at work. When I got there my girlfriends already started, so I jumped right in and began my drills with no talking delays. In order to not lose count I have to repeat the lap number with every stroke the whole way down. I had to really focus. I swam my butt off and it was just the remedy I needed to get my mind back on a positive track.

I’m really getting good at swimming. I’m so thankful that I somehow got into this. I definitely feel like my weight will go down this week. And I’m feeling frikin’ great right now (while getting some TV time in).

Posted by hopeful @ 12:12 AM

March 10, 2008

Displaced by the storm

Wow, we lost power this weekend for 36 hours but it turned out to be really nice and just what I needed.

At first on Saturday I freaked out because I really wanted to use this last free weekend before tax time to do my taxes. I’m not sure when I’ll get a chance to do them. I was quite stressed about it so I guess Mother Nature decided to take control and tell me what was best for me. We lost power early evening on Saturday because the crazy hurricane like winds took out a few trees that took out a few telephone poles (that carry more than telephone wires). We toughed it out through Saturday night, I read by candle light, enjoyed watching trees bend to the ground from my picture window, and went to bed early. When we woke up freezing on Sunday and couldn’t get any hot water to run for showers we went and stayed with my parents where we had a great time. Here’s what stands out in my mind: coffee, bagels, pizza, and a three hour marathon of The Wire. Awesome. It’s so nice to have family close by and to love being with them.

And now I feel refreshed to tackle my taxes over a few nights during the week (over the next few weeks because I have about one free night a week). But I’m ok with that.

I didn’t weigh at the end of last week or today (update: I did get weighed at the doctors on Friday and was 183 according to their scale, wheh-hew). I had a couple nights of indulgence that happened to fall on the eves of said weigh-ins. I guess I could have weighed-in a day later, but didn’t. I’m not too obsessed and my jeans still fit the same. Today I’ve been feeling my usual self and eating well and tonight we’re swimming and will probably start going three nights a week, which I’m looking forward to.

I’m doing great anxiety-wise too. I keep reminding myself to enjoy how well things are going and that I’m in control to look at everything with a positive spin rather than a negative one. And it’s been working.

P.S. The extremely thorough tests on my heart all came back great! The doc said that I can do my triathlon with no worries and to go for it. And he congratulated me on my weight loss since having seen him a little over a month ago.

Posted by hopeful @ 5:31 PM • Comments (2)

March 3, 2008

183 all last week

I weighed myself a few times after Monday and confirmed 183 for the week but after my weekend in Boston visiting my brother’s family I’m going to postpone weighing until maybe Friday. My sister-in-law happens to be my favorite cook and we celebrated my nephew’s birthday on Saturday and we went all out eating. I indulged in lots that I normally wouldn’t or to such an extent.

I don’t feel bad about it at all, I just don’t want to see bigger numbers on the scale. I have full confidence I will bounce back this week. I have my swimming tonight to keep me on track.

On Friday, after putting on a pair of my freshly washed jeans and realizing that they’re quite big, I decided to look for a smaller size and try them on. I was able to fit into my size 14 jeans no problem. I have officially dropped a size!

I have to search through my closet because I’m not sure I have another size 14. I love the way the ones I wore all weekend look on me but they have paint on them from doing tons of home improvement two years ago. I can’t get away with wearing them everyday because they’re too identifiable and it looks like I’m trying to bring the 80’s back or something. I have a lot more clothes in sizes 10 and 12 so I better get losing!

Posted by hopeful @ 10:08 AM • Comments (2)

February 25, 2008

Quick update

Because my arms are a little spaghetti. I got back from swimming just a little while ago and tonight ROCKED. I did so much better than last week it was crazy. I was feeling physically so much better than last time and my form and everything was so much better, even my friends noticed. I’m so excited to do this. I could see swimming being more addictive than running or biking. It’s relaxing and there’s no crazy impact on your knees and legs. When I’m running or jumping (which I never do), it rattles my brain and is so uncomfortable. I really need to lose some weight before I practice the running.

I weighed in at 184 today, not the 183 from Friday but it’s still down a pound. We did have a large family pizza dinner on Sunday which could have affected me. So I’ll weigh again on this Friday and we’ll see how it goes.

Aahh, I feel like I’m going to sleep like a baby tonight!

Posted by hopeful @ 11:24 PM • Comments (1)

February 22, 2008

185

I’m sticking at 185 for the week, Yay.

I’m mesmerized by the snow outside and wish I could just watch it and zone out all day. It is so beautiful.

I’m continuing to work on making myself feel better and am recovering from my nervous breakdown a month ago. Short of winning the lottery there is no immediate solution that would provide me some relief. I’ve got to exercise self control to stay positive which is a real mental workout. Things are going pretty well with the guidance of a therapist. I only have six visits but that’s all I’ll need. She says I have good coping skills.

Basically I’m reminding myself to be positive and enjoy each moment. I’ve been able to take care of my family thus far and be successful in so many aspects of my life, there’s no reason to believe I couldn’t continue to do so (despite any adversity that comes my way). When the going gets tough, I’ve always been able to get going.

What scared me is that my breakdown came on so quickly and unexpectedly and I wasn’t sure what set it in motion or why it lasted so long and I felt like I couldn’t talk myself out of it. I realize now some of the contributing factors and I’m not crazy but I need to chill out because nothing catastrophic has happened, I just imagined that they would.

After going into the office yesterday I realized my fears about the state of my job are not unfounded. I have a sixth sense and a lot of people are worried. But I do believe my job isn’t going anywhere for a year or so and I’ve been in this position before many times. I will be OK. All the crazy events in my past have only helped in pointing me in a better direction, future events will be no different.

I’m also starting to pursue a dream of mine. I am starting a side business for myself. I don’t want to go into too much detail before I get more developed but I’m very excited about it and excited to share it with all of you.

Have a great weekend, incase I don’t talk to you one way or another before hand.

Posted by hopeful @ 12:30 PM • Comments (2)

February 19, 2008

I’m not exactly one of them

Well Molly, I’m not exactly one of them. Not yet anyway. Far from it actually. And Greta, I’m not sure I can even swim.

Last night I went swimming for the first time in a really long time. I can’t remember the last time I actually took a real stroke rather than just splashed playfully and lazily in a pool or the Jersey surf.

It went OK. I really enjoyed the company (two moms of my daughter’s friends) and I actually had a lot of fun. But….. I sucked! One of my friends isn’t doing the triathlon but she is training us because she was nearly an Olympic swimmer at one point. That was really helpful because you would have thought that I never swam before and she gave me a lot of tips. I forgot how strenuous swimming could be. I was sucking wind in no time. I never kept track of how many laps we did but we swam solidly for an hour. I had to alter my strokes from regular to side stroke and sometimes breath stroke but I kept on moving. I even used a kickboard for a bit. It was awesome, but I sucked.

I am totally worried, but more motivated than ever. I’ve got to hustle and thank goodness we have slightly over six months to train.

Posted by hopeful @ 11:23 PM • Comments (1)

February 18, 2008

Actually happy it’s Monday

Wow, I had a rough day yesterday, very depressed, and just when I though I was getting better. Being that I’m premenstrual I decided to take the pressure off of myself and allow me to ride through the day without feeling the need to be productive in some way. We called my parents for a game of scrabble and coffee. It was perfect. I felt so much better by the end of the evening. For icing on the cake I talked to my sister just before bed. Thank goodness for family.

Today my husband, off from work, took my daughter to his mom’s so I could get some work done like a regular employed person. At first I thought that I didn’t want the house to be empty and that I would fall back into my lonely feelings from yesterday, but today it is 63 degrees and there’s sunshine which is closely mirroring how I feel inside. Things are starting to look up.

I’m still extremely sensitive but I’m working through all of this and feel myself becoming stronger. I love that it has made me reach out to people and feel more connected.

Tonight I start my swimming with my friend for our triathlon and I’m so excited, probably more for the companionship than anything else, but the exercise will help me immensely.

I weighed myself this morning and I’m 185! So let’s see how much further the swimming takes me. Soon I’ll have to start biking and running too, aaahhh! Crazy but cool.

And I’m really happy that I have this blog and have met all of you, whose blogs I check a little compulsively at times. You make me feel less lonely. That may be terribly pathetic but it’s true.

Posted by hopeful @ 11:13 AM • Comments (2)

February 15, 2008

One hour left

One hour until I can take my 24 hour heart monitor off. I think I mentioned that I’m getting a complete heart physical so that my health insurance feels comfortable starting me on an exercise program. It’s going to cost me a pretty penny (nothing like it would cost without insurance) but it’s worth it. My mind will rest easy knowing that I have a healthy heart and it should motivate me to keep it that way. And plus, my insurance won’t work with me if I don’t get it. (As long as this isn’t some kind of conspiracy to determine if they should drop me all together. Have you heard about the BlueCross bastards? They were asking doctors to rat on patients so that they could find reason to stop coverage.)

Also, this is crazy news for me, my friend asked me to be in a charity triathlon with her! That’s crazy! When I’m reading all of you weight loss bloggers out there that decide to run a 5k and find so much joy in researching and buying new running shoes, I just can’t relate to that. I cannot fathom loving running. I am very much an elliptical trainer in the gym type of person. I can stay on one for hours while being entertained by the characters at the gym or watching TV.

But I said YES! What am I? Nuts?!

Starting Monday I will be joining her and another friend at the Y to swim! (OK, that’s the last time I’ll use the exclamation point, but just assume it is at the end of every subsequent sentence, and for that matter everything is written in all CAPS. And you can envision me walking around flailing my hands yelling at everybody in surprise. Holy crow.)

Neither one of us is in the shape required for such an event but we aim to finish at best and we have until September to shape up. I’ve never used the technique of having a definitive goal (with an actual deadline) nor working out with a friend to keep me motivated, so we’ll see how it works.

Now I’m in search of a bike and a pair of running shoes. I think my dad has an old bike he can clean up. I don’t suppose I should run in my slip on Vans. Uuggh.

Posted by hopeful @ 8:32 AM • Comments (3)

February 12, 2008

Desperado

Holy crows feet it’s cold. Motivated by the challenge of keeping my energy costs low, each month I try and beat the price of the previous month. Today it’s absolutely freezing and when my husband and daughter aren’t home I lower the heat a lot. I’m sitting here, my fingers frozen and barely able to type, with my winter coat on in my home (how pathetic).

Optimistic for an upside to this situation, I’m hoping that this will raise my metabolism. I’ve always heard that drinking cold water raises your metabolism because your body is trying to keep you warm. Does this apply to when you’re freezing yourself?

I hope so. The song Desperado comes to mind. “Desperado Why dont you come to your senses….”

Posted by hopeful @ 1:04 PM • Comments (1)

February 11, 2008

187 stuck

Cool, I weighed myself this morning and I’m still 187, so it stuck.

I’ve been feeling really good about my eating. My anxiety is doing much better and my appetite is back. Mainly for financial reasons I’ve been strictly monitoring my diet. We haven’t been out to eat in at least a month (wheh-hew) and when I go food shopping, I make a list and stick to it not straying a bit. That has been really helpful in keeping the cost down and not making unhealthy impulsive buys. Because I’m eating what feels like so little to me (it’s really not, that’s just relative to what I want to eat) I’m making sure it’s healthy. I haven’t completely deprived my family of any fun though; we’ve been seeing my grandma and family once a week for pizza dinner. They provide the pizza and I’ve been making side dishes with a vegetable of some sort.

This approximate 10 pounds has made such a difference in how my legs feel. They feel like they’ve been relieved of a ton of weight and ache a lot less. Looking forward to every subsequent pound lost is driving my motivation.

I know I must sound like a total cheapskate too but when I’m tightly watching my budget it really reminds me of the things in life that are really important and releases me from the ‘want’ mentality. I’ve been spending more time reading with my daughter, going to the library, and playing with her at the free play center in the Y. We haven’t been to a mall or any super centers where we just feel deprived of all superficial junk. In many ways super gluing the purse closed is quite liberating.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:12 AM • Comments (3)

February 7, 2008

Picture of me at the party

I’ve been too lazy to take a picture of myself so I searched through the pictures from my daughter’s birthday to see if I had been captured somewhere in the background. I was sure I hadn’t posed for any as I have mastered the art of dodging the lens.

Here’s me standing behind the kids, it was the best shot I could find. There wasn’t one where I was completely in frame. Not too bad, although that’s probably my best angle. I look much worse directly from the front or side.

That’s my favorite fat outfit, or more accurately, feel comfortable in my fat outfit.

I had to go to the doctor on Monday for a UTI that snuck upon me over the weekend. It turns out that I was also dehydrated and my doctor couldn’t figure out why. After I’m done with the antibiotics he’ll have me get some fasting blood work to see if anything’s wrong. The first thing that came to mind was that I had weighed in at 187 that morning, so now was that inaccurate because I was dehydrated? Damn. I’ll weigh in again on Friday and we’ll see. Health, shmealth, it’s those numbers on the scale! ;-)

Posted by hopeful @ 10:24 AM • Comments (2)

February 4, 2008

187

187 today, wheh-hew! This is helping me feel better already. My body can totally feel the relief of removing nearly 10 pounds (especially my legs).

I’m eating a little more these days than I had two weeks ago because I’m mentally feeling better too. Food has been put on the back burner though because I have bigger fish to fry. It’s certainly different for me to have another type of issue take precedence over my battle with food. I’m still struggling a bit with my depression and anxiety but am really working on staying positive and making myself well again.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:13 AM • Comments (1)

February 2, 2008

Before and after

Here it is. I think the after definitely looks better.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MINI!

Posted by hopeful @ 10:48 AM • Comments (2)

February 1, 2008

Feeling a little better

Over the past couple of days I’ve been feeling a little better. I have more of an appetite and my shakes have diminished.

I’ve called in the big guns and will see a therapist for six sessions (dictated by my health insurance) to determine my next course of action depending on how it goes. The first session, I had verbal diarrhea and it felt so good. For next time I plan on collecting my thoughts so that I can sound more coherent. My health insurance also requested that I get signed off by a cardiologist before proceeding with an exercise plan. I guess they want to be sure that some of my anxiety symptoms aren’t actually a REAL heart attack. That will put my mind at ease too because I, of course, think they’re real.

I went into the office today and everything went well and was nice. I perfectly faked total confidence. I’m a little tapped out from computer overload but wanted to give a brief update. Thanks everyone for your concern and advice.

Tomorrow I have the day off to prepare for my daughter’s birthday on Saturday. I have to replicate a SpongeBob cake that I made to near perfection in the trial run. My ‘day of’s never go like my trial runs. If my liquid eyeliner fiasco is any example, the night before I looked like Audrey Hepburn and the day of I looked like Amy Winehouse after she had been hit by a bus.

Here’s the trial cake.

Posted by hopeful @ 12:59 AM • Comments (2)

January 28, 2008

190 lbs today

I find myself eagerly anticipating my weight loss despite the fact that it is driven by my depression. I’m trying to eat enough so that I don’t go into starvation mode and my metabolism (what’s left of it) comes to a screeching halt. Maybe the positive effects of weight loss will help me out of this rut I’m in. I’m happy to be losing weight but I would trade it right now for the sanity of my mind.

I’m doing everything I can to try and resolve this without medication for the time being. I plan on seeing a counselor. I’m meditating. Wow, it is a lot of exercise to quite my obsessive compulsive mind. (Jeeze, I just repeated that sentence 20 times in my head, do you see what I’m dealing with here?)

I have a lot that could be causing this explosion of depression and anxiety. I want another child, I want to be able to care beyond adequately for the one I have (although right now I hope I’m even adequate), and I want to feel safe. If I could have one luxury, I would ask for temporary reprieve, a time I could rest and recover and most of all feel nurtured so that I could rebuild my strength to move forward.

I think the winter time makes me want to hibernate so that I can rejuvenate and gear up for spring. I wish we could actually follow nature and operate like that. I want spring to happen soon so that my body can kick it up a notch and feel more motivated by nature’s course that’s occurring around me.

Posted by hopeful @ 11:41 AM • Comments (6)

January 24, 2008

Grateful

I’m sure that I’ve mentioned this before, but when I started losing weight back in March 2005 I was listening to hypnosis CDs. I can’t necessarily prove their effectiveness but I know they made me feel better, if for no other reason than taking time out for myself to meditate. I don’t remember now when it was that I stopped listening but I certainly know why. My young daughter somewhere between the age of 1 and 2 scratched the crap out of my favorite one. No surprise, it is called Depression Buster.

In the wake of the depression and anxiety that I’ve been feeling the past two weeks I made a desperate plea to the company that I bought my hypnosis from. I told them what my daughter had done and asked them if it would be possible to send in my damaged CD for a new one. I was prepared to pay shipping. I was hoping to save the cost of the CD because I don’t have a cent to spare (I didn’t tell them that).

The nicest customer service woman responded requesting my mailing information because she was going to send me a new one. She said that there was lifetime guarantee on them. I exploded in grateful tears when I read her words. I felt like she reached through my computer and embraced me with comfort.

Now I can put away my power sander that I tried to use to buff out the gouges my daughter inflicted upon the CD. And I can tell you right now it’s not an effective method to polish CDs. The sander just shot the CD against the wall with enough power to decapitate a passerby. Thank goodness I was in the basement because it actually crumbled a little stone out of the brick.

I’m eagerly checking the mail everyday. I want to thank Karen from Wendi.com for making my week. I truly think these are the best hypnosis CDs ever.

** Again this is not a paid advertisement just a result of a great experience.

Posted by hopeful @ 7:55 PM

January 22, 2008

191 this morning

Wow, what an impact a little depression and anxiety can have on your weight. Hopefully the weight loss can help me climb out of my slump (all while maintaining this level of eating).

Next week I’m going into the office. I’ll be feeling better going in there a little thinner than last time and just connecting with people will have an additional positive effect. I’ll take anything I can get at this point.

Posted by hopeful @ 11:13 AM • Comments (3)

January 19, 2008

One of my first readers is making a name for herself

Molly has been reading me since the beginning. Her and I lost our first 20 pounds or more together (of that particular go-round, that is). Molly is the creator of The Bagette.

Many years ago my husband surprised me and bought me two Bagettes from Molly. I love them and still use them to this day.

Recently she was featured on her local ABC channel, which is pretty awesome. I admire Molly for making her passion into a business. I hope I can do the same some day.

Click the link below to see her on TV.

http://www.abc4.com/mediacenter/local.aspx?videoid=77123@video.ktvx.com&navCatId=462

Posted by hopeful @ 2:11 AM • Comments (2)

January 18, 2008

193

Wow I weigh 193 this morning. It feels very nice to see significant downward movement after so long. I cannot believe my lack of appetite, but don’t get me wrong I’ve been forcing myself to eat. I think what’s tipped the scale is my lowered carb intake. Eating bread and the like always makes me feel like I’ve eaten a brick and with my stomach in a constant state of knot, it just can’t handle the thought of something so solid in there.

I read an article about a study of a diet high in monosaturated fat, like that in olive oil. People who ate a diet as such lost more overall weight, lost more weight around their internal organs, lowered their cholesterol more, felt less hungry, and many more great things. The article suggested that it was beneficial to include oil high in monosaturated fat in every meal (of course within the elected calorie count sufficient to lose weight.)

Over the million years I’ve been obsessed with weight loss and the bazillion diet, fitness, and health articles I’ve read, I’ve learned of a quadrillion theories. The Mediterranean diet and olive oil have come up a lot in all of that. So I’m believin’ a bit.

This past week I’ve been eating a lot of veggie protein because it feels so fresh, clean and light. I have it with every meal and I pour a half of a table spoon of olive oil on it. I’ve also been eating a lot of spinach salad with olive oil and vinegar (not packaged salad dressing). I have to admit, with the olive oil on basically everything I eat, my meals have been very satisfying. I feel full for much longer.

I hope I can continue this even after my perpetual panic subsides. I want to include exercise to improve my mental state as well as contribute to this loss. So far the only exercise I’ve been getting is the constant shakes that seem to start in the early evening until bed.

I had a great cathartic session with my mom last night concerning what’s been going down with me. So I’m not trying to keep it bottled in and I’m looking for support in everyone around me. I hope to get better.

Posted by hopeful @ 8:18 AM • Comments (2)

January 16, 2008

Thanks all

I knew talking to you guys would make me feel better.

The shakes are decreasing a bit and I’m surprised by my ability to maintain composure around other people. I’m trying to cling to the possibility of hope because I’m not quite able to believe it yet.

But I’m going to work as hard as I can to make things better. It’s boiling down to finances again. We are not quite keeping our heads above water yet and that terrifies me and makes me feel like a failure. We’re not as dire as we were before (because of my husband’s job, he’s doing terrific by the way) but close.

I know we just had a kitchen remodel that is adding to the stress a bit, but the truth of it is our house was not sellable before (not at fair market value anyway or to enough people). Now I feel better that if we had to sell we would have an easier time of it (hopefully we would never need to until at least the market was a bit better). That explains my decision for that.

We are working on paring down all of our other expenses and I’m looking into other avenues of income on top of my full time job. I know I’m a hard worker and I will fight a great fight.

About my anxiety, yeah I’ve taken medicine before and might consider it again in the future. I’m trying to feel better naturally as I always worry about side affects and I still want to get pregnant. I know that’s crazy considering my financial position but I would love to have two children (I’d have a bunch if I were wealthy). My financial position could change one day, hopefully for the better, but my ability to have a child won’t. I have a small window left for being able to conceive and I don’t want to regret taking the easy road over the infinitely more satisfying one.

Losing weight at a time like this becomes even more important for me because it gives me the confidence to conquer the world. It really does. Not to mention the physical stamina too.

Today I weighed in at 195. I will weigh on Friday or Monday and put that figure in my stats. I’ll pick one of those days as my regular days.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:57 AM • Comments (3)

January 15, 2008

Sorry I’ve gone a little quite

I’m having another nervous breakdown and it physically cripples me. My anxiety makes me have a hard time believing everything is going to be OK. I run through scenarios in my head over and over again and logic tells me there is no security and I start shaking with fear. I know that technically no one knows what tomorrow brings and yet we can still live normal lives. Well, most people can but I can’t.

I’m not sure I can talk about the detail just yet but that’s where I’m at.

Last time I felt like this it had an affect on my weight because I couldn’t eat. When it gets this severe is about the only time I lose my appetite.

I’ll start weighing as regularly as I remember, hopefully once a week. I weighed today and I’m still at 196. My doom feeling only kicked in the night before last so we’ll see.

I know at some level I’m being irrational but when I spell everything out it doesn’t seem like it.

Posted by hopeful @ 5:11 PM • Comments (5)

January 8, 2008

Wow I didn't gain any weight

I managed to brave the scale yesterday and it appears as though I haven't gained any weight over the extremely indulgent holidays.

I'm stable at 196 where I've been for a while. I hope to change that soon. Since the holidays I've been feeling pretty good (aside from my anxiety, but that's another story). I spent a couple of weekends organizing the mess we had as a result of all our renovation projects and TV show filming. I'm not even close to being done but I'm consistently chipping away and not getting discouraged. I want to apply that to my weight loss.

I know my story hasn't changed for a while but I will continue to go to my Pilates class and I've pulled out my Dance Dance revolution to be a fun way to get me moving more.

I also have to fight my addiction to staying up late. It’s the only time I have to myself and I can’t seem to get enough but it takes a toll on my physically and mentally. I really need to come to grips with the fact that my free time will have to be stolen on the weekends only.

Good night.

Posted by hopeful @ 1:37 AM • Comments (4)

January 3, 2008

Yay for the Biggest Loser and FilterForGood!

I love watching the biggest loser for motivation and inspiration and of course as luck would have it I forgot to DVR the new season opener on New Years day. I now have it programmed so that won’t be an issue again.

The biggest loser is what inspired me to start this blog. I went to audition for the second season and was crushed when I saw the infinite line of people and realized I might as well play the lottery. The only sure thing was to do it myself. I did manage to lose 50 pounds while watching the second season.

I’m hoping this new season will re-inspire me to take off at least the 30 pounds I regained over the past year (then hopefully more).

I feel lucky that in association with the Biggest Loser, Wrigley contacted me to interview Molly Gee (that awesome nutritionist) and they gave us gifts! That was a ton of fun for me.

Now I’ve been contacted by FilterForGood and the B.L. for another great cause that is near and dear to my heart. They are working with The Biggest Loser to eliminate bottled water from the ranch in efforts to help contestants “reduce their waists and their waste” (that’s the catch phrase). Bottled water waste has become a very real environmental concern, with more than 38 billion disposable bottles sent to U.S. landfills last year. Trainers and contestants will pledge to use FilterForGood reusable bottles in an effort to take positive steps toward a healthier body and a healthier planet.

Seriously, when my husband bought a ton of bottled water to bring to work (when we ourselves have a filter!) I nearly divorced him. It was really tearing me apart because I’m a serious environmentalist who recycles and reuses damn near everything. After beating him up with the statistics he changed his ways. He was just being lazy, he’s normally pro the environment too.

I’m not getting paid for these posts I’ve done (although there are some more gifts for us), I truly believe in the cause and the benefits. Now about those gifts… I can give away three gift packs containing 1 FilterForGood water bottle (I can never have enough of these) and 1 Brita filter (or these).

UPDATE: I'M GIVING THE WATER BOTTLES TO THE FIRST THREE COMMENTERS. WE HAVE FILLED THE QUOTA (the first three commenters below), SO CONGRATULATIONS TO THE WINNERS! (Winners, please email me your addresses and I will have the water bottles sent to you.)

Check out this site http://www.filterforgood.com/ for some awesome information especially in the “Tips from Josh” tab. There are some little easy things we can all do to make an impact on bettering our earth.

Posted by hopeful @ 11:06 AM • Comments (4)

December 31, 2007

Happy New Year

I’m tired. I’m sad that the week long Christmas celebration is over. We did so much with family and friends this past week, it was wonderful. Now I have no more distractions. I really need to get off of my butt anyways.

I did well not gaining weight over Thanksgiving, but Christmas, forget about it. I’m very afraid to go near the scale, although, I don’t even have to because my pants are squeezing the truth out of me. Thanks to the digital age, I already saw pictures from yesterday where I could not make a distinction between my boobs and my belly roll. Unfortunately, after breast feeding I’m not so sure I can assume the one closer to the ground was my belly.

The first half of this year was awful but the second half flipped 180 degrees and was great. Of course, because I suffer from severe anxiety I can hardly find any comfort in that. My new year’s resolution is to feel more in control. I want gain control of my fitness and health and feel like I can enjoy myself. I want to gain the confidence to tackle any crazy situation that might arise. My anxiety convinces me that those crazy situations are imminent and I can only find comfort in that I’m equipped to handle them. I just want to be at peace with myself and the world around me.

I think it’s critical to my mental health to eat well and exercise. I’m quite concerned about by mental-ness that it takes precedence over my weight.

I think I need to cut back on TV to regain my ability to focus. My attention span has diminished to maybe five minutes.

I want to find my passion and become really good at something.

Happy New Year from my family!

Posted by hopeful @ 1:35 PM • Comments (3)

December 18, 2007

We’re filming

Oh my goodness, craziness. Yesterday we filmed our first day of the show! It was absolutely awesome and surreal. I’m really tired so I don’t know how coherent this will be (and I don’t have a lot of time).

Everybody associated with the show is hot, girls and boys alike, and they’re all super nice. Luckily because we’ve been in construction mode with our kitchen for a while, having the crew here hasn’t felt a whole lot more intrusive. Actually it just felt like an awesome party.

Of course fatness had to mar the experience just a bit. I wasn’t too self-conscious during the shoot. There was quite a bit of me pulling my shirt down but that was more to cover up my jean pockets that keep inverting themselves and my ass crack. I wasn’t self-conscious talking to all the hot carpenters either. I just wished I was thin a lot. I think I’d broadcast to the whole world that I was on one of my favorite TV shows rather than mostly my closest friends.

I don’t have much time now, more updates to come!

Posted by hopeful @ 7:48 AM • Comments (3)

December 6, 2007

We got the show

We are going to be on the HGTV show Don't Sweat It!

They are going to come over and film us doing a few home improvement projects. I'm so excited. I'm also nervous

Here's a picture of me with the host of the show.
AAhhhh

Posted by hopeful @ 12:17 PM • Comments (10)

December 5, 2007

OMG

Steve Watson from the TV show Don't Sweat It is coming over tomorrow (or later today depending on how you look at it).

I can't believe it.

Posted by hopeful @ 2:01 AM • Comments (4)

November 30, 2007

Kitchen update

I’ve posted the before and progress photos of my kitchen here:

http://www.i-love-this-house.com/kitchen.html

It’s certainly a no frills site but I just had to get the pictures up. Everything takes me twice as long these days because my mind is a little overwhelmed with managing everything. But I see a light at the end of the tunnel and it feels great. I’ve been feeling great throughout the whole process but my mind is a bit fogged, not unlike when I was pregnant (but I’m not.)

In other good news, I didn’t gain an ounce over Thanksgiving (of course I didn’t lose any) and I went to the second Pilate’s class this past Tuesday.

It’s tough writing a post when not a whole lot has changed other than my kitchen. Of course I’m still trying to make positive changes is my life it’s just going very slowly. I’m very busy each day just living. The thing I’m happiest about is that my moods are certainly more stable and I’ve been feeling overall really happy. That is a huge accomplishment. Now I have to figure out how to move forward or change things up a little bit.

Posted by hopeful @ 2:49 PM • Comments (7)

November 21, 2007

Breaking old habits

Last night I cut out of work early (or on time, which is early for me) and I didn’t know what to do with myself (and my daughter). Surprisingly spending quality time with my most precious loved one wasn’t the first thing to come to mind. It should have been a no-brainer, but it wasn’t. Instead, I found myself pondering what food service place to go to or what mall would my daughter dislike the least. I was looking for a quick fix.

I played tug of war with myself and thank goodness, goodness prevailed. I really had to think hard about an activity that my daughter and I would enjoy doing together that didn’t entail money or eating. It being cold, rainy and dark early didn’t help matters. We belong to the YMCA that has a fantastic indoor playground, but it’s a little further away, more of an ordeal, and I was hoping not to get home so late. We decided to go to the library and it was perfect. We played computer games, read books, and I got to look up a few books of my own.

It’s not like we’ve never been to the library before, we go a lot actually (mostly on weekends though), but those old habits die hard. My first instincts were to involve food and money for thoughtless easy activity.

So while I may not be exercising my body as much as I should, I am exercising behavior changes. It’s all part of the game.

Posted by hopeful @ 1:40 PM • Comments (5)

November 20, 2007

The Wrigley’s gifts have been rewarded

Thanks all for participating! Those receiving the gifts will be contacted via email (probably have already).

My progress has been at a snail’s pace and I’m just happy to be maintaining my sanity (same ole’ story). I’m actually feeling pretty good. I know it doesn’t provide a lot of weight loss excitement but that’s where I’m at.

This morning I went to a Pilate’s class that I promised my back I would attend. I’m so thrilled I went because I came very close to bailing out. It seemed that time was slipping away from me on so many different occasions before actually getting there. I woke up late, my daughter was going nuts, and I caught every red light, and so on. Yet I arrived with minutes to spare.

I really had a lot of anxiety about wearing my yoga pants in public. My side profile is a perfect circle and I felt nearly nude. I haven’t had this level of sensitivity before. Maybe I was a bit anxious about the class and being able to do the moves. My stomach nearly prevents me from bending over, chin to chest is about as far as I can get.

Aside from remembering to shave my legs, it all went pretty well. In regards to my stomach issues I had to modify the poses but still got a great workout and it made my back feel great.

So now I’m good, I’ve broken the ice and should have no excuse to not go next week.

Posted by hopeful @ 4:54 PM • Comments (1)

November 13, 2007

Biggest Loser/Wrigley’s Blog Tour

Wrigley’s and NBC’s The Biggest Loser have teamed up to do a blog tour and today they're stopping here.

Below is our interview with Wrigley nutritionist Molly Gee. Molly Gee is a registered dietitian and communications consultant with more than 25 years experience in health/nutrition communications and the clinical management of obesity. She is Also a dynamic leader in the American Dietetic Association (ADA). In recognition of her dedication and contributions to dietetics, she received the ADA’s Medallion award in 2004.

Thanks Molly!

1) What made you want to become a nutritionist?

Food has always been at the center of my world. As a child growing up in the kitchen of my parent’s Chinese restaurant, I knew that my family’s livelihood depended on selling delicious foods. In high school, I met a Registered Dietitian who inspired me to look into the science of food and how it relates to health and happiness. I’ve never regretted this decision to become a Registered Dietitian.

2) Is it true that your body has a natural body weight that it is comfortable at, and no matter how much dieting/exercise you do, your body will fight to return to that "natural weight" even if that weight is technically considered overweight?

In 1982, the set-point theory suggested that body weight is regulated by a control system as an explanation for the difficulty that chronic dieters had in losing weight. It’s not that simple and does not provide an excuse for not trying to achieve a healthy weight. Scientists continue to explore the complex mechanisms that regulate food intake and energy balance which consequently results in body weight. What we can do now is to control are the calories we eat and the calories we burn through physical activity.

3) Are low-carb diets really safe?

Always let your physician know when you are starting a new diet or exercise program. The National Academy of Science has set the Acceptable Macronutrient Range for carbohydrates in adults at 45 – 65 % of total calories. Following a very low carbohydrate for long term carries some potential health risks like an increase of keto-acids which may result in bone mineral loss, elevated blood cholesterol and increased risk of kidney stones.

4) From your experience what are the most common mistakes people make in their weight loss journey?

-- Most people suffer from “all or nothing” thinking. They have to be “perfect” on a diet or they can’t lose all 50 pounds. In other words, they are simply on or off a diet. Losing weight is a life-long journey.

-- People get in a hurry to lose weight. Start with small steps which will make the biggest difference over time. Substitute a 5 – 10 calorie piece of gum like Extra instead of reaching for a high calorie treat. Check out: http://gumisgood.com/walkandchewgum/ for some more great tips, food and activity journal and even a grocery list.

5) If you're overweight and never ate a lot of refined sugars are you at less risk of diabetes or does that not make a difference?

Sugar does not cause Diabetes. People with a family history of diabetes, high blood pressure and are overweight are at higher risk of developing diabetes. Hispanics and African Americans have a higher rate of diabetes.

6) Many diets have the disclaimer regarding "consult a physician if you have or ever had an eating disorder". Are these tendencies ignited or fueled by dieting or is it just a safeguard?

It’s always a good idea to let you primary physician know about any change in diet or activity as a safeguard for your health.

7) What is the single most important change that a person can make on their road to becoming healthy?

First, identify why you want to make a lifestyle change. Are you motivated by your health, the welfare of the family, a milestone birthday? Keep focused on that long-term goal.

Next, keep a journal on food and activity. Write down everything you put in your mouth and the number of steps you take each day. This makes you accountable and increases your chances for behavior change.

****

Wrigley and NBC’s The Biggest Loser are giving away 10 Walk and Chew Gum sets. These include a pedometer, a water bottle, gum, and a bonus Biggest Loser DVD. I'll be giving away some to everyone who helped me come up with the questions and the remainder go to the first commenters on this post. I will email the winners and let you know what you need to do to recieve yours.

Posted by hopeful @ 8:04 AM • Comments (7)

November 12, 2007

Totally too honest

I’m not really sure what’s wrong with me today. I am dying to go out to eat. I’ve wanted to munch all day and I just want to get out. I tried to squelch that desire by having a glass of wine. Now I’m buzzed (it was a very big glass) and want to go out more than ever. It’s been very hard for me to focus at work today (this is before the wine).

I kinda wish I could be knocked out until this passes.

Posted by hopeful @ 5:36 PM

November 6, 2007

Slowly chipping

I’m continuing to do pretty well. Everyday I just try to eat a little less and move around a little more. These are very slight changes so I don’t feel like I’m making any crazy sacrifices or doing anything drastic that won’t work over the long haul. I feel like I’m eating what I want and there’s a little less focus on food. It helps me feel a little more normal (yes Mia, I just want to be normal).

Not having a kitchen might be helping too. I don’t eat so much because I don’t want to wash dishes. I just bought paper plates tonight so hopefully that doesn’t counter the dish washing theory. And having so much to deal with is a nice distraction to keep my mind off of food.

My back is doing much better so I’m not looking at months of immobility like last time. I’m planning on taking a beginner’s Pilates class at my gym (I know, I forgot I was a member also) to strengthen my back and everything else. It should be just enough for me to handle.

I think I've been losing about a half a pound a week or so and I feel good and less yo-yo-ee for longer periods of time, now that's progress! I weighed 195 this morning.

Here are some progress pictures of my kitchen from before to demo. More to come. My husband isn't thrilled by how he looks in these :-).

(Click the jump below to see the pics)

Posted by hopeful @ 11:29 PM • Comments (8)

October 30, 2007

Kitchen remodel!

Whe-hew, we are starting the kitchen remodel this Wednesday on Halloween as if that day weren’t busy enough. I’m so excited. I’m not going to let my nerves about being without a kitchen get to me. I think I’m going to buy a bunch of healthy frozen dinners to get us through. And maybe we’ll spend a lot of time at my parents.

As if I weren’t a little stressed enough my back decided to go out on me today. It was actually my fault. I lifted something heavy, the wrong way, without even thinking. I keep replaying the moment and wish I could take it back. Not unlike the first three months I let 30 pounds of my weight explode back on.

Now I’m walking with a cane, hunched over and look a hundred years old. I’m trying to stay positive. Usually I like to wallow but now I’m beginning to think that prolongs it so I’m going to take a different approach.

I can’t feel sorry for myself because I’m getting a new kitchen and Halloween is this week and I might be meeting the host of “Don’t Sweat It”, Steve. I’m stoked.

In weight related news, I haven’t worked out for days and my weight is holding steady at 196 despite eating tons this weekend. I’m still searching and trying to look for ways to make changes that will be everlasting. Changes that aren’t too affected by the crazy things, for good or bad, that happen in my life.

Posted by hopeful @ 12:25 AM • Comments (1)

October 24, 2007

Delay on interview

I was supposed to post my interview yesterday with Wrigley nutritionist Molly Gee. I sent her my questions nearly at the last minute and she’s currently away so my new date for the interview is on November 13th. Please stay tuned.

In other news I’m doing well.

Last week I worked out on my elliptical trainer four days and this week I continued on that roll. Currently I’m in my hotel room in Connecticut and unfortunately there’s no workout room so I’ve been derailed until Saturday. I’m not worried. I’m very happy that I haven’t felt compelled to raid the snack stand while watching TV tonight. I’ve associated hotels with snacks for as long as I can remember. Per Pavlov’s dog, I should be salivating as we speak.

I didn’t weigh myself this week because I was ovulating and I realize that I get very bloated during this time. I will resume weigh-in on Monday when hopefully I’m not bloated any more. Hopefully I’m bloated now and not just fooling myself.

I re-tried on my outfits that I picked to wear into the office tomorrow. The longer I look in the mirror the fatter I begin to look. I don’t feel fat, so I don’t initially see it, but as I examine myself it becomes visible. Putting on my fashion show made me feel quite blah. That’s better than feeling totally down in the dumps so I’m not too concerned about it affecting my mood tomorrow.

So all in all it’s good. I’m not taking it to the extremes. I’m slowly plugging away.

Posted by hopeful @ 11:46 PM

October 17, 2007

Sick but motivated

Despite feeling terrible I’ve been doing pretty well. I managed to get on my elliptical trainer twice since Monday and I’m shooting for no less than four times this (and every week). I’m keeping my goals manageable so that I don’t get discouraged (I’ve probably said that a hundred times now.)

I’m not concerning myself with my eating as much because that will throw me into the obsessive zone. For the most part I eat well and balanced, just too much (of everything, not junk in particular). In fact I’m happy that I rarely feel the need to binge. For example, my husband bought a bag of potato chips and they lasted forever. I would use a small dip bowl, fill it, and be satisfied and I really wasn’t even thinking about it. Aside from the rare chip bag, we don’t have any junk food in the house.

I think once I can stay on a roll with my exercising than the eating will follow.

I’m so happy with so much right at the moment, it’s