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October 1, 2010

Down a few more pounds

Despite all the craziness and emotional turmoil I am continuing to eat well. I'm quite surprised, but I am taking a different approach than I have before.

I used to get really annoyed when my hypnosis instructors would say imagine yourself eating something bad, try to smell it, taste it, and then really feel what you feel afterwards, how stuffed and how bad you feel. Yadda yadda yadda. I always imagined pizza (yummy!) and I wouldn't go any further and then I'd want pizza so damn bad. Ultimately I'd always get it.

Now it's similar, yet different. I am flat out abstaining from pizza, not depriving myself completely of all things bad, just some things, mostly cheese. But what's different is that I'm bypassing the step where I imagine myself eating the bad food and am just focusing on how bad I felt 12 or more pounds heavier.

Right after I would lose control and binge, for a brief time, I would have no desire to eat. And that was about the only time I would have absolutely no desire. So I try and take myself back to that feeling, the grossness and heaviness. I also think about how I feel when I need to get dressed up nice, how crappy it is.

Those feeling in contrast to how much better I feel having lost 12-15 pounds is keeping me going. For the time being anyway (I know all too well how it can change).

I'm weighing in at 191 today and feel great. Considering all I've been going through, I'm glad I have this one good thing going on.

I'm moving forward with my second IVF cycle and trying to stay optimistic.

Posted by hopeful @ October 1, 2010 9:10 AM