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August 17, 2010

Updated stats

I updated my stats that are located above, to the right of my picture. I weigh 15 pounds heavier than I did last year at this time and 40 pounds heavier than four years ago. Bummer.

But I am happy that I weighed in at 200 this morning, down 5 lb.s in 3 weeks and that I am continuing to go to the gym. Today I jogged one mile and walked a mile, along with doing some weights.

Thank goodness I feel really happy about this and it is countering how I feel about my medicine situation.

Posted by hopeful @ 1:31 PM

Holy cow

I am stunned and feel like I've been punched in the face.

I have been receiving letters from my prescription plan company informing me they are refusing to cover some of the medication needed for IVF. They completely deny that there's proof I need the meds despite my doctor saying so.

This could make my medication cost three times as much, upwards of 15k!! On top of what I've already paid for the services!!

Shortly after letting the fertility clinic know of the denial, they had another pharmacist call me who said he could possibly help me. He said worse case scenario he should be able to get me a slight discount because he has a direct line to the drug manufacturers. He chose this as a specialty because his family went through IVF.

Despite that small ray of light, I'm bummed. It is hardly a ray of light because things have gotten worse, just not quite as bad as I thought.

This process is devastating. And it is a little hard to talk about it to people in my real life. My husband, if he knew I was being run through the mill like this, would probably encourage me to bail completely.

I don't know how crazy people think I am for doing this.

I feel very sad that this process isn't made more accessible (ideally covered).

Right now I feel sad and anxious.

Posted by hopeful @ 12:19 PM

August 16, 2010

I've been working out

Over the past three weeks I have managed to workout 4 to 5 times a week and I've barely lost 4 pounds. But that's ok. I don't care how slow I chip away at this weight, I just want to keep bringing it down. In fact this rate might be just right for me because it doesn't drive me crazy or lead me to want to starve and binge or anything. It will also be much healthier in the event I become prego.

When I weighed myself three weeks ago I saw 205! This morning I was 201 and I'm eager to get back into the 100s.

I want to continue to write about my efforts to lose weight and my experience going through IVF. Hopefully that turns into chronicling a healthy pregnancy where I miraculously gain the minimum amount of weight.

I have my next appointment this Thursday to determine my medication regimen, etc. The cost of said meds maybe 5k (on top of what I already paid). I am curious to see if insurance will cover any of it.

Thanks everyone for your concern and well wishes!

Posted by hopeful @ 4:18 PM

August 3, 2010

Cheers

I could really use a drink today or a pill to help me relax.
  
I got my period.  Which isn't a big surprise because we took a month off of any fertility assistance, but I was still hoping.

This marks the beginning of the IVF process and I'm feeling nervous.  All things medical freak me out a bit and I'll have to go under scary anesthesia.

The next bit has compounded upon those nerves and sent me into a tailspin.  I've paid the upfront fees amounting to nearly 22 thousand dollars and when my medication arrives i'm looking at another five.  Oh and there will be more because that anesthesia and other little details that are not covered by the program keep adding up.

I'm ok though.  I'm hoping for the best and thinking about my daughter who desperately wants a sibling.  I know I'm doing the right thing for me, but not every aspect of it feels good.  I haven't wavered on my decision at all, yet it has been difficult.

Knowing the next month or two will be physically taxing (and possibly the 9 months after that, then the next 3 to 4 years after that), I have started working out.  Last week I went to the gym four times, and so far, once this week.  This has made me feel good.  Tomorrow I might try and weigh myself and start keeping track.

I have to get into the mode of working really hard because at a minimum I will be working extra to pay all of this off!

Posted by hopeful @ 3:12 PM