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June 15, 2010

Tough choices

Man o man, nothing comes easy for me.

Since last post I have been feeling better. I had been going through the worst mental slump since my mother passed away. My husband and I got through that big fight and are now doing well. I have been able to enjoy the weekends again and generally things feel nice.

Par for the course though, gosh forbid things go easy.

Miraculosly my husband has turned a corner and is being very supportive of having another child and we have been going to a fertility clinic. We went through one cycle of IUI to no success. That was a huge bummer because I really felt prego. I was so excited one night I thought I might even post about betting on that fact. Glad I held out because that would have amplified the let down.

We are now in the process of another try. I am praying to all goodness that this one works out. If it doesn't I am left with a difficult decision to try IVF.

In my mind and heart it is very clear I should try it. I may be out of time as it is, there is certainly no room for me to wait and consider it later. The biggest aspect making it not so clear cut is the fact that it will cost us 25,000 dollars. It is not covered by my insurance. IVF doesn't always work on the first try either and there is no money back guarantee. I would have one shot at it. If it took, it would be the best decision I ever had made and if it didn't, that gamble might haunt me forever.

25k is really out of my comfort zone. I feel it puts my family in a vulnerable position to take away that much of our safety net and savings.

I am also a little nervous about screwing with nature. I am not sure this is a decision I have the luxury of making.

Of course if money weren't an option, I'd do it in a second and then get all philosophical on nature later.

I feel like this is the biggest decision I've ever had to make. I'm just praying this IUI takes.

Posted by hopeful @ June 15, 2010 10:16 AM