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June 24, 2009

Rough week

I feel like I'm PMSing this week, I've been so irritable. But I don't think I should be feeling it so soon because I'm only half way through my cycle. I track my period, not just for wanting to get prego but because I experience PMS pretty bad. A psychiatrist clued me in on my symptoms after she tracked my behavior for a year, unbeknownst to me (this was over 10 years ago). Knowing when its occurring helps me to cope and forgive myself for how I'm feeling.

Anyway, food makes me feel better, but it's such a quick and short fix that it only really lasts while it's touching my tongue. Moments after I'm done eating I feel like crap all over again.

I've worked out a bunch this week but I can completely offset that in one TV watching evening.

I feel like I'm bouncing off the walls with frustration. I'm at a loss on how to alleviate this tension that comes along with my PMS.

So I'm sitting here typing while watching TV and fighting the urge to make popcorn. With large amounts of butter. Maybe watching Top Chef Masters isn't such a good idea.

I'll keep you posted whether or not I cave. I'm so close to caving.

{Update}

F-IT! I can do this. I didn't make anything to eat and I just shut off the TV.

Lynne over at "Faster" actually gave me a moment of motivation just after reading the first two sentences of her latest post. I'll copy them here in case you don't click the link.

Since 2003 I have lost about 30 pounds. SLOW is an understatement, but this year 180+/- pounds has felt pretty good.

I'm pretty much in the same boat as her. I'm really happy I clicked that link because it's been too long since I've explored the land of weight loss blogs and caught up on any reading.

Anyway, I need to go to bed before I'm lured by the fridge or pantry again.

ONE VICTORY TODAY.

Posted by hopeful @ 11:15 PM

June 16, 2009

I need to start this again

I'm cringing as I say this but I need to start making efforts, watching what I eat, and start writing about it again. I have been stagnant for too long. To clarify that, my weight hasn't budged but I've been floundering through many failed attempts at getting back on a successfully moving wagon.

I haven't been completely inactive. I just did a 5k this past weekend and I get in anywhere from 1 to 3 or 4 runs per week. But I counter any activity with a lot of eating. Thank goodness my weight hasn't gone up, but it's far from going down.

I want to do better in these races and I know it's killing me to run with all this weight. There's no doubt in my mind that cutting 10 or more pounds would drastically improve my ability and times.

I've been wanting to eat so much lately and craving fattening, salty foods. Whenever I'm watching TV, I know I shouldn't eat anymore for the day but I don't stop thinking about what I want to eat until I am actually chomping on it.

I know all that I can do is say enough is enough and do things differently. Right now it seems like a near impossible task.

I want to lose 40 pounds.

Can I do this. (I'm kind of afraid to make that a question).

Posted by hopeful @ 12:10 AM

June 10, 2009

Threading

Threading is popular in Asian cultures and I've always gotten my eyebrows threaded in Indian salons. I love it.

http://video.about.com/hairremoval/See-the-Threading-Technique.htm

Also, I've been doing well drinking my water and running. I have a 5k to do this weekend and I hope to run the whole thing. Fingers crossed.

Posted by hopeful @ 9:42 PM

June 4, 2009

Working on myself

Ok, so what have I done this week to make myself feel a bit better?

I started drinking water. I'm not going crazy trying to get in 8 cups or anything because before this week I didn't even drink water that wasn't Crystal Light-ized. I just bought a cute stainless steel water bottle that holds 24 ounces, keep it by my desk, and try to drink from it. No pressure.

I've cut down on caffeine after lunch. Most days I didn't even have any after lunch. (I'm hoping this will help my sleeping.)

I went to bed by 11 (which is early for me) a few days too. So I was less grouchy.

I've gone running in my neighborhood, which is nice and more convenient than the gym.
I went out and bought a few new clothing items. That was hard. I wasn't loving myself in anything summer-y. Cotton summer shirts are so thin they cling to my every roll and bra line and look yucky and I don't look great in shorts. I need to move where it's cold all year long.

I also bought new underwear and socks. Not a lot of fun but a necessity, as most of mine are disintegrating. I'm going away with some girlfriends for the weekend and I don't want them to accidentally catch a glimpse of my current underwear and think I shoot bullets out of my butt when I fart.

Oh, and I got my eyebrows threaded.

I feel like I've pampered myself a little bit this week.

Baby steps.

Posted by hopeful @ 3:06 PM

June 1, 2009

It's me again

I just did another tr!athlon yesterday which I'm still in disbelief about. For a million different reasons (excuses) I wasn't able to prepare for it. I had some people really concerned that I shouldn't do it. But I did and I'm thrilled, despite the fact that my times weren't great and I nearly came in last. And that's NOT an exaggeration.

Here are my stats. I included my last one so you could compare how much worse I did.

MY RANK!
354 people were in it and 6 didn't finish
348 people did finish
345 - ME!!!!!!

ONLY 3 PEOPLE FINISHED SLOWER!!!!!!!!!

I think my running (which was total walking, needs some improvement :-)
But I'm happy I finished and I'm happy I did it.

I know it's been a long time since I posted and that's because there really has been no dramatic change in my life. My weight has been holding steady right around 180.
But the summer is starting to heat up and I have two more tr!athlons to do. Another big impact on my life has been some friends that I've been making over the past year. I've been spending more time with a group of women who are my age and look a hundred times better than me. They have been my motivators to workout (even though I haven't done so well in a couple of months) and be more social.

I don't quite feel that spark of inspiration (that flipped switch or anything) but I want to find the strength to take more pride in how I look, even at this weight. I want to spend a little more energy in presenting myself better rather than always wearing worn jeans and a grungy sweat shirt, even if it's nice fitting new jeans and a clean sweatshirt.

Here's a precise list of a few goals that I want to achieve (work towards over the summer and hold onto forever)

1 -- I want to get in shape and lose weight for the next tr!athlons. My goal is merely 10 pounds by the end of July (totally plausible).

2 -- Take more pride in my appearance. Shop for a few nice clothes to wear and remember to wash my face in the morning.

3 -- Learn to balance work and life better. I am a workaholic, which was fine when I was younger and single but now with a family and the best daughter ever, I need to change that.

After surviving a REALLY tough race yesterday I feel like I can do these things. It's just about having the will to do it.

Posted by hopeful @ 9:57 AM