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August 28, 2008

17 days until race day

Part of my mental capacity has kind of gone numb and I’m sure it’s because I’m coping with anxiety about being in this triathlon.

We’ve been working out pretty steady so I’m sure I can survive it, although I’m worried about cold ocean water stopping my heart. I’ve been trying to remind myself that I’m just going to coast slowly through it with no expectations. I have to repeat that every second.

I just purchased my bicycle that hopefully arrives in time. I’ll be happy to have one that I can take with me on vacations (like last week which was awesome) and hopefully incorporate into everyday life.

I had also bought a tri-suit to wear for the swimming portion that could transition nicely into the bike riding but when I got it I couldn’t even fit it over my head. I got majorly confused by the size chart on the website and bought a size 30 which translates to a size 4. I don’t think that’s a European size or anything so why I needed to translate in the first place is beyond me. I had to cross coordinate suit type, with sport type, with fabric technology, with plain ole’ fabric, with gender, and everything else under the sun. It really required a quantum physicist doctorate degree that I just don’t have. Now I have to do this race naked, unless I figure this out. I haven’t been able to find a tri-suit in my size anywhere on the web. I might just bust out my “body shapers” or “spanx” and wear those.

I’m not too excited about what I’m going to look like during this race. I’ve seen pictures of athletes that look lean, muscular, and sharp like thoroughbreds. I, however, look like an amorphous blob with a little head (because of swim cap). I have a kind of desperate run for your life (the blobs is ravaging the city) kind of flailing way about me.

Sigh…

Posted by hopeful @ 10:05 AM • Comments (6)

August 20, 2008

Hi

Sorry for the long lapse between posts. Sometimes I cannot muster up the energy to post or do anything else on the computer.

I’m in the middle of my vacation right now and that is amplifying my aversion to the computer but I thought I should check in. I don’t want to completely lose touch.

Things are going pretty well but I’m dealing with the inability to perform certain responsibilities. Sometimes I just get maxed out and overwhelmed and need a break. I completely avoid aspects of my life. I hit a wall and there’s a period of time where I just don’t have the energy to pay attention to certain things and I trudge through the bare minimum. I’ve been feeling this way for the past few weeks or more.

I’m still training hard for the triathlon but my eating has been horrendous and last time I checked the scale I had gained 5 pounds. I’m not sure what’s going on. I can’t always tell what is responsible for my emotional swings. If I were to pick things apart everything seems to be going well, I’m just feeling a bit indifferent or flat, I don’t know.

I’ve been eating crappy foods, too often and snacking when I’m not even hungry. When my eating gets like this, it’s usually a sign that I’m out of control about something (not regarding food). I feel like I should be asserting myself somewhere that I’m not. I’m not sure where that somewhere is. It could be a simple as not having accepted some side work where I’ve helped out far more than I’m getting paid for. Or it could be the struggle I have working to much and not spending adequate and desired time with my daughter. I’ve wanted to get a side business off the ground and am not making any headway on it at all (and it’s costing me some money in the meantime).

I have a lot of responsibility and I take on a lot. I get overwhelmed and can barely keep my head above water. So some aspects of my life suffer a bit and I go quite, just focusing on keeping myself from drowning.

Some things are still going OK, like the training and enjoying this vacation with my family. So I’m going to get back at it. I’ll see you soon though (I haven’t been reading blogs either during this hiatus).

Posted by hopeful @ 1:53 PM • Comments (3)