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May 27, 2008

Wow, his thank you made my day

Last night I was exhausted from the holiday weekend and wanted to just crash. By the time I got my daughter to bed it was nearly nine o’clock because time was going by at lightening speed (as it did all weekend). I was feeling pretty bummed that I didn’t seem to experience the weekend and worse still I was tired from it. To top it all off I needed to iron my husband’s shirts for the week and do at least a load of laundry so that we have underwear to wear. The desire to sleep was so strong I thought I might pass out. But, like a trooper, I started the wash.

Hours later I finished, even folding and putting away the clothes rather than having us live out of the laundry bag during the week. By the end of it all I was feeling sorry for myself, no rest for the weary, envisioning my wrinkles chiseled even further because of my hard knock life. (I was being dramatic.)

This morning I awoke to a clean kitchen because my husband, who stayed up later than me grading papers, thought to do that before he went to bed. I’m not even sure he slept any because he has to get up at 5:45 to go to work. (Needless to say I don’t see him in the morning.) Then, the icing on the cake, he text messaged me a note:

"Luv you! Thanks for washing & ironing everything. Dishwasher clean, cats done, trash & recycling done, I won't forget dentist."

That made me feel great. How nice that he didn’t take it for granted that I was working hard and then he reciprocated the favor! He rocks. We’ve been making a pretty good team lately.

Yay

Posted by hopeful @ 11:08 AM • Comments (4)

May 22, 2008

177

Whoot whoot! (That’s my new favorite way to holler.) I saw 177 on the scale today, yay!

I’m also feeling great because despite recovering from a yucky stomach flu, I ran my 5k yesterday. The night before I thought for sure that I wouldn’t be able to do it but when I started feeling a little better I just decided to show up and play it by ear. This was a much tougher and hilly course and I had to power walk up one of the steep hills (maybe a quarter of a mile). But even with having to walk I beat my last time by a minute! Afterwards I felt awesome and so accomplished it was cool. I am suffering some bad sciatica but I still did OK with it. I feel so tough today even with a corny limp.

I’ve said it before but running these races helps with the motivation and the reward. It’s a lot of fun being around so many people who get excited about it and make you feel great when you’re crossing the finish line. I practically want to cry every time (especially when you think of the charity you’re running for). It’s moving.

I’m hoping this motivation and ambition spreads to other aspects of my life. I’m sure it will.

I’m also excited to see how much better I do when I’m carry 10 less pounds! I can do this.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:07 AM • Comments (3)

May 21, 2008

I managed dinner

I did a great job managing dinner. Normally I would just order pizza and we’d all be in for a heavy dinner. But instead I ordered my parents a chicken meal, pizza for my husband, and I supplemented it with steamed peas and rice. I had a salad, the peas, and a medium size slice of garlic bread with a slice of mozzarella cheese and a pepper.

I felt great about what I ate. All in all the whole day’s intake was on the high side of my goal but not too bad. I was glad that I had the gauge of my calorie journal as a reference to help keep me in line.

I go through phases with calorie counting but right now it’s what I need. Did I mention that I have a mini goal to lose 10 pounds in a month? I think that’s reasonable and I’m really eager to fit into more of my clothes and make my legs feel better. I’ve been feeling pretty great over all but I am still considered severely over weight. I take those charts with a grain of salt but if I’m falling into the severely over weight category then it’s safe to say that I’m at least over weight and can improve.

***************

Yesterday I wasn’t feeling well with a mild stomach virus or something and it made me feel a little bummed out. I’m going to be a little forgiving considering my physical state but I was thinking again about needing to find my passion to feel motivated. I want to write about that more because I want to release some of those feelings and see where many of you are at. I need some perspective on that. I don’t know, we’ll see.

Posted by hopeful @ 1:01 PM • Comments (1)

May 20, 2008

Calorie counting again

Just for a little while anyway, I need to start counting the calories. Yesterday when I ate what I thought was a good amount turned out to be much too little. I was at under 1100 calories just before I went swimming last night. And when I logged it into SparkPeople I was rounding up.

Today on the other hand, I’m already at nearly 800 calories (just after breakfast). I had some granola cereal for breakfast and decided not to leave such a small amount straggling in the bag. When I measured what I had, it came out to one and a half cups. It was a little more than I would have put in there had the box been fuller but didn’t look unreasonable. It’s kind of sitting like a ton of brick in my stomach now so maybe that’s why a serving is only a half a cup (!). I had three servings!

I’m doing dinner with my parents tonight so I have to manage the calorie budget closely. I was planning on ordering Italian food, dang it. They can all enjoy it while I steam myself some veggies or something.

With my workout schedule I’m allotting myself between 1500 and 1800 calories a day. I’ll aim low on the days that I don’t workout. I think that during the beginning of all my training I was under eating which slowed down my metabolism and then I went in the other direction.

Hopefully monitoring what I’m doing for a little while will help me get off of this plateau and put portion sizes back into perspective.

Posted by hopeful @ 11:29 AM • Comments (3)

May 16, 2008

Intimidated

My weight has been the same, juggling 180 and 181. One day I saw 179 for a fleeting second which gave me a brief amount of hope. But a couple of dinners out with co-workers and friends have probably sent that back to the horizon.

I’m so busy that I feel like I operate in a bit of a fog and am tired most of the time. I exercise mentally a lot to stay positive since I had the propensity to go into the dumps. In reflection, I am spending a lot of time with family and friends and I’m exercising a ton and this should make me happy right? It does for the most part, but on days like today when I’m not feeling too well and have the moment to stew, that feeling of something is lacking creeps in.

I should be happy that as a full time working mother I’m doing a great job at balancing so many things. Truth be told though, I feel a bit half assed at everything I do. I remember even thinking this as far back as high school when I was struggling with an eating disorder and keeping depression and anxiety at bay. If I didn’t have so many things to divide me I could really be good at something. Or find what it is that I want to be good at.

I think there’s a part of me that is in a bit of denial about this unknown thing I want to be good at. I’m intimidated by failure. I’ve never really failed at anything because I’ve never tried to do anything that I didn’t already know I could do. You could say that I’ve failed to keep my weight at a healthy level for periods of my life, but that’s not what I’m talking about. Who knows, maybe my weight was a calculated distraction.

You should have seen me, I didn’t apply to many colleges and just decided not to go (until a few years after high school, at which point I did well at an average school). I never tried to excel at anything. I’ve always been good at art but never tried to find my unique style and pursue it (I think I’m partly afraid of it being criticized).

So lately I’ve had a difficult time posting because I don’t know where to begin. There’s either a lot spinning around in my head or nothing. My weight and my eating are fine, nothing is happening either way and I’m feeling a tad indifferent about it (until I want to get dressed up to go out).

If one word could sum up how I feel lately and a lot it is: INTIMIDATED.

I’m glad I got that somewhat rambling thought out today.

Posted by hopeful @ 1:33 PM

May 8, 2008

Stilts

I still feel like I’m walking on stilts since my race. Albeit the shortest set of stilts in the world, as I tower at mere 5 foot barely 3 inches. But I walk as though my legs, below the knee, weigh a ton and I’m struggling to keep my balance. I think I may have torn up my calf muscle a little bit and am not sure what to do about it.

I’m trying to watch what I eat more closely so that I can get off of this plateau. My health coach made me agree to not eat while I watch TV. Now that I’ve become conscious of it, it has become a bit of a struggle. I did well for a few days and then last night I cracked. Of course I can’t just crack by eating my 94% fat free popcorn. I actually melted butter with cheddar cheese and made some kind of popcorny cheeseball. It was awesome. Rest assured that won’t happen again because that cheese was only here on special occasion. I choose not to have my “downfall” items in the house normally. Thank goodness.

In an attempt to add the third element to my tri-training I rode the bike at the gym last night. In 30 minutes I rode just under 9 miles. I had the resistance up pretty good to make it tougher but I was still surprised that I didn’t do better. Maybe I was slacking a little. I spoke to another friend who may have coerced me into doing a spin class at 7am on Saturday mornings. All this exercise must have driven me crazy because, when of sound mind, I wouldn’t agree to sacrifice sleeping in after my favorite night to stay up late. But I need the workout and I’m running out of living hours for which to find the time.

Posted by hopeful @ 2:05 PM • Comments (1)

May 5, 2008

5k – done!

Yay, we did our 5k yesterday and it felt great to do it, minus the extreme pain I felt in my calves.

Last week I was getting a crazy knot in my left calf and as soon as the race started my right one seized up just the same. I was limping big time for a while until it warmed up. I guess I didn’t stretch enough and need to practice a strict warm up regimen. The whole thing was very painful but I managed to finish in about 35 minutes.

It was a nice experience being with so many people who were running to celebrate breast cancer survivors or memorialize loved ones. It didn’t help that I was PMSing but I was on the verge of tears every two seconds. The camaraderie helped motivate me while running for sure though and afterwards I just felt happy.

My friends and I are going to run another one in a few weeks that is held in our town. Having these as goals really helps me focus and stick to a workout schedule. And now I really need to concentrate on losing more weight because my little bones clearly don’t want to run with 180 pounds. I’m paying the price today.

I’ve been eating more since working out so much, but now I need to cut back even just a little bit to start whittling away my poundage.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:46 AM • Comments (5)