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March 27, 2008

Crap

Uuuggh, sick today. I have a sore throat and my neck feels huge.

This week has be a series of blunders and inconveniences that are totally throwing me out of whack. It's rough staying positive but I'm doing a pretty good job, all considering, and I mentally feel optimistic. I haven't swum once yet, and that's not helping.

I took my daughter to the doctor's for her 4 year old checkup and shots. Everything thing is going well with her and she's developing fine…except she's overweight apparently! She's just shy of 39 inches and she weighs 38 pounds (fully clothed and just after breakfast).

I was not expecting this. She doesn't look heavy. The doctor said she by no means needs to go on a diet but it looks like her weight is heading in a steeper trajectory than her height. The doc didn't love that we were vegetarians and gave me some diet advice, most of which I agreed with. As I write this I'm calming down and it doesn't seem like the worst thing in the world. She's not so far gone that we can't just tilt her diet slightly to get back on track. I also think my poor Mini needs more physical activity.

*sigh*, ever so slight. I don't have energy for a bigger one.

Posted by hopeful @ 6:05 PM • Comments (3)

March 24, 2008

I survived! And I’m still 182

Flying wasn’t bad at all. I didn’t love it but the flight was short and I didn’t feel terrible or freak out.

My brother, sister, and I had a wonderful weekend together in Florida despite the fact that it rained our one day there and they had to call the game. We made the best of it and went out for a long night on the town. There was lots of drinking and even dancing on the bar goin’ on. Needless to say I wasn’t feeling great yesterday but was happy to be home with the rest of my family to celebrate Easter.

I’m still recovering today and trying to figure out how to get back into the swing of things. I dared to weigh myself this morning and even with all my clothes on I’m still 182. I didn’t watch what I ate this weekend but I notice that I just don’t eat as much in general. Portion control, even when the choices aren’t the best, is coming a lot more naturally. I craved cheesy foods yesterday (not uncommon the day after drinking) but didn’t eat too much of it. Also while I was watching a little TV last night I didn’t feel the urge to snack.

It’s nice to feel kinda normal.

Posted by hopeful @ 9:47 AM • Comments (1)

March 21, 2008

I got the drugs

And now they’re starting to kick in and I’m beginning to feel too lazy to type this.

After going swimming on Wednesday I felt much better and it carried over into yesterday. I almost wasn’t sure I would need any medical assistance but I called my doctor anyway. I just want to be sure I feel OK about it.

I swam again last night and this morning went to a training group for running a 5k we signed up to do in May. I was tired after getting up early but totally got into it and did great. I can’t imagine running ever being my thing but I did really well. It’s going to be much easier when I lose more weight because I don’t like the way it feels when my whole body clunks down on me.

I never before wanted to commit to being in a race or anything but it really has been helpful to make my workouts feel more purposeful. And I’ve found the perfect people to workout with. They’re enjoyable to be around and still motivated enough that we don’t slack off and talk the whole time or convince each other to bail. It’s perfect.

Now I want to go lay down for a bit or something. But I’m feelin’ good.

Thanks all for your support. I might be the only person in the world without an ipod. I hope there is an in flight movie that could work just the same.

Lynne, my brother lives in Boston and I have both a Yankees and a Red Sox hat, not that I know the difference. I’m just going to watch a bunch of hot guys playing in the warmth and sun.

Have a great weekend all!

Posted by hopeful @ 12:48 PM

March 19, 2008

Terrified

I’m going away this weekend for a short trip to Florida. My brother and sister convinced me to go see a Yankee’s spring training game. I’m very excited to spend the weekend with them and look forward to a game in the sun.

But I’m terrified of flying. I feel like crying every minute. I know I’ll enjoy the time I’m there but will also be worried about the flight back. I just want to be home safe and sound.

I’ve flown tons in my life, probably close to a hundred times, but almost two years ago I could no longer stand the thought of it. I even had to take a train to California for my business trip.

I figured this trip would be a good way to get me back on the saddle because it’s not as long of a flight and I’ll be with my sister. But right now I wish I never agreed to it. I’m so unhappy that I’m so torn. And now I’m totally bawling my eyes out.

Posted by hopeful @ 7:13 PM • Comments (5)

March 18, 2008

I love swimming!

I come home feeling sane. I am head over heals for it. I won’t, however, become one of those people that care about the gear and admire people’s aerodynamic swim caps or shave my whole body or anything. I guess I do shave most of my body (coincidently). I wear a fashion bathing suit, not a real swim one and I’ve confiscated my daughter’s goggles. She’s 4, they’re so small it’s like wearing contacts tied together with rubber bands. They barely cover my eyes. My friend gave me a real swim cap because she really didn’t think I should wear my mother’s converted bath mat with hard plastic daisies on it.

Either way, I swam the full half mile with no breaks in 25 minutes and then did a warm down. Wheh-hew

Posted by hopeful @ 1:00 AM

March 17, 2008

Finally 182

I weighed in at 182 despite drinking plenty of green beer on Saturday and partying like I was in high school. I even got a call from my parents at 1:30am asking when I’d be home because they were waiting up for me. It was awesome, a lot of us parents let loose.

I feel a lot less stress where my diet is concerned. I’m feeling a lot more motivation than temptation (knock on wood). I’ve been enjoying trying on my smaller clothes and getting close to fitting in them. I’ve taken my big jeans and packed them away to the less accessible part of my closet and brought forward the smaller jeans. Getting dressed up for the St. Patrick’s Day party on Saturday night was actually fun and I felt so confident there.

I’ve gone through this type of phase before where it just seems easier. I think it’s because I have bigger issues pressing on me. I’ve cut back what I eat a lot to save money and it’s a great distraction and the reward is two fold.

Now is a good time for me to be thinner because I need the confidence. If history repeats itself I might be looking forward to a big change. In the past I’ve lost weight just in time for a great change in my life where I needed to be thin. Maybe I shouldn’t say it like that but it was very beneficial to be thin through those transitions. My weight losses often preceded a change in environment like moving or a new job, where I was going to be meeting a lot of new people. (In most cases I didn’t know about the forthcoming change.) I’m good with people either way, but when I’m thin I’m much better.

I’m not superstitious but hopefully this is a sign for good things to come.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:17 AM • Comments (1)

March 14, 2008

No change

Dang it, there was no weight change. I’m not going to let myself get discouraged because I ate great and my pants are feeling much looser. Maybe it was the large cup of coffee I drank just prior to getting on the scale. I went swimming last night for the third time this week. What the heck?!

I’m working in peace today as my mother is taking care of my daughter. I’m expecting a stressful day because I’ve got a lot I need to accomplish. Here’s a small sample of the wake of hurricane Mini (my daughter) and what I deal with on a regular basis. She made this mess yesterday and I won’t have a chance to clean it until maybe Sunday. I’m only cleaning it to give her more room to make another mess.

That's the corner of the table that I work on, come to think of it, maybe she gets it from me.

Posted by hopeful @ 11:12 AM

March 13, 2008

Feeling great after swimming

I’ve been working hard to stay positive. I know I have a choice on how I perceive the world and what’s going on in my life. There’s no reason why I can’t put a positive spin on everything. Things really are quite wonderful and I had been spending too much time worrying about potential bad things rather than enjoying this time. I’ve been successfully keeping my anxiety at bay by repeating positive affirmations constantly, just like Stewart Smalley. Very corny, I know, and just as difficult for me as working out at the gym.

Today my stress level was rising from work and being a half-ass mom. When my husband came home from work I just wanted to sink into him, rest my head on his shoulder and watch TV all night. I did not want to go swimming. Or I did but wished it wouldn’t take so long so I’d still have a full night of couch time.

I didn’t think to hard about it and just went, chanting the whole way there that I’m a good mom and tomorrow will be a more productive day at work. When I got there my girlfriends already started, so I jumped right in and began my drills with no talking delays. In order to not lose count I have to repeat the lap number with every stroke the whole way down. I had to really focus. I swam my butt off and it was just the remedy I needed to get my mind back on a positive track.

I’m really getting good at swimming. I’m so thankful that I somehow got into this. I definitely feel like my weight will go down this week. And I’m feeling frikin’ great right now (while getting some TV time in).

Posted by hopeful @ 12:12 AM

March 10, 2008

Displaced by the storm

Wow, we lost power this weekend for 36 hours but it turned out to be really nice and just what I needed.

At first on Saturday I freaked out because I really wanted to use this last free weekend before tax time to do my taxes. I’m not sure when I’ll get a chance to do them. I was quite stressed about it so I guess Mother Nature decided to take control and tell me what was best for me. We lost power early evening on Saturday because the crazy hurricane like winds took out a few trees that took out a few telephone poles (that carry more than telephone wires). We toughed it out through Saturday night, I read by candle light, enjoyed watching trees bend to the ground from my picture window, and went to bed early. When we woke up freezing on Sunday and couldn’t get any hot water to run for showers we went and stayed with my parents where we had a great time. Here’s what stands out in my mind: coffee, bagels, pizza, and a three hour marathon of The Wire. Awesome. It’s so nice to have family close by and to love being with them.

And now I feel refreshed to tackle my taxes over a few nights during the week (over the next few weeks because I have about one free night a week). But I’m ok with that.

I didn’t weigh at the end of last week or today (update: I did get weighed at the doctors on Friday and was 183 according to their scale, wheh-hew). I had a couple nights of indulgence that happened to fall on the eves of said weigh-ins. I guess I could have weighed-in a day later, but didn’t. I’m not too obsessed and my jeans still fit the same. Today I’ve been feeling my usual self and eating well and tonight we’re swimming and will probably start going three nights a week, which I’m looking forward to.

I’m doing great anxiety-wise too. I keep reminding myself to enjoy how well things are going and that I’m in control to look at everything with a positive spin rather than a negative one. And it’s been working.

P.S. The extremely thorough tests on my heart all came back great! The doc said that I can do my triathlon with no worries and to go for it. And he congratulated me on my weight loss since having seen him a little over a month ago.

Posted by hopeful @ 5:31 PM • Comments (2)

March 3, 2008

183 all last week

I weighed myself a few times after Monday and confirmed 183 for the week but after my weekend in Boston visiting my brother’s family I’m going to postpone weighing until maybe Friday. My sister-in-law happens to be my favorite cook and we celebrated my nephew’s birthday on Saturday and we went all out eating. I indulged in lots that I normally wouldn’t or to such an extent.

I don’t feel bad about it at all, I just don’t want to see bigger numbers on the scale. I have full confidence I will bounce back this week. I have my swimming tonight to keep me on track.

On Friday, after putting on a pair of my freshly washed jeans and realizing that they’re quite big, I decided to look for a smaller size and try them on. I was able to fit into my size 14 jeans no problem. I have officially dropped a size!

I have to search through my closet because I’m not sure I have another size 14. I love the way the ones I wore all weekend look on me but they have paint on them from doing tons of home improvement two years ago. I can’t get away with wearing them everyday because they’re too identifiable and it looks like I’m trying to bring the 80’s back or something. I have a lot more clothes in sizes 10 and 12 so I better get losing!

Posted by hopeful @ 10:08 AM • Comments (2)