Hopeful Loser

The shakes are decreasing a bit and I’m surprised by my ability to maintain composure around other people. I’m trying to cling to the possibility of hope because I’m not quite able to believe it yet.

But I’m going to work as hard as I can to make things better. It’s boiling down to finances again. We are not quite keeping our heads above water yet and that terrifies me and makes me feel like a failure. We’re not as dire as we were before (because of my husband’s job, he’s doing terrific by the way) but close.

I know we just had a kitchen remodel that is adding to the stress a bit, but the truth of it is our house was not sellable before (not at fair market value anyway or to enough people). Now I feel better that if we had to sell we would have an easier time of it (hopefully we would never need to until at least the market was a bit better). That explains my decision for that.

We are working on paring down all of our other expenses and I’m looking into other avenues of income on top of my full time job. I know I’m a hard worker and I will fight a great fight.

About my anxiety, yeah I’ve taken medicine before and might consider it again in the future. I’m trying to feel better naturally as I always worry about side affects and I still want to get pregnant. I know that’s crazy considering my financial position but I would love to have two children (I’d have a bunch if I were wealthy). My financial position could change one day, hopefully for the better, but my ability to have a child won’t. I have a small window left for being able to conceive and I don’t want to regret taking the easy road over the infinitely more satisfying one.

Losing weight at a time like this becomes even more important for me because it gives me the confidence to conquer the world. It really does. Not to mention the physical stamina too.

Today I weighed in at 195. I will weigh on Friday or Monday and put that figure in my stats. I’ll pick one of those days as my regular days.

Comments

I don't know about you, but I think there is something amazing that happens once you pick yourself up off the floor after an emotionally stressful time....your head clears, you feel almost "rested" and you get back up and start to fight. The fight that usually ensues is a stronger fight than you would've been able to do before.

Can I be your cheerleader for a moment? GO FIGHT WIN!

Posted by: Molly at January 16, 2008 12:16 PM

Having financial worries is the pitts... I can relate to that as can millions of others! Luckily we have come right over the years. As for babies, there is never a PERFECT time to have a baby, people have waited for their finances/home/careers to be JUST RIGHT and have lived to regret it. I say just go for it, and things always fall into place! WE have 8 kids... and still have a roof over our heads, money in the bank, so it can be done!

Posted by: Chris H at January 16, 2008 3:19 PM

Hang in there. My husband was unemployed for 11 months last year, we spent 9 months fighting unemployment and finally had a ruling in our favor. We are still deep in the pit and trying to dig out...it sucks but you just have to keep moving forward. Big HUGS for you!!

Posted by: Diana the Scale Junkie at January 16, 2008 10:44 PM

January 16, 2008

Thanks all

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