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May 22, 2007
Real Time Blogging
My family is all asleep and I have time to myself which is something that I dream about most days but don’t actually want tonight. I’m not exactly sad but I feel a bit numb. Probably because I just ate myself silly, pretty much as binge-y as I get these days, nothing like the binges of old but still very emotionally taxing. It leaves me numb. Unfortunately it’s too temporary, I’ll be hungry again tomorrow.
I decided to write how I feel right now because this is one of those moments, combined with repeat performances, that will lead to a lot of weight gain, in a short amount of time, after which I will most certainly wonder how it all got away from me. Because I won’t remember how I feel right now, tomorrow. That’s how we get fat.
I can’t begin to figure out why I feel so empty.
How do I begin to change how I let work affect me? All I keep thinking about is being able to do something else and how it doesn’t seem like I ever will. I’ve always been afraid to take any real risks or do something that felt risky to me (somebody might argue that I have taken risks). Especially now when I have a family to take care of.
In some areas of my life I have tons of confidence and in others I have none.
I’m also having a hard time with the fact that I haven’t done anything more on my house. I really need some help and I can’t exactly afford to hire someone. My kitchen is completely falling apart and there is no space in the entire house that has a sense of comfort. It’s so sparsely decorated and I’ve bought most of my furniture from a thrift store that, needless to say, all needs to be refurbished. It’s quite depressing. I have my feet propped up on an ottoman that someone was throwing away last night. I haven’t even washed it yet.
And so continues the saga. I weighed 193 yesterday.
Posted by hopeful @ May 22, 2007 12:03 AM
Comments
I'm sorry you felt that way. I did too yesterday for remarkably similar reasons. But the bright side is that you can always start off fresh today - regardless of being hungry.
I’ll be hungry again tomorrow
Heh, so true. I had a little binge last night myself because I was stressed. I'm sorry your life isn't where you want it to be right now :(
Easier said than done, but try to work on 1 thing at a time. Sometimes when I focus on too many things I'm unhappy about, I get really overwhelmed and feel worse than I originally did.
Didn't you just buy your house recently? Thats a great accomplishment!!! Sometimes when you decorate too fast, you'll turn around in a year and decide its not what you wanted!!
My sister's neighbor has bought a lot of decorations and furniture at yard sales and she said everything is so unique and cute!! How about adding "warm" colors? That not only brightens things up but can make rooms seem so cozy!!
When it comes to your job, I'm not sure what you do, but that's always a huge decision. Its never to late to change that direction!! You will when you "feel" the time is right. You've supported your family and bought a house, whatever you're doing, now that you are a success!!!
Sorry you are so bummed out at the mo, try to look on the bright side, you are healthy, have a job, so does hubby now! And good things come to those who wait... just hope the wait ain't too long. Binges happen, move on from that one... tomorrow is another great day!
Hey 193 may not be an ideal weight for you but its under 200!! Thats awesome! Also, you dont need a ton of money to redecorate nicely. Do you have an Ikea nearby, they have great things for low prices. Try garage sales, swap meets and my favorite, ebay :)
193?? Hey, it's not 194! You're making awesome progress in that you recognize the binge and you're aware of the damage you feel. That's a huge step!! Consider being more positive with yourself!!!!!! I know it's hard when all you can focus on are the negatives, but remember: motivation comes AFTER action (geez, that's my new favorite saying now!). Take care of you!
- *5k – done!*
- *2 pound damage*
- *3 days off*
- *You're right*
- *Bi-athlete*
- *180!*
- *Crap*
hopefulloser(at)gmail(dot)com
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FatMom on Real Time Blogging: "193?? Hey, it's not 194! You're making awesome progress..."
Monica on Real Time Blogging: "Hey 193 may not be an ideal weight for you but its under ..."
Chris H on Real Time Blogging: "Sorry you are so bummed out at the mo, try to look on th..."
Jeanne on Real Time Blogging: "Easier said than done, but try to work on 1 thing at a ti..."
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Try reading the book "You - On a Diet." I have found it the most helpful reading I have ever done! And don't beat yourself up over your binge. None of us are perfect in ANYthing we do. Just make a U-turn and keep on going!