Hopeful Loser

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March 9, 2007

188

Now that I’ve stopped uncontrollably and violently shaking, I can post.

I’m exhausted from this shaking and I’m having difficulty sleeping. For the first time, I’m pretty sure ever, I really have no desire for food. My appetite is probably recovering now that I’m beginning to calm down a bit but I can truly say that I had trouble eating over the past few days. I’ve always wished that would happen to me. I could be puking from some rare stomach virus and still be looking forward to my next meal.

Now that I know what it takes to diminish my hunger I would rather battle my will power than face homelessness any day.

But my growing confidence from this weight loss is just what I need to face the challenges I have ahead of me.

Thank you guys for your comments, they make me feel so much better (and even made me laugh Mia!). Call in the violins if you must, but it’s true. It’s a relief to put it out there and feel supported.

While I am terrified about my immediate future because something has to give and it has to be now. I don’t have the luxury of time to procrastinate or put off the inevitable, one way or another, things are going to change and be different. Again, I’m terrified but I have a tinge of excitement about what change is going to take place.

P.S. I will unravel the mystery that is my husband. I’m pretty sure he’s not pure evil and that there is a deep rooted issue and disability. We’ll see.

Posted by hopeful @ March 9, 2007 11:37 AM

Comments

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to insult him. I was just saying that he should be as worried as you, as you are him. I'm not saying he's not, its just....okay I'll stop talking.

I hope things get better for you.

Posted by: Jeanne at March 9, 2007 12:31 PM

Well I don't recommend this sort of stress to lose weight! It might work of course, but it isn't good for your peace of mind. I hope things start to come right real soon for you, I shall be watching with baited breath to see what you can do !

Posted by: Chris H at March 9, 2007 2:08 PM

No apology necessary Jeanne,
A million times I've said your exact words directly to him and certainly felt the same way.

I've been frustrated enough to leave him. If we didn't have a daughter now I probably would have.

On the other side, I want to work things out because he has some qualities that I've never seen in any man I've met. I'm sure they're out there but I've never jived with anyone like I have with him.

If he could conquer this fear or whatever it is with him, we could have a wonderful life together. It's certainly worth it for me to try. This will be our last chance to get it right.

Oh yeah, there is no use talking to his family they are worse off than him.

Posted by: hopefulloser at March 9, 2007 2:52 PM

Dude, I swear, get out of my head! We may have been separated at birth, for I, too, enjoy a violent stomach virus on occassion, as it allows me to stuff my face with some chocolate cake and some twinkies, since I know I won't be stuck with it. The irony is that I could never make myself throw up on purpose, yet my name (Mia) is what people with buliMIA call themselves. So, you should see the number of people who find my site searching for tips on how to throw up. Sorry to disappoint, but there's nothing to see there...move along.

Enough about me though (cough).

I'm glad you're feeling better. It's hard for me to tell if you already *know* what these changes are, or if you are just welcoming all the possibilities because any movement is better than staying still. Either way, you sound better today and take care of yourself. Please.

Posted by: miagoddess at March 9, 2007 11:37 PM

Me again, Stalker Mia. haha Anyway, should you see something in your email about erik or I, it's not spam. xoxo Mia

Posted by: miagoddess at March 11, 2007 1:48 PM

Not knowing your husband at all, so this could be way off base, but is it possible he has Asperger's? Might explain both his good and not-so-good qualities. There are many smart guys out there who were never diagnosed in childhood.

Anyway, here's something to look at:
http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html

In any case, good luck and I hope it all works out for you, and that your finances improve soon!

Posted by: Kathy at March 13, 2007 12:13 AM

I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time right now.

I hope you will be able to resolve your issues and be happy and at peace again.

Posted by: Editha at March 15, 2007 9:28 AM

hopefulloser(at)gmail(dot)com

Editha on 188: "I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time right no..."
Kathy on 188: "Not knowing your husband at all, so this could be way off..."
miagoddess on 188: "Me again, Stalker Mia. haha Anyway, should you see somet..."
miagoddess on 188: "Dude, I swear, get out of my head! We may have been sepa..."

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