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February 27, 2007

Good news and bad

I’ve been eating well and doing a daily 30 minutes on the elliptical trainer for a week now and I’m down a total 3 pounds. I feel motivated and good. I don’t want to jinx it but it all came back to me like I had never faltered in the first place. Will power doesn’t even seem to be an issue. I say all this now, but watch it all go bust when I’m PMSing or something. I’m not going to over analyze it, I did good and I feel like I can continue to do so.

The bad news is my husband didn’t get into the teaching program he applied for. He came very close after making it through two of the three interview phases. It’s quite a competitive program and its rough coming so close.

Now having to take the alternate path to teaching is going to be a lot tougher and costlier. I’m already paying off his student loans for his failed attempt at graduate school. I don’t want to pay anymore. I am also afraid he doesn’t have the motivation to handle the tougher route. I’m sad that I have no faith. It looks like I’ll be flying solo taking care of this family for a while longer (that makes me sad too).

I also feel bad for him.

Posted by hopeful @ 5:18 PM • Comments (2)

February 23, 2007

A day in pictures

As promised, here is a current picture of me (taken today). This morning I weighed 193. Daily fluctuations are hard to rely on, but I’ll put that on my ticker for motivation.

Here is a picture of me on May 22nd 2005 when I was on my way down from my highest weight ever. This is a picture from my first documented attempt to lose this weight. It’s the one that comes closest to my weight now. At that time I was losing around 8 to 10 pounds a month. This picture was me at 197 nearly two years ago. It’s weird to think that between now and then I had been around 163 and stabilized for almost a year or so.

Here is a picture of me, from the same series, at the weight I hope to be by the time I go out to California. 178 pounds.

Posted by hopeful @ 1:39 PM • Comments (4)

February 22, 2007

It’s on. I got the call

My boss wants me to go out to California the third week in April. It would have been sooner had I not pushed back a bit. My excuse was that I don’t like traveling during the winter.

Now I have two months to lose 15 pounds, which is a more than reasonable goal. That will still put me at 15 pounds heavier than when I left there, but I’m comfortable with that.

I’m off to a good start eating well and having exercised on my elliptical for the past two days. I’m able to do between 25 and 30 minutes at a moderate level. Then I stretch for a few. I feel good. So far I haven’t gone too extreme, I’m too experienced for that and know that would be un-maintainable.

I weighed in this morning at 195 (yup, up a bit) so this will be my starting point. I’m not sure how often I’ll weigh but it will definitely be no less than once a week. I’ll try and post progress pictures again. I have to fight the urge to go grab the ones from two years ago during my initial descent since I’ll probably look the same.

Anywhoo, I’m excited. I really will have to get on the ball and give my site a face lift. Hopefully my work schedule will permit the time.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:45 AM • Comments (6)

February 20, 2007

Trying to hold it together

I’m having the desire to snack on something bad, something salty and crispy. I’m feeling kind of antsy. I wish that I could go out and do something, just get out and about or work on a project or something. My sedentary job really gets to me sometimes. Feeling bad about being cooped up in front of a computer often leads me to self-destructive behavior like wanting to snack on bad stuff when I’m not hungry.

I’m going to try and check in more often rather than stew in these feelings alone. Maybe it will quell the desire to act upon them.

I can’t try out for that TV show because I’m the sole working parent in this family supporting us all and I can’t take 10 weeks off of my job. It’s kind of a bummer but I actually feel more positive about my ability to get my body in shape than I do getting my house set up. So I’d rather a show come and makeover my home. My house is still mostly empty and more boxes are still packed away than are unpacked. This is not an easy way to live. And my husband is still not very helpful. We’re going to counseling to help out with his issues, so we’re working on it. But the fact remains that he doesn’t do enough to help us move forward. I’m optimistic for him though.

I’d better get back to work.

Posted by hopeful @ 12:28 PM • Comments (2)

February 19, 2007

The dangers of overeating

I’m not talking about the excess 60 pounds I’m carrying that puts me at risk of heart disease, cancer, and a plethora of other problems. I’m referring to the immediate dangers such as scalding hot runny cheese.

I ate really crappy this weekend. I had an increased craving for cheese and ate a lot of it. My ambition to go back to being completely vegan was probably the cause of that.

As one of many indulgences, I was eating jalapeño poppers when the incident occurred. How was I supposed to know that they were little replicas of the planet earth, cool on the outside with molten cores?

I had actually heard my husband yelp as he had burned his lip, but I had already started to tear away the breaded crust that was my only shield of defense against the lava cheese. It was less than a second before I felt the searing pain on my chin. Out of mad desperation I used my sleeve to wipe away the cheese. Oil stains on my sleeve and random drips of that and whatever else on my belly complete the picture of a true messy piggy.

Now I’m walking around with my battle scar, a perfect line of raw burnt skin from my lip to the crest of my chin. As if a little one legged man skied out of my mouth off my chin on a ski laced with glass chards.

Have I hit rock bottom?

Posted by hopeful @ 2:54 PM • Comments (1)

February 8, 2007

The Producers of SUPERNANNY are seeking OVERWEIGHT Men & Women to shed pounds and WIN Money on a new Major Network TV Show!

I was contacted yesterday by a really nice woman who informed me about a new TV show that’s being produced by the same people who did SUPPERNANNY. That’s big.

Here’s the scoop

The producers and casting team of the hit reality series SUPERNANNY are searching the country for men and women at least fifty pounds overweight to compete on a brand new transformational network series combining physical and mental challenges with the opportunity to win a large cash prize.

Each of the candidates chosen for the team can win tens of thousands of dollars while taking part in the biggest weight loss experience in American television history. The new show is different from any other program on TV and takes the viewer along on a journey with a select group of full-figured and heavy-set participants who triumph and achieve their personal goals while inspiring the lives of millions.

People interested in learning more about the show and want to apply for the chance to slim down and cash in should visit www.ricochettelevision.com\newprograms for more information.

She couldn’t give me every detail because it is still secret but it sounds like they have everybody’s success as a goal. It’s not about back stabbing competition as it is in most other shows.

I know I’m going to try out. (Nope, I don’t have a leg up because I’ve been contacted by a producer, she’s just trying to get the word out.) The schedule is pretty tight so we need to try out as quickly as possible. Good luck everybody!

Posted by hopeful @ 11:15 AM • Comments (4)

February 7, 2007

I have not been scared off …

by those tough love comments. I’ve been sick since the evening after my daughter’s party. I guess I just broke down after all the stressors abated.

I weighed 192 this morning, despite it being that time of month for me. So that’s good news. I haven’t had much of an appetite over the past few days so hopefully I can ride that down to the 180’s since I don’t have far to go.

And yes Mia, you know I’d marry you! Wheh-hew!

Posted by hopeful @ 1:32 PM • Comments (2)