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January 19, 2007

On the Brink

Last time I checked which was a couple of days ago I was still weighing the same. But over the past week I’ve been on the verge of destruction. This week I’m particularly tired and lack motivation. I’ve had the urge to eat really bad food, things that are atypical of me. I’m not usually into sweets, ice-cream or desserts and lately that’s exactly what I’m craving. It’s like I want to intentionally sabotage myself or punish myself for being unmotivated. Here’s the ignition for the downward spiral.

I’m always under stress because I have a lot to take care of between work, my house (home improvements), my daughter’s birthday party, and just getting settled in here. We haven’t been in our new house very long, less than three months in fact. It feels like it’s been a long time but I certainly don’t have my groove on. It’s hard when there’s so much that needs to be done on the house.

I’m also very nervous to have my daughter’s first birthday party! She’s three but we’ve never had an official birthday party for her. I’m just so nervous.

I’m also stressed out because of our finances.
I’m stressed out being fat and not liking myself for it. It stinks that my weight has such an influence on how I feel about myself. There are so many more important, less shallow, reasons to love myself but I always discount them. They’re not negated when I’m fat I just don’t use them to make me feel better. The fat outweighs everything :-)

Thanks for letting me incoherently ramble. I have to get back to work, I wish I had more time.

Posted by hopeful @ January 19, 2007 12:00 PM