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December 29, 2006

Thanks Mia

I hope everyone is enjoying their holidays. Mine have been really nice.

I’m fatter than ever. I weighed in this morning at 195. As I was blocking comments on old entries I noticed that only two months ago I was 185. Over the course of seven months I’ve gained 35 pounds for an average of five pounds a month and these past two months certainly support that.

So let’s do the math. We’ll divide 5lbs by 30 days, which equals .1666… This is a sixth of a pound a day. That means I’m eating 583.333… extra calories each day. I’m basically having an extra meal day. That’s about right. It’s so easy to do.

To lose only FIVE pounds a month I would have to cut out (in conjunction with burning off) 1166.666 calories a day. That’s not so easy to do. That’s a lot. That’s probably pretty close to the total amount of calories that I should consume in a day.

I certainly need to try. Up until these last 10 pounds I didn’t hate looking at pictures but now I do. My face really holds a lot of weight when I’m in the 190’s. I have to come out of the closet with these pictures below. My father sent them to me yesterday and it was a slap in the face.

Eeeww, I can't believe I just posted those.

Actually I had been catching glimpses of myself in mirrors so it wasn’t too unexpected. When I look in the vanity mirror to make myself presentable for people I see myself differently. Most of the time I can feel that I look OK, not thin or anything but nice. I think I get used to that image and start to blur things out kind of like when you watch a widescreen movie on a regular TV and stop seeing the black bars. Or when you’re watching regular TV on a widescreen and you stop seeing the distortion. But what a shock it is when I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror at the mall or a reflection in a window. I look like a completely different monster.

I’m not giving up. I haven’t been posting much, not because of failure or embarrassment (both of which I have) but because I haven’t had the time. My work has me on a crazy schedule. I really need to learn how to curb my work hours, it’s been at the expense of my health, sanity, and daughter and I’m not sure it really makes a difference. It’s only setting a precedence I won’t be able to maintain.

On my back update, I’ve been going to the chiropractor twice a week and feel mostly cured of the pain that brought me there. I have some other constant issues that I feel are due to my time spent on the computer (for work) and my weight gain and fitness level. These are three things that I can remedy and really have to because my quality of life has plummeted. It’s crazy that I feel so bad (physically more than mentally) and they’re all things that I can control (and did control, just in a negative way).

Thanks Mia, your comment inspired me to post today otherwise I might have put it off yet again.

Posted by hopeful @ December 29, 2006 12:16 PM