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July 18, 2006

Bad News Bears

I weighed myself this morning because I felt so dense. Not a bloated water retaining feeling, an actual solid fat feeling. Sure enough I weighed 176. That’s a three pound gain in nearly four days.

I didn’t eat any worse over these four days. I didn’t work out over the whole weekend or yesterday, so maybe that has something to do with it.

It’s been so difficult to manage a healthy lifestyle since moving home. I’ve been so happy to be here but I feel like I have no time for myself and I haven’t been able to get a normal routine or anything down. I feel like I’m in high school, living home and being taken care of by my parents. You’d think that wouldn’t be so bad except it’s not my lifestyle I’m living, it’s theirs. And I don’t want to live theirs. I don’t know how to fit in mine. There seems to be too little space here and too many conflicts if I try to live as I would.

I am very appreciative for this favor and wouldn’t be in N.J. otherwise so I don’t want to impose my way. I’ll appear even more ungrateful. I’m also hoping and counting on the fact that this is very temporary. If everything keeps going well I’ll be looking for a house in a few weeks. So I guess I’m going to try and hold out for a little while longer. It’s not going to be great for my waistline but I think it will be good for everyone’s sanity.

I’m also looking forward to the summer winding down. I’ve had so many special events it’s completely overwhelming me. I’m always overwhelmed in my head. I need to learn how to tame that as well because most of it is self imposed and imaginary.

We’ll see how long I can sustain minimizing the weight gain before I’m able to get myself back on track. I’m really trying.

Posted by hopeful @ July 18, 2006 11:54 AM