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June 19, 2006

Pure Chaos, 172

Just when I thought I’d be able to start getting things under control my daughter came down with her first real fever. So I’m not going to the gym this morning.

I’m having such a difficult time getting any type of schedule down. It’s been pure chaos trying to figure out a schedule between my work, my daughter, and my parents. There are a lot of people to have to coordinate with and we all have different and conflicting needs. My daughter is becoming more resistant to my efforts as she just wants to go home. The transition is getting increasingly hard for her. It’s more challenging than ever to work on getting her comfortable being with other people than just me. She’s very demanding of my time and as far as I’m concerned, she has first dibs.

So my gym and dieting has taken a back seat to the tune of 172. I think I weighed in on Saturday morning or something. All my days are running together. I meant to weigh again this morning, with a clear head. I totally forgot.

My size 12 jeans are getting tight. I resemble a stuffed sausage and by the end of the day my embossed waist itches like crazy!

I’ve haven’t been going out of my way to eat or snack on bad things but the most enjoyable time of day is when I’m eating. I look forward to my meals and when I know I’m eating out I fantasize what will be available for dessert. This is all no good. I’m falling into very old patterns and I don’t want it to get any worse. If this behavior alone is making me gain weight this fast I don’t want to think about what snacking on whole bags of potato chips would amount to.

I’m keeping my hopes up because I still have motivation. I don’t have a lot remaining energy, but I’m still hopeful. So I’m trying and I won’t give in to defeat.

I have the second half of my fitness orientation on Wednesday. It’s going to be kind of embarrassing if I don’t get back to the gym before then. I told the instructor that I intended on going five times a week. She looked at me doubtfully and said that I should make it at least three. And I was like, “oh yeah, no problem”. ugh

Posted by hopeful @ June 19, 2006 10:45 AM