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April 3, 2006

Virtual Me

Here is a picture of me in my bathing suit. Buying this nightmare was a bit traumatizing. I recently got rid of my old bathing suit, that had I ever wore to my dentist’s office I would have disappeared under the camouflage of the wallpaper. I had to get a suit for our mini-vacation last weekend.

I’ve been enjoying my body lately despite being stuck on an eternal plateau and having a ways to go to get to my goal. I was nervous to have to deal with looking for a bathing suite for fear it would totally throw off my perception. And that’s what happened. The denial that blurred my vision abated and the rolls became increasingly loud and clear.

I new I had to go one piece and black was the safest color. Without some cosmetic surgery I probably shouldn’t attract too much attention to my body at any weight. I saw these bathing suits that claimed to be body shapers, and thinking that would be great I chose my size and tried it on.

I gasped, not only because it looked terrible but because I couldn’t breathe. It practically sucked the weight from below my chin and pushed it out the leg holes, making my thighs look like they were going to explode. I wear a size 12 but had to go with a 16. Unfortunately this made the boobs and the butt too loose. I went with it because I couldn’t stand the thought of trying on another one.

The suit is slightly less unflattering outside of the dressing room. Anywhoo, here it is. Now roll your mouse over it and see a slightly improved me. I was inspired by this post. It’s still a work in progress, photo re-touching is pretty hard and too time consuming (when I’m not getting paid). I didn’t do a great job but maybe it will help me envision my goal. In the past I’ve actually super imposed my head on a model’s body. That was fun and maybe I’ll try that again too.

I know I have to stop eating like I’ve been eating each weekend to achieve this goal in real life, but for now it’s fun to dream.

Posted by hopeful @ April 3, 2006 12:28 AM