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April 5, 2006

Uh-oh 164

Aw-man! I knew this was coming because I think we’ve eaten out every night since Friday. I just can’t get it together. I’ve had escapist fantasies and just want to get away by the end of the day.

I’ve been feeling so out of control since having to wait on home repairs before we can list our house to move. If we don’t get it together by June I’m going to head home to N.J. and leave my husband here to close up shop. That all makes me a bit nervous and I hope it doesn’t come to that but that’s just what I might need to do.

These feelings are the worst because they make me want to retreat and hibernate. I seclude myself and become incommunicado. Conversely this leads to wanting to bust out, yet I don’t become more communicative or social. I just want to sneak off to a public place (mostly the mall) and be around people, though, not people I know. I like to watch people from the sidelines. Then, apparently, I console myself with everything from the food court. It’s all pretty text book.

I hate to keep bringing it up but that damn explosion completely derailed me. It’s been about a month now since I’ve checked in on my calorie counter. I cringe when I see the email reminders. I went in today to face the music and here you have it. I’ve gained 2 pounds since last week and 5 pounds since my all time low of 159.

I’ve been working out amazingly though. That’s what keeps me going and at all positive. I’ve started to incorporate weight training too. Hopefully this will kick in and once I start controlling my eating I should see some great results.

In the chart below (after the “continue reading” link) don’t pay attention to the average daily calorie count. That’s what I was eating when I was doing well. I haven’t put in entries for the past month and entering only my breakfast so far today brought it down even lower.

Posted by hopeful @ April 5, 2006 10:50 AM