Hopeful Loser

I don’t know where to begin and just how much to reveal. After having seen my before picture I’m sure you can handle it.

Yesterday I spent the whole day having my bum stared at and probed by doctors. I was mortified. And I have learned this is just the beginning of what will be a long and intimate relationship with a young attractive male proctologist. Yesterday was extremely hard to go through.

About a month and a half ago I noticed a bump in my nether-regions in the space between my two privates. It was about the size of a small grape. Normally I will rush to the doctor’s for a host of imaginary symptoms that are solely in my hypochondriac head but when it comes to going for a concrete, in your face, threatening symptom, I’m like “nah, I’m fine”. Naturally, I waited a month and a half until the bump became the size of an egg and started doing weird things (of which I will not discuss), gross things.

My general practitioner was like “whoah that looks painful” and “I haven’t seen one quite like it” and she immediately referred me to two young, eligible, attractive (most likely rich) bachelors in the upscale O.C. Exactly who I wanted to be looking at my bum all day. Thank goodness I showered and wore makeup. Not that they even saw my face but what-ev.

Turns out that they were the nicest and most considerate doctors I have ever been too. They spent a lot of time explaining things and making me feel comfortable. Maybe in their business they really need too.

Of course as my luck would have it, my bump stumped them a bit. They know what it is but aren’t sure why it did and didn’t do certain things. This makes it a little more difficult to decide the course of treatment. Figures rare medical anomalies happen to me but I can’t win the lottery.

Long story short I have to get this thing operated on. There’s no easy way out of the situation, it’s not going to go away on its own. Aside from being terrified of general anesthesia the second thing I thought about was how this is going to impact my working out because that is the only thing I’ve got going for me. My eating is still terrible.

I don’t believe in divine intervention at all but am beginning to think that someone has it out for me and/or really doesn’t want me to leave California just yet.

Comments

I think I had the same thing but I won't go into details about it. First they tried to drain is basically but after 2x it wasn't gone so I had to go under anesthesia to have surgery. Email me if you want...I'm so glad all that is over...it was unpleasant.

Posted by: Robin at April 13, 2006 10:21 AM

Ew, that sounds terrible. It's so embarassing when things go funky in your nether regions. I guess 2006 isn't really going to be your year, is it? I had a year like that once and I'm glad it's over.

Posted by: PastaQueen at April 13, 2006 10:46 AM

My wife says "Everything happens for a reason.". Don't know if I go along with that or not. But, BEST of Luck to you at getting this thing taken care of. Talking about being a little embarrassing.... I had a colonoscopy done today. One good thing tho. Getting ready for it was a help for my diet...LOL.

Posted by: Howard at April 13, 2006 10:53 AM

I'll keep you in my prayers, Hopeful. It's an indignity, as you say, but sounds like these doctors, though young, do understand dignity and respect, and they're there to keep you healthy.

Doing great on the weight, by the way! Congrats!

Posted by: Thinnie at April 13, 2006 1:45 PM

i've had several 'things' down there, first it was a fissure and then it was fistula... i wasn't put under for either procedure but damn, that needle hurt like hell... and i've had several tattoos and they were a breeze compared to this... anyway, everything's been fine since so i'm sure you'll be okay too... nothing like being a woman and getting older, things just start appearing out of nowhere! :o)

Posted by: jodi at April 13, 2006 5:27 PM

argh! I'm so sorry, sugar! Hang in there, and I really hope it's an easy recovery for you. And you have this: if it had been a year ago, you wouldn't have been as physically capable of a quick recovery. And you are only going into major surgery slightly overweight, and not anywhere near obese.

You've done so well, keep your chin up!

Posted by: Chick at April 13, 2006 6:01 PM

Oh goodness! I'm sorry you're having such probelms. I hope your young, handsome doctors can get the problem resolved quickly so you can heal up and get on with your life!

Posted by: Nicole at April 14, 2006 8:15 AM

Ahhh. Remember the days when the pink dot was "necessary" to conceal and protect? You've obviously become very comfortable in your skin (even if the skin is horribly irritated and needs surgery :(

Good luck with the surgery. I'll be thinking of you.

Molly

Posted by: Molly at April 14, 2006 10:38 AM

April 13, 2006

Oh the indignity

Comments