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April 30, 2006

Apple Pie

I meant to write about the pie eating contest sooner but I’ve been so nervous about my butt op that my head is in a fog. I’m not sure I have it in me today to construct this in a humorous way. I may simply relay the facts.

I was so nervous leading up to the contest I couldn’t get any work done. All I kept thinking about was what it would feel like to plunge my face into a pie. In all my binge eating days I never did such a thing. I’ve bathed in potato chips, though.

It was all very official. We couldn’t use our hands or even touch the table. We had helpers that would push the contents to the center and put pieces that fell out, back in. The first one to finish their pie won and there was no second place.

As the contest started there was about 15 guys and me. Most of the company gathered around us in the parking lot. It was the biggest turn out of all the events for the whole week. Just before the buzzer rang, another department coaxed a second female contestant. She was tall and really skinny, with big boobs. Not that the boobs have any relevance, I’m just sayin’ (* b!tch ;-))

I was shaking as I was looking down at my pie. I thought I was going to drown in it. When they said go, my first bite was pretty cautious. I was afraid to get pie on my face. , though, all my fears went away and I dove in from there on out. It was awesome. It was a little hard to swallow at times and I almost cracked up at one point. I had to keep my eyes closed to prevent myself from puking at the site of everybody else.

I finished the all inside of my whole pie and just as my helper was folding in the edges, we had a winner. A guy at the end of the table devoured every last crumb. When I glanced at the state of everybody else’s pie I realized I had gotten pretty far but if they were determining who came in second that skinny big boobed girl would have had it hands down. She was only a bite or two away. And no one else came close to that. Figures.

It was really fun and I’m glad I had the experience. I got a lot of attention for being the only girl who wasn’t afraid to participate. And now I won’t have to wonder what it feels like. I’m certainly not going to eat pie for a while and neither will anybody who watched it. I heard it looked really gross.

I’m also very fortunate that I didn’t get to the crust. A lot of the guys where wandering around saying that they didn’t feel too good and I think someone actually got sick. Sans the crust I hardly felt a dent in my stomach. And before the end of the day I was hungry again. Of course I didn’t partake in the BBQ just before, so that might have given me an edge.

I have been eating poorly this weekend which I’m attributing to nerves over the butt op. I’ve been eating this way every weekend for a while, I just have different excuses.

Posted by hopeful @ April 30, 2006 10:24 AM