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February 28, 2006

Technical difficulties?

I’m not sure why this is happening but my site seems to be having a hard time loading, sometimes. Intermittently, it takes a while for the text to appear.

I’m on the case.

Posted by hopeful @ 5:27 PM • Comments (3)

February 27, 2006

159 going on record

It’s official and goes on the record as 159 this week for a total loss of one pound. Let me go re-read my last post because I have to remind myself I wasn’t going to be disappointed. I’m really not. At minimum I’m securing a position below 160 and unless something was to go really wrong I won’t be headed back up in that direction again.

I worked really hard on home projects this weekend and thought that might push me down to 158. I worked so hard, in fact, that I can’t even turn my head to the right and have limited mobility in my right arm it’s so sore. I took a real gamble this morning when I maneuvered the Festiva into the right lane, seeing as how it doesn’t have a right rear view mirror. I feel like I ate well too, but did drop the ball on tracking my calories. Rather than trying to figure that out, I’m just going to resume today.

Today, I’m grateful for swivel chairs and am wondering if I could retrofit my car with one. Or better yet, I should drive my chair home. Festiva vs. the office chair… that race would be too close to call.

Posted by hopeful @ 11:12 AM • Comments (3)

February 24, 2006

Of course I peaked at the scale

And it says 159! Point zero in fact. It wavered into the 158 zone but ultimately stopped on one fitty nine point zilch. If I do really well over the weekend I could be 158 by Monday. I’m not going to stress about it though. One to two pound losses per week is fine by me.

Although I want to be skinnier (I will be) and achieve my goal, my current weight doesn’t hinder me at all, mentally or physically. I feel confident and am really fit to do anything that I need. In fact, I’ve seen my fitness level increase at the gym a lot. What used to be difficult for me to do on the elliptical trainer or the stair master is a breeze for me now. Any weight loss from here on out just continues to be an added bonus.

I’ve never had this much weight to lose before (80+ lbs total) and I always used to take weight of compulsively fast; hence it found its way back. I had such a yo-yoing past. This go round, I’ve been at it for a year now. These habits I’m developing are really sticking and they’re all healthy. I’m not taking any extreme measures or pills. I’m just doing your basic eating (mostly) healthy and not too much and exercising (not fanatically).

Yup, I’m saying it over and over to instill it even further and remind myself of how far I’ve come so as to not let it go again. Also, because last night we went out to dinner and entering my calories for yesterday (this morning) made me cringe a little bit (a lot). Thank goodness the scale said what it did otherwise this post might have had a slightly different tone. :-)

Posted by hopeful @ 10:56 AM • Comments (3)

February 23, 2006

Focus focus focus - I have to convince myself

I’m working from home today. Part of me wishes I went into the office because I’m going to miss the gym. Despite days when it seems more challenging to find the motivation I really love my lunch time workout routine.

I’m staying home so that I can get a few home improvements done during the time I would otherwise be commuting to and from work. We have a realtor coming to see the house on Saturday and I just want to tie up some lose ends.

But this day isn’t off to a great start because I feel conflicted and am having a hard time getting into a groove of some kind. I guess I can’t decide what groove to get into. That’s one of the tricky aspects of working at home. I should be heads down on my computer doing work for work but my mind is wandering to my home projects, to your blogs (damn you people), and to my daughter who is just on the other side of my bedroom door. Going into the office would eliminate the options.

I guess I’ll just resolve myself to focusing on work after this post and I won’t go looking at any blogs until this evening if I get the chance. I’ll work through lunch and then I’ll cut out early to do my home projects. There, I’ve said it and will have to just stick to it. Discipline STINKS! I realize it’s something I need to come to grips with in all aspects of my life not just my food and exercise.

(Now, this post is over and I have to get to work. NNnnnoooooooo.)

Posted by hopeful @ 10:36 AM • Comments (1)

February 21, 2006

Working out dilema

I had a struggle with working out last Friday. I equate it to the feeling I get occasionally when I’m sleeping all snuggly warm in my bed and need to go to the bathroom. I know I really have to go but dread the thought of the cold air coming in contact with my skin.

Friday is casual day and I was so comfortable and cozy in my jeans and sweatshirt. My hair and makeup looked cute too. The thought of having to disrupt that wonderful feeling with a workout and shower was combating my motivation.

I approached the situation just as I do when I’m confronted with the dilemma of whether or not it’s worth the risk of wetting my bed. I remove any thoughts from my mind for a moment and force myself to move as though I’m zapping myself with an electrical impulse. Before I know it I’m enjoying the relief of the toilet (unless I just dreamed I was on the toilet at which point I will abruptly awake to just having soaked myself). Oh no, but that never happens. Then, in a flash of time, I’m back in bed enjoying the warmth like it never happened.

Once on the elliptical trainer, the process of getting me there seemed pretty painless and I enjoyed the workout. After 50 minutes and 600 calories the shower was yet another slice of heaven. Then what in retrospect seemed like moments later I was back at my desk feeling as comfortable as ever and I was thrilled I could log another workout for the week.

Posted by hopeful @ 12:10 PM • Comments (3)

February 20, 2006

160.0! I’m making progress

So close!! These stubborn 160s are putting up a tough fight but I’m breaking them slowly but surely. I feel like I should be losing weight faster because I workout quite a bit and my calories seem low to me. I’m not in any rush though. Scaling back your diet (in more weighs than one ;-) ) is tough enough. Doing any more than this for bigger results would be a nightmare.

My-calorie-counter has my target range at 2000 calories. I might change that to 1430. My doctor came up with a diet calculation a while ago and she had an example on there for a 25 yr female, 5’3.5”, medium frame, 200lbs. She figured it would take 2200 calories a day for that woman to maintain her 200lbs and 1430 to get to her desired weight of130. I should probably do the calculation myself with stats that more closely resemble me but I’m lazy like that (today, other days I’m a compulsive number cruncher).

I’ll keep looking into different calculators to find the recommended caloric intake for getting down to 130. For now my own personal target is more like 1300 not to exceed 1450 (which on some days I have).

You can click the "Continue reading" link for my progress chart

Posted by hopeful @ 8:03 AM • Comments (2)

February 18, 2006

Progress photos re-commence

The last time I took a progress photo was this past October, four months ago. That’s when my plateau and some yo-yoing started. I feel like I’m going to resume the losing again, albeit slowly and reluctantly. I’m not reluctant but my fat sure seems to be.

I don’t even want to see the first picture anymore. That was a year ago now! I’ve been doing this for a year… wow. Happy re-birthday to me.

After an unofficial weigh-in this morning I’m still 161, two pounds less than the last progress picture where I weighed 163. There is virtually no difference in the pictures. My underwear covered more in the last one and maybe that looks a little more flattering. The perspective is a little further away too.

October ‘05	February ‘06

I'm definitely in "I wanna supress it ever happened" mode. I don't like to look at the before picture anymore. It motivates me enough that I like the way I look in current pictures.

February '05	February '06

Posted by hopeful @ 11:48 AM • Comments (9)

February 16, 2006

A long challenging week

This has been a challenging week for me. On Monday I had my new employee orientation where they ordered greasy delicious pan pizza that I guilt-fully indulged in. To compound the situation I did not workout.

Tuesday was a co-workers birthday (someone who I actually talk to a bit) and a bunch of people went out for lunch. I felt awful but I really didn’t want to go. It would have prevented me from working out for a second day in a row and likely made me feel so terrible that I would have eaten like crap continually for the remainder of that day. Also they went to an amazing all you can eat Indian food place that has the most amazing desserts. I managed to not succumb to that temptation despite my friend expressing some disappointment. He got over it in a second, I however, wouldn’t have. It would have taken me two days and two hours on the elliptical trainer to get over it.

Then there was Valentines Day when my husband got me candy. I’ve only had one so far. Not too shabby considering it is that TOM for me and about the only time I might even care to have something chocolate and sweet. I’m a chips girl, remember? Specifically cheetos.

In total, I did very well, only caving with the pizza. I feel like I’ve already rectified that situation with my workouts since. Two guys at work have told me that I look like I’ve lost a lot of weight. I’m looking forward to my Monday weigh-in because I could potentially get out of the 160s. I’m so close! It’s like two points on a line where you’re moving closer to that number but actually there’s an infinite amount of space between you and it. Sometimes I feel like I might never get there.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:35 PM • Comments (5)

February 15, 2006

Scrabble

Looking for better pictures of my daughter, ones where you can actually see her close up, I came across our scrabble game.

This weekend (if not before) I'm going to take a new progress picture of myself. While I don't weigh much less than the last one that was taken eons ago, I do weigh less.

Not much to say today so far, just have a great day all and thank you for the fantastic comments that really do make my head swell.

Posted by hopeful @ 7:53 AM • Comments (1)

February 14, 2006

161

This week's official weigh-in yielded 161. That's cool because yesterday, in a pre-TOM frenzy, I had 3 slices of pizza. The pan pizza which is essentially fried and soaking in oil. Uuuggg.

Today it's that TOM, blah. The upside is maybe next week I will see a slightly bigger difference on scale. Hopefully I won't continue the curse of not being able to get out of the '60s.

Posted by hopeful @ 7:44 AM • Comments (2)

February 13, 2006

New "old" picture

As promised I took a new version of the "Old Picture" that I posted the other day. For some reason I look weird in the new one. I shouldn't point out my shortcomings but my head looks big (like the picture was taken with a fish-eye lens). I have that bobble-head syndrome and I haven't even lost all of my weight yet. Hhmm.

Here they are side by side (or on top of eachother)
Old

New

Posted by hopeful @ 1:09 AM • Comments (11)

February 12, 2006

Measurements

I attempted to measure myself again. I'm not very good at this so I'm not sure how accurate this is. I was probably equally as inaccurate last time so while the numbers might not be correct, per say, the difference between them should be.

I weigh 161 right now (not the official weigh-in). I've been feeling thinner and my clothes feel loser than at any point in this process so far. Even though the weight difference between now and the last time I measured is only 3 pounds, I think I'm leaner. My body fat percentage on my scale reads 37%, the lowest yet.

The last time I weighed myself was back on Nov. 15th '05 around the time my lengthy plateau started. I weighed around 164 give or take because I was yo-yoing a lot.

Here are my measurements compared to last time:

Posted by hopeful @ 10:20 AM • Comments (5)

February 9, 2006

A new look for a new start

Bear with me peeps I’m undergoing a site redesign. I’ve just spent all day doing this and I’m wiped. I need to head to bed but as you can see not everything is all aligned properly. Everything should work technically even though it might look askew. Over the next couple days I should be able to iron out the wrinkles.

I can’t believe that I did this on a whim today. I had and have absolutely no time to dedicate to this right now but I did it anyway. Oh well I’ll suffer for it at work tomorrow.

I think I was inspired by the warm weather here and it makes me feel like spring is just around the corner.

I must go to sleep :-)

Posted by hopeful @ 1:50 AM • Comments (10)

February 8, 2006

DIY heaven

Do you guys remember this crime scene?

Check it out now!

I did it all from the counter tops, plumbing & electrical to custom molding and wood work. My Dad did the cabinet door fronts. They were his design and he routed, painted (a crazy process to go over shellac), and hung them (took at least 4 or 5 days!). They look amazing and that helped motivate me to persevere through the rest. I only have a little touch up painting left.

Posted by hopeful @ 8:45 AM • Comments (5)

February 7, 2006

Old picture

I found this old picture of myself the other day as I was looking for before pictures of my kitchen. I’m not sure exactly when it was taken but I’m guessing it was about a year ago close to the time that I started my blog and weight loss journey. This is approximately me at my heaviest.

This picture was taken for an application to one of those home makeover shows. We were hoping to be selected for a show called Home Intervention. It seemed like we got very close to getting selected. We met with producers and they really liked us and emailed me to send more pictures of our home, etc. We were very excited and then very much let down as is the more common tale.

The reason I mention this is because I didn’t volunteer to be in pictures often. More accurately I never did. It had to be something real important to have me drag myself in front of the camera. That was one of the driving forces behind my motivation now. I didn’t want my daughter to not be able to look back at my life when she was first born. She’d think that I didn’t exist. I love looking at pictures of my mother when we were kids. She looked like a sexier Audrey Hepburn and I thought she was a movie star. I want to create the possibility of the same experience for my baby.

I want to go look for more pictures of myself at that time because I see myself so differently now. I remember looking at this picture and thinking that it looked pretty good considering I hated my weight. I often would look at pictures and stop seeing the weight as though I became so used to and familiar with it. Lately I’ve put that time out of my mind as though it was a bad dream. I haven’t even been able to look at my before progress picture for a while. I just cringe. After seeing this picture I feel ready to take a look at myself once again and appreciate where I am today. This weekend I want to take a mirror picture of this one so we can compare :-)

Posted by hopeful @ 8:03 AM • Comments (1)

February 6, 2006

162! Progress Chart

Yay! Down a pound and a half or so. I'm happy about that considering I thought I had shifted back up to 166 mid week. I can't explain the fluctuation.

Below I’ve included my progress chart right out of my-calorie-counter.com. Again, my daily caloric intake is off because today I only put in breakfast so far. I’m normally just under 1300 (give or take a few).

I feel like I’ve been counting calories for longer than 12 days, it’s not the easiest thing to do. The program makes the actual input easy. What’s not easy is telling the truth, not underestimating portion size, not conveniently forgetting something you nibbled off of your daughter’s plate. That one veggie chicken nugget cost me 45 calories! I didn’t even have to chew it, it was so small. I think I unintentionally sucked it in on an inhale.

What-ev, here’s the chart.

Posted by hopeful @ 9:52 AM • Comments (3)

February 5, 2006

Hopefulbooty

I look forward to the day when my butt will be described as booty-licious or a J-lo. Currently it looks like I fell out of a plane and my parachute failed to open and I landed dead-center on my ‘arse. (After I re-read this, it could also be described as me looking like I backed into a waffle iron.)

** observation made at the gym where the mirrors meet in the corner, reflecting yet more mirrors, giving me at least a 180 degree view of myself. That's always fun.

Posted by hopeful @ 8:21 PM • Comments (1)

February 4, 2006

What'sa matta you?

It just occurred to me, as I was commenting on someone else's blog, that I relate so many of my experiences to being overweight. I see the world through fat tinted glasses. That's where I derive a lot of my humor, which I felt I needed in order to cope with my unhappiness about my size.

I need to let go of that because things are different now. While I'm still technically overweight, I'm not considered quite as such by others anymore.

I'll probably hold onto my Festiva so that I can continue to make fun of myself. I can also reference my deflating boobs and pizza dough belly that I can practically roll up like a sleeping bag now.

Posted by hopeful @ 11:52 AM

February 3, 2006

I got the job!

I have to be brief again because I’m at work. I’m pretty much always at work during the week.

I finally got offered a job from the company I’ve been consulting for since October. The drama was quite intense. They knew they wanted me because they liked my work a lot but weren’t thrilled with the number that I had requested for my salary. I aimed quite high because as a woman in a predominately male field I get lowballed all the time. I had a lot of confidence because I’ve been used to absolutely no job security for the past two years and figured it couldn’t get any worse, so what do I have to lose. This time I felt like it was really important for me to stand up for myself and took the gamble that it would look good for my character that I can hold my own with these guys.

It paid off. I keep thanking my lucky stars that I lost a bunch of weight in time for this. I’ve been so much more confident since I’ve taken off the weight and had I not, I’m sure I wouldn’t even have attempted playing hardball. Besides how I thought about myself, it gave me the upper hand where these guys are concerned.

I know this because they tried to use a bunch of tactics to intimidate me and bring me down dollar-wise. Tactics were used that touched upon my financial status, sex (regarding motherhood mostly), etc. They mentioned how the guys loved me on a social level (I’m the only female) which I feel wouldn’t be the case if they didn’t find me remotely attractive.

I’m not trying to be pessimistic but those types of stereotypes are apparent around here. In fact, there is a heavy slightly older woman in a department that works close with our group that complained to me a number of times she is overlooked and not listened too. On more than one occasion she’s asked me to bring stuff up and/or push an idea. I’ve had a little more success.

Without furthermore negativity I am thrilled I got the job and feel great. Because despite all those things I previously mentioned I really enjoy everyone I work with and like the work. No individual here encompasses those qualities so much as it is the workplace as a whole. Those less positive aspects are par for the course at every job I’ve been to in the past eight years, certainly not exclusive to this one, so I don’t hold it against them more than I do anywhere else.

It’s the unfortunate reality of our society, which I had no intention of going into right now. I just wanted to say, in my long winded, tangent riddled way, that I GOT THE JOB, YAY!

Posted by hopeful @ 1:16 PM • Comments (5)

February 2, 2006

Happy B-day Mini!

Of course I have to do a shout out to my daughter on her second birthday! I wish I could be home with her right now.

In other news I have to confess I’m a bit nervous because I sneaked a peak at the scale today (I know I shouldn’t have!) and it read 166. That would be about a 2.4 pound gain.

I can’t understand it because I’ve been doing perfectly. My caloric intake for the past 10 days or so since I started tracking is below 1200. I’ve been working out a lot, too, doing 50 minute stretches burning around 500-600 calories depending on the accuracy of the elliptical machine. And it’s not even close to that TOM for me either.

I just got back from the gym so I’m feeling pretty good and optimistic. I think I look leaner and my clothes are fitting better. I know I didn’t suddenly gain two pounds of muscle and despite my sodium intake being twice the daily recommendation I’m most likely not retaining water. I’ve been a sodium-aholic my whole life.

I’m just going to have to try and stay away from the scale until Monday (yeah right). I’ve read that frequent fluctuations are not uncommon.

Posted by hopeful @ 2:14 PM • Comments (4)