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October 1, 2005

Don’t worry you can laugh

But please shed a sympathetic tear for me too. This is probably going to be one of the more embarrassing posts of mine. I think it’s even more embarrassing than my before picture. I have to share this and I have to be brutally honest with the details.

This morning as I was getting dressed in my workout garb I headed to the bathroom. I wasn’t completely clothed. I was actually in the process of squeezing into my sports bra. It was the kind that looked like the top half of an Olympic swim suit. So it was real tight and you can only get into it by slipping it over your head, doing some pretzel maneuver with your arms, then pulling down for dear life before you cut off circulation to the upper part of your body. When that’s done you have to adjust your boobs otherwise they can be smushed in all different directions.

I my case, I was caught in the act of pulling it down. My boobs where being squeezed out the bottom. I can hardly believe I’m telling you this. My husband, carrying my daughter, started to laugh. He said “look at mommy’s gorilla boobs”. I wanted to die! He must have seen the look on my face because he kind of looked like he had just seen a ghost. Then he tried to back pedal and say, “we were just reading her (my daughter’s) Hannah and the gorilla book and when she saw the gorilla she pointed at it and said mama, I swear.”

I ran into the bathroom devastated. I was laughing and crying. I wasn’t crying because I was laughing so hard, the two where mutually exclusive.

First of all my daughter never called that gorilla “mama” before. The gorilla in the story is clearly a muscular, taught-breasted male. He doesn’t have boobs! For most of the story he’s clothed in Hannah’s father’s clothes. There is no way that happened. I don’t know why I even indulged the possibility.

I could only counter with “you’re a FAT A$$!” That kind of stinks because he’s not, but I just might have gorilla boobs.

Posted by hopeful @ October 1, 2005 1:35 AM