« Carlo is cool • Main • Nude September »

September 3, 2005

NGD - not to be mistaken for the beer

Yesterday I had to go to the doctor because I’ve lost my battle with a UTI. I thought maybe I could drink a lot of cranberry juice and water and everything would be OK. What’s worse is I also tried drinking apple cider vinegar by the cup loads. I thought it would make me pee acid and clear out any bacteria. Needless to say, I’m extremely turned off to salads right now unless the dressing is of a creamy persuasion.

I waited with excited and nervous anticipation to see if the nurse would make me get on the scale. Sure enough, she did. It wavered around for a bit, keeping me in suspense, and finally landed on 171. I was fully clothed and it was after I had eaten lunch! I was so excited, and kind of annoyed that the nurse wrote it down before it stopped moving. They always do that, so sure that it’s not going to indicate they need to lessen the weight. I guess they’re experienced enough to know, that if the needle doesn’t slam to one side immediately, that’s what you weigh. But I’ll be damned if that doesn’t squelch my hopes that I might weigh a smidgen less.

Anyway, I was happy with that. It means I’m on track to lose 2 pounds this week. I’m not going to etch that in stone because I’ve blown it over the weekend before. We’ve already eaten out twice, the weekend isn’t even half over, and this is a holiday weekend. The cards are stacked against me. Seeing that on the scale, though, helps motivate me to want to hold on to it.

When I was at the pharmacy, waiting for my prescription, I noticed the diet pill section. There was a big box shaped like a half a grapefruit. It said “The New Grapefruit Diet ™ with Apple Cider Vinegar”. They claimed to have “taken powerful ingredients that made the original "Grapefruit Diet" such a success and formulated them into an amazingly effective new program!” I had no idea that the grapefruit diet was ever touted as a success. And of course any pill could be when “used with the enclosed diet and exercise program”. I get so annoyed by that disclaimer.

Might I have been conforming to the new diet trend of apple cider vinegar last week? I didn’t realize I was so hip. Is that the reason I lost my two pounds by Friday?? I Doubt it. Funny thing is I’m also obsessed with grapefruit. I eat no less than one a day. I did this at my heaviest too. I can tell you first hand that they don’t increase your metabolism or lessen your appetite. At best they just aid you in going to the bathroom.

Drinking the vinegar may have helped decrease my appetite because it was just plain old gross. Your whole insides feel like they’re on fire and the vinegar gas looms in your mouth for quite a while ruining the taste of anything you eat thereafter.

Consider the NGD put to the test. I would suggest you don’t waste your money. And as for the vinegar stunt, it was performed by a professional idiot so don’t try this at home. Your esophagus might prove to come in handy some day, you probably don’t want to destroy it. It didn’t even help with my UTI.

Posted by hopeful @ September 3, 2005 1:05 PM