Hopeful Loser

I don’t know where to begin in describing my day. So many thoughts and feelings are flowing through me; my mind is only filled with white light. I’m not sure how else to illustrate it.

I had lunch with my boss and basically he told me I was being all but let go. Our client company is on course to run out of money next month and need to pare down their expenses.

I had the premonition the axe was going to fall this week. That may have led to my decision to move back home to NJ as soon as possible. I might as well look for a new job at home. Go balls to the wall and change everything.

When I made the decision to move home it felt more like a plunge. Not off a cliff or anything but into something. I’m not sure what. I set things in motion and feel like I can’t stop them now. This is how I would feel jumping out of a plane. I know I wouldn’t jump excitedly. I would hesitate, hesitate, and hesitate. Then my mind would go numb and I would slowly step out and all my breath would be sucked out of me. Scared the whole time but I could do it.

I’m in the breathless phase right now and need to get my bearings so that I can start making things happen. Find a new job and find a new home.

I wonder if I knew this was coming 6 months ago when I started losing weight. I really couldn’t handle all of this if I was at my heaviest. I was miserable at that size and it would consume me and hinder everything that I did. Did knowing this day was inevitable keep me on track? I’m grateful that I’m at this stage in my weight loss.

My boss was floored when he saw me today. I hadn’t seen him for months. When lunch was over he said in a cheesy sleaze voice “if things don’t work out with you and [hubby] give me call”. I know he was only half joking.

Comments

Hopeful, I think the success in weight loss is giving you the confidence now that you can handle this upheaval, not the other way around. I know the scary moments will sometimes override the excitement, but remember that you have slayed a dragon (weight loss), so now you can do anything. It will be hardwork, and slow going, just like losing weight, but with focus and determination, you can relocate and find a new job you love more than this one. I'm excited for you too!

They DO have internet in NJ, right? You will still keep blogging here, right?? lol!

Posted by: martha at September 8, 2005 7:09 AM

You know, I hear a lot of stories about people who had major life shifts right around the time they were losing signiicant weight. It makes me think.

I'm super excited for ya :)

Posted by: renee at September 8, 2005 8:05 AM

Hey, Hopeful, maybe it's time to use some of that new confidence to turn to your boss and say, "Well, that would be pretty hard with you laying me off, now, wouldn't it?" See what his reaction to that would be. Maybe you won't need to move back to the East Coast (believe me, I always think about escaping it).

Posted by: Kevin at September 8, 2005 8:52 AM

Hopeful,

What fun! I LOVE new changes. I remember you talking about moving back to NJ after your trip there and how you thought it just felt right......now is your chance! I think it's great that you are taking the bull by the horns.

Things around here are crazy! We are finishing our basement and it's been life turned upside down...I'm also insanely busy with my purses ( I have 3 shows coming up that I have to get ready for, plus the orders from regular stores). Christmas is just around the corner for me and that means more orders as well. Yikes!

Unfortunately I haven't done so well with the exercise routine. I still haven't gained any weight back, but I've been slacking on eating well/exercising. Not enough to make a major difference, but enough. I am still hoping that I'll get back into it, but maintaining is my goal right now.

Keep us posted Hopeful. We're here for you girl!

Molly

Posted by: Molly at September 8, 2005 4:39 PM

Hey Kev,
I often have escape fantasies, no matter where I am. That probably explains changing my hair color and jobs so often. I've never had a job for longer than 2 years. I like change a lot. I really want to be close to my family and best friends, they're all in NJ. That makes all change a lot easier.

I will miss some things about california but not as much as I miss home (NJ).

My boss (the one I love) who delivered the bad news might get laid off himself and doesn't really have a say in the matter. He fought to have me for as long as they did.

Molly, good luck with your purses. I love mine so much. I'm curious to see how I maintain losing during the next few chaotic months too. Hopefully I'll at least maintain and not gain.

Posted by: hopeful at September 13, 2005 10:03 AM

September 7, 2005

New beginnings

Comments