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August 31, 2005

Random weird thought

Instant real time update: as I was writing this it occurred to me that this isn’t a random thought at all. Most of my thoughts pertain to weight loss and this could be described more as a moment of clarity and enlightenment. Who cares, let’s get to it. (I swear I have mental and verbal diarrhea and can barely stick to a single train of thought. There I go again.)

Last night I was watching the late night repeats of “Will and Grace”. Grace was so skinny back then. Actually I don’t really know what she looks like now, maybe she lost the weight gain from having her baby, I don’t know. My point is that I was amazed by how skinny she looked, that’s all I could focus on. I was constantly inspecting every curve of her body. Lack of curve, I should say. Protruding points would be more accurate.

I usually love this look, to the dismay of my sister. I’ve been silently (because I know most people wouldn’t be too happy about it) enjoying the figures of Nichole Richie, Linsay Lohan, Paris Hilton (minus her nasty lack of butt), etc. Speaking of that nasty lack of butt, she (or anybody) shouldn’t wear clothes to accentuate that fact. Her side view looks like when a cartoon character falls off a building, splats flat, and gets up and walks away remaining flat. Walking away like a slightly curled piece of paper.

Oops, back to my point. As I was watching Grace all I could think about was how cranky I would be if I were her or, I should say, that thin. I know she or most of those other girls (minus Paris) aren’t naturally that thin. They really look under weight. Wow, I can’t believe I just admit that and more surprisingly, for the first time, believe it.

Doing what it would take to sustain that under weightness would make me one very cranky b!tch. I think for the first time, I really don’t aspire to be that.

Posted by hopeful @ 11:24 AM • Comments (2)

August 30, 2005

Results not typical

I fess, I was looking for current pictures of Kirstie Allie, but have you noticed that below all the success stories for almost any diet it says “Results not typical”? I’m talking all the big ones – J.C., W.W., N.S., etc.

What’s that about? What is typical? Why is it so hard to beat the odds? I kind of want to look into this and part of me doesn’t even want to know.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:23 PM • Comments (2)

August 29, 2005

173

Let me clarify that. It was 173.8. I always just go by the first three numbers but I do feel bad if the tenth place is above a five. I don’t know what the tenth place number was last week, but if it was below the five than I didn’t even really lose a whole pound. I’ve been moving at a snails pace this month!

I’ve been at this weight loss thing now for just over five months and at first I felt like the time was flying by. Today I feel like it’s taking forever. The recent unbudging scale is partly responsible.

I started taking for granted my 2 pounds per week weight loss. My routine to lose those pounds each week became ingrained. It stopped requiring much thought or effort. I think that’s were I fail to maintain my weight loss each time I have success. I can’t not think about it, otherwise, I’ll conveniently forget just how many times I didn’t workout or how many times I actually went out for dinner. Before you know it weight creeps back on, at which point I usually avoid the scale in denial until it will take a huge monumental effort to lose the weight once again.

That’s why I do weigh each week. Depending on what those numbers reveal, it reminds me to pay attention. And usually, you can’t get so far off track in one week that you can’t repair the damage. If it’s good news, well then, you’re just stoked. I have to keep this in check, now and forever.

Here’s the part of the marathon where I feel like I’m about to pass out and come to a stop (hopefully brief), bend down a bit, and have to place my hands on my knees to brace myself while I pant (with that pained expression), look up and figure out how much further I have to go. The road I’m envisioning looks like those cross country highways, in the Midwest farmlands, almost perfectly flat and straight. Nothing is between me and the horizon but this damn road. No indication of when it’s going to end.

I’m being dramatic, I’ve never run a marathon in my life (only metaphorical ones), but that’s how I feel right now.

Posted by hopeful @ 9:05 PM • Comments (7)

August 28, 2005

Why the Vino

Whenever I drink wine in the evening I feel great the next day. That is, as long as I don’t drink too much to cause a hangover. All is well, I feel great today.

I needed a night of relaxation because I can feel the stress coming on. I’ve made some decisions that will require some big changes and I’m going to move on them fast. There is no point in delaying any longer.

I want to move back home to the east coast. I’ll probably have to find another job and I’m going to have to figure out how to move my family and find a place to live. A lot of ducks have to align in row (job, sell my house-requires some DIM**, buy a house). I’m not really sure how to orchestrate it all. To add to the complication, I have six cats. So staying with family or friends is out of the question and finding a temporary rental will be more difficult. Oh, zip it, if you were thinking about some cliché regarding fat women and cats, it was my husband’s fault ;-). It really was though.

The stress has been taking a bit of a toll out on my eating. It has just been a problem with dinners. I tend to want to get out and see people and feel festive. So we’ve been eating out a lot since Thursday and because I’ve been sick I haven’t worked out as much. I’m nervous about my weigh-in tomorrow.

I need to get to bed. We shall see how it goes.

** DIM - stands for DO IT MYSELF. I do all my own home improvement. Maybe I'll post some pictures of it. We're talking tile, plumbing, paint, some wood work, and whatever else. Nope, the hubby is no help.

Posted by hopeful @ 11:24 PM • Comments (2)

August 27, 2005

SShhhhh, I’m hunting wha’bits

Actually, I’ve been drinking wine, a lot of wine. I can’t be responsible for what I post tonight.

I can hear my husband rummaging around in the bathroom. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that he’s going to surprise me with having cleaned it. I just heard the beeping of my Tanita scale!

My husband is not too heavy, but he is for HIM. He’s 6 feet and weighs about 215. When I first met him I swear he was 155 (he says he was 175)! I even asked him as we were eating at a diner (not a date, but our first night hanging out), “how long have you been anorexic.” He laughed, but I was like “seriously, I know about these things”. I can’t believe he didn’t just walk out.

He’s been gaining weight for about the past 4 years, the amount of time we’ve been married. That’s also about the time I started gaining my serious amounts of weight. It was so frustrating that so many people would say that “marriage agrees with him” and imply that I was making him gain weight because I was heavy. Let me just say that I didn’t weigh more than him I was just overweight for my size and he wasn’t. It drove me nuts because we ate because of him. He loves to eat (mostly unhealthy) and prefers sedentary activities like watching movies.

As I’ve been doing so well lately, he’s become a little more self conscious. I hear the Tanita going off all the time. He listens for me too. Whenever one of us comes out of the bathroom the other one has that “I know what you just did” smile and asks what the damage was. The Tanita’s beep has a freaky ability to reach some decibel that supersedes everything else. You can never sneak a weigh because the beep carries throughout the city. You can’t fake a sneeze or cough or flush the toilet, it doesn’t help.

He better be cleaning that bathroom because he’s still not out. I haven’t heard hide nor hair of a fart, flush, or shower.

I’ll post later why I feel the need to indulge in the vino tonight, I don't want to lose my buzz. I can't hold my wine and type at the same time.

Posted by hopeful @ 9:44 PM • Comments (2)

August 25, 2005

Ode to Pendulous Jason

I’m not feeling very well again. I have what I think is a recurrence of that flu from just a month ago, damn it. As I lay here on my bed typing this (not sure exactly what I’m going to write about), I look like I’m melting. You know how when you lie on your back and your boobs find a new resting place in your arm pits? I hope I’m not alone here because it gets worse. Mine are resting on the bed next to me. And just below them is my stomach. It’s not below both of them simultaneously because it usually picks a side.

When I was heavier things were taut, now things are starting to hang and, dare I say, are more pendulous. (That word cracks me up because many years ago John Henson of Talk Soup referred to a male stripper as “Pendulous Jason” for obvious reasons. I have been looking for an opportunity to use it ever since. Wheh-hew.) I’m sure it’s the stretch marks, which I’ve only now started to notice, that are responsible for the extra lose skin. I really didn’t think I had them before. They’re revealing themselves under my arms a little, and around my thighs and hips. Crap-ola.

On a more positive note, none of that is bothering me too much. I’m so excited about the changes in my body right now that I’m OK with the saggy. If you held your hand to your eye, like you where holding a telescope (or like a sign language O), then closed your other eye and aimed your hand telescope at my stomach (excluding everything else) you would think you’re looking at a 90 year old lady. Despite even that, I’m happy.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:44 PM • Comments (4)

Chart 8/22/05

I weighed in on Monday at 174, down two.

Renee had a great post yesterday about how "Diet Slip-ups Don't Spell Doom". For anyone who is discouraged, try not to be and read her post. Slip-ups don't spell doom, but a discouraged attitude and how you let it affect you might.

Here is the progress chart up until this Monday.

Progress Chart Group 1 - 8/22/05

Posted by hopeful @ 1:22 AM • Comments (10)

August 24, 2005

I Rocked My Outfit

I was a little late this morning but I didn’t mind because my hair and makeup kicked butt and I was rockin’ my outfit. Nothing fazed me even as Murphy’s Law reared its head around every corner.

When I finally got out to my car, no less than 45 minutes after I had planned to leave, I realized that I needed gas. I proceeded to the one gas station that would keep me heading in the right direction and was really the only one on the way. I probably don’t even have to mention that there was a long line of cars. This is the last gas station in California that hasn’t converted to the easy self service, credit card takin’ pump. There is one centrally located machine that only takes cash and ATM cards and you have to pre-pay. How the heck are you supposed to know how much gas it’s going to take to fill your car?

It seems as though I must not have bought gas since I was in high school. I don’t know what I was thinking when I decided to buy 7 dollars worth of gas. Has anybody seen the gas prices in California? Where were you today, when I needed you? I didn’t even realize what I had done until it took about a half a second for the pump to come to a screeching halt. Sale: $7.00 Gallons: 2.6. The moment: *effin’ priceless.

Making me even later wasn’t my concern at that point; I was just too embarrassed to go back and purchase more. I took my chances and made it just fine.

When I walked in the office, I was greeted by the first of my co-workers with a surprised “wow, you look…cute.” She said it really nicely. I could tell she almost used the word “great” but because we don’t know each other too well, she didn’t want to indicate to me that she ever thought I didn’t look good before.

I met a couple people for the first time, so they wouldn’t know any better, and a few other people were out of the office. So it was pretty uneventful as far as acknowledgements. But for me there was a noticeable difference in the vibe. It was as though I got a big hairy mole removed from my cheek. They seemed more comfortable looking at me and shootin’ the poo.

This is an office of Barbies and Kens. None of the three, long haired, attractive women weigh more than 115. That’s not an exaggeration. Even the heaviest guy probably doesn’t weigh more than 175. Conversations are often about mountain biking and rafting. I think they were afraid (when I was heavier), without even realizing it, a fat joke would slip out or at least a comment about “un-fitness”. So now they are more at ease with me. It’s as though it never happened.

I was going to say that I just had a regular normal day. But I didn’t really; it was always in the back of my mind that things are different now that I’ve lost weight. They’re nicer to me. People in general are nicer to me. I get more attention from guys. Don’t get me wrong, I had a great day and I’m very happy. But it’s kind of like a kid who catches a glimpse of Mickey Mouse taking off the head of his costume to sneak a smoke. I’ve become a bit disillusioned because I’ve seen a (not so nice) side of many people, while at my heaviest, that I wouldn’t have seen at my current weight.

Posted by hopeful @ 12:23 AM • Comments (6)

August 22, 2005

My New Outfit

Here you have it. This is the cute outfit I bought from Torrid to wear to the office. We are allowed to dress casual, but no jeans. I don't think there are any official rules but everyone always dresses nice. The shirt is a nice rich chocolate brown with white polka dots. You can't see the detail too well in this picture but it's kind of retro.

The shirt is a size 0 and the pants are a 12.  That all sounds really nice, but we have to remember that it's a plus size store we're talking about. I probably couldn't fit into a size 12 at the Gap. Torrid is sweet for leaving out the Xs from their sizes, you can almost imagine what it's like to be small. 0 really means that there are no Xs pre-pended to the Large that is my true size.  1 would mean XL. Sorry for the blurry second picture.

I go into the office tomorrow and I'm excited to see what it will be like. Also I want to remember to write a post about how on two different occasions in two different Torrids I heard people lying about their size.

Posted by hopeful @ 2:51 PM • Comments (5)

August 19, 2005

Virtual Reality

I tried creating a virtual model for the varying stages of my weight loss. It’s so cool and I think she looks a lot like me. Of course her skin is more taut and free of stretch marks. She also doesn’t have a weird, alien, sack of pizza dough-esque thing hanging off of her belly. Oh well, close enough. The virtual model is used by retailers who sell clothes so that shoppers can get an idea of what the items will look like on them. None of these retailers want to deal with really plus size women apparently. The first frame is what happened when I entered my starting weight of 211 in combination with my 5feet 2 inch height. The second frame is me at 190, the highest weight a 5 foot twoer is allowed to be.
On the left side is me at my current weight. If I looked that good in that outfit right now, I’d be wearing it everyday. The right side is me at my goal weight of 130.
Since all of my pictures have been of my side view, I turned the model so I could compare. Below is my most recent photo (a few pounds heavier than I am right now). The model is at my current weight. It’s really not that far off.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:22 AM • Comments (7)

August 18, 2005

Office Space

I have to go into the office on Tuesday. The last time I was there I weighed 190, 15 pounds heavier than I am now. I used to hate going into the office (remember this and this?) While I still don’t enjoy being there, it has been fun showing them a new me each time.

So I have to start planning my outfit and getting ready. I like to dye my hair so it’s fresh and black as can be. I get my eyebrows threaded so they look sharp. I might even treat myself to a manicure and a pedicure.

I’m going to start trying on some clothes tonight. Since I did my clean sweep, I have a bunch of great new clothes ranging in sizes 10 – 14. I think I’ll be able to fit into size 12 depending on the style. Maybe I’ll treat myself to something new from Torrid.

Even though I've now lost a lot of weight, I actually haven't had the nerve to step into a store that wasn't a plus size store. I enjoy being in the lower end sizes of Torrid now. It's like I have that "big fish in a little pond" syndrome. (Kind of weird how that works out because I’m more like a littler fish in a big pond.) I feel great when I walk in there knowing that, now, almost anything will look pretty good on me.

I’m terrified to walk into the regular stores because the nightmares of not fitting into their largest sizes are still fresh in my mind. They also screw with your head a bit because so many of them make their clothes small. Even when you think you’re one size they’ll have you believing you’re not quite.

I don’t want the depressive setback. Because I’m teetering on a size 12, what many stores only go up to, I’m not going to take my chances yet. I’ll wait until I’m safely in a size 10 before I venture back to the regular stores. For now I’ll just stick with Torrid and feel like I’m a super model when I try on the clothes.

Posted by hopeful @ 9:22 AM • Comments (1)

Well said

This was a great post on Skinny Daily yesterday.
"I believe"

I can totally relate.

Posted by hopeful @ 8:50 AM

August 17, 2005

Don't mess with my toot toot

I’m guilty of getting on the scale again today. I felt less bloated as that TOM is beginning to wind down. I know I’ve mentioned that for the billionth time, but it makes a difference. I’m a woman on a mission, and I’m slightly obsessed. It read 174 so I might have lost my typical two pounds after all. I’m not going to set that in stone or anything but it was the pick me up I needed.

I haven’t been having a great week or so at work. I’ve been tasked with something that I don’t want to tackle on my own. I’m overwhelmed and it bums me out. It makes me feel out of control a bit and that makes me want to eat. Self restraint has been tough. Luckily I don’t keep any junk food in the house. I’ve been gorging myself on steamed peas and broccoli, tomatoes, and pickles. I know it is probably difficult to go overboard with these items, but I’ve been feeling guilty for needing to feel full to the point of explosion. Speaking of explosion, lord, have mercy on the gas!

This morning I went to go sneak a private toot. Not that I can’t toot in front of my husband, I can. I just thought I’d spare him for once. So I casually went into my bedroom and let her rip. I hadn’t realized that the baby monitor was on. In case you’re not familiar with how a baby monitor amplifies sound, I might as well have had a microphone up to my butt. I could hear myself in the kitchen (where the receiver is) from in the bedroom. It was like being in stereo. It was just funny being the one time I tried to be inconspicuous, in actuality being obvious as all hell and instantly blew my cover (in more ways than one)

Posted by hopeful @ 2:23 AM • Comments (2)

August 16, 2005

News Bulletin

Kirstie Allie is on Oprah today! Maybe this isn't such big news or anything but who isn't curious about what she looks like?! I can't wait to see it. I'm making an exception to my rule of not watching TV during the day.

Kirstie is really tall and she used to be really big. I saw her in an interview say that she never was over 200 pounds or something. That had to be a lie. Now on the commercials for Jenny Craig she says she lost 45 pounds so far. I don't think she really looks like she lost that much. The commercial doesn't let you really get a good look at her. She jumps on a trampoline the whole time.

Anyway, I'll have a review later. All my suspicions, doubts, and questions should be laid to rest.

Posted by hopeful @ 9:14 AM • Comments (5)

Chart 8/15/05

I weighed in on Monday at 176, no change. I'm not too surprised because I had a rough couple of days leading up to this TOM and now I'm on it. That could account for no loss. Although, I have lost in the past despite that. Oh well.

Here is the progress chart up until this Monday. It appears that a lot of people have checked out (of the charts). I know how it feels, I have signed up for eDiets more times than I can remember and never went anywhere with it.

If you know you don't want to keep updating your weight, please let me know so that I can remove you from the chart. If you want to stay on or join, send me an email with your weight.
Thanks!

Progress Chart Group 1 - 8/15/05

No one from Group 2 has updated in a while, so I'm leaving this one off until I hear from someone.

Posted by hopeful @ 12:11 AM • Comments (8)

August 15, 2005

Maximum Protection with Flexi-Wings, maybe

Now it’s officially that TOM and I’m feeling a bit better. There’s a reprieve from my mental insanity once it actually starts. I only have to endure about one day of physical discomfort (agony, I’m just trying to sound strong) and the rest of the week will be smooth sailing.

Over the weekend (Fri., Sat., & Sun.) I had big dinners, from restaurants, and threw my dieting inhibitions to the wind. Just for dinner, though, the other meals where fine. I didn’t exercise either. Whadda’ya’gonna do? You win some, you lose some.

I had to restock on pads. If you happen to have read one of my suggested readings, you’ll know why I don’t use tampons. I always buy Always and for the first time I noticed that they have a design for plus size women.

The package didn’t describe any special or unique features or say why, specifically, it was for plus size women. I didn’t buy it because when it comes to these things I stick with what I know. I have been buying the same brand and style for over a decade. I should have bought them, though, because now I can’t get them out of my mind.

I’m curious if they’re bigger than the ones for “smaller than plus size” women. That’s what most people would naturally think, right? I’m not so sure. I have less room between my thighs. My feet have to be about twice shoulder width apart before you can slide a piece of paper up in there and touch “home”. Might they be smaller?

Here’s a great piece on “Chub Rub” that many of use are too familiar with. I’m certainly no stranger to creating so much friction when my thighs rub together that it would be hazardous for me to walk by a gas station. Maybe these plus size pads come equipped with bolts and screws that hold them to your underwear so when your chub rubs they can’t detach easily and inch up your back. I use the ones with wings and those poor suckers hold on for dear life. If you have thighs like mine, they still might ride up your back, just not with out a damn good fight.

I dunno’, whadda’ya think? Has anybody had any experience with these?

Posted by hopeful @ 1:24 AM

August 12, 2005

Salt-aholic

Like I’ve mentioned it’s just prior to that TOM. And I’m actually more mental now than I am during that TOM. It’s tough. I’m tired, cranky, can’t focus, and go into flight mode where I just want to change my identity and start over. That’s a whole other story. The aspect of pre-TOM that applies to the weighty issue is the insatiable hunger!

On a daily basis I peruse the weight loss blogoshpere and so many write of this. I find the most common food of choice to be chocolate, occasionally, with a side of peanut butter. I’m not the biggest fan of food of the sweet persuasion.

I prefer salt and sour and right now I’m thanking my lucky stars about that because I’m about to eat a whole jar of sauerkraut (a big one too, 32 oz). Once I’m done and on the verge of explosion, I’ll only have consumed 150 calories and no fat. It has more salt than the ocean or a container of salt, but what-ev.

That kraut is going to keep me from eating my other favorite, a whole loaf of burnt cream cheese toast. My “cream cheese” toast really contains at least equal part butter, or more, to cream cheese. It’s like calling a big mac a grilled cheese. I use tofutti cream cheese and non-hydrogenated vegan butter, so it’s a little gentler on the veins. Pretty much, though, a whole loaf of anything is going to be trouble.

I’ll keep you posted on the side effects of that salt.

Posted by hopeful @ 12:57 PM • Comments (1)

Good Reads

Yesterday I spent so much time reading other blogs I should be fired from my job. I have been slow at generating my list of favorites for a number of reasons. I want to make sure that I read them everyday and that they’re truly my favs, etc.

I’ve added a few more to my list on the right.

So far Dooce and GeeseAplenty are the only two not weight related. They are just funny. I love them so much I should marry them (include Dooce’s husband in that because he’s a hottie who can do tons of stuff).

Another site, which actually prompted me to write this post, is a heavy site. It’s very funny. It might make you cringe uncomfortably because it is very candid. But you’re probably cringing more because you’re all too familiar with their experiences.

I only came across it because Lindsey, one of the authors, commented on my site today. Obviously, I haven’t been reading it daily, but I added it to my list because I think I’ve read the whole thing. I just couldn’t look away. Kind of like when you drive by an accident ;-).

Posted by hopeful @ 10:17 AM • Comments (2)

August 11, 2005

Shoulder pads of the new millenium

It’s just about that TOM again and I feel like poo. I’ll probably write something about it later, but for now I wanted to do something to make me feel better.

One of the benefits of working out with weights is that when you build muscle it re-shapes your body in such a nice way.

I’m appreciating my shoulders at the moment. I’ve gained shoulder caps. They’re so great for a couple of reasons. For one, they prevent my bra straps from rolling off my shoulder. And second, they have a slimming effect like shoulder pads did for us back in the 80’s. Shoulder pads, while an unfortunate fashion trend, created a very successful illusion of a slimmer waist. I may have looked like a scare crow, but I did have a tinnier waist.

Here is a good before and after display of my shoulders back in the beginning and now. I've almost gone from round to rectangle!

Then

Now

Posted by hopeful @ 11:13 AM • Comments (5)

August 10, 2005

The Diet Cartel

So many people have been asking me how I’m losing the weight. Some people who ask seem skeptical (usually the thin people) or leery as though I’m doing something I shouldn’t be to get results. When I simply say that I’m watching what I eat and exercising, they give me a (slightly higher pitched, that comes from the chest, knocking the head back a little) “huh” like they didn’t think it could be done that way.

I should tell them: On a weekly basis I pedal my butt to San Diego where I’ve joined the last 24 Hour Fitness club this side of the border. I meet up with my Mexican “syndicate” who smuggles in a Columbian under the guise of my “fitness” instructor. This is where the story get dangerous… we work out…if you know what I mean, but keep that on the DL. (Down Low)

Fellow heavies, who struggle themselves, ask me with wide eyes longing for the answer. And when I tell them my method, I get the defeated look and I can hear their subconscious yelling “nnnoooooooooooo”.

I’m with them on that. I wish there was an easier way.

Posted by hopeful @ 12:17 PM • Comments (4)

August 9, 2005

Searching for Endorphins

I know that technically exercise is supposed to release endorphins in our body and make us feel great but I’ve been searching for that high that everyone is talking about. I’m not sure that my endorpho-mechanism is working. Most of the time, throughout my whole exercise routine, I’m cursing to no end and afterwards I’m just tired.

This week I think I might have experienced it. I really needed it too, because I’ve been a bit sad about not being in NJ. The other day I was putting off exercise because I felt sluggish and down in the dumps, finally I decided just to start the tape, thinking I would half ass my way through it.

I closed my eyes, let the muzak run through veins, and really began to feel it. I channeled Jamie Lee Curtis’s character from “Perfect”. I exaggerated my “jazz hands” and before long I was repeating the chorus from “Flashdance What A Feeling”.

Bein's believin'.
I can have it all, now I'm dancing for my life.
Take your [Pants Off] (I know it’s “passion” now, but always used to think it was pants off)
and make it happen.

It was great. My eating and emotions have been iffy this week but my workouts have been great despite never wanting to start them. Once I do, my tempo picks up and I get totally into it and feel awesome.

Posted by hopeful @ 9:00 AM • Comments (4)

August 8, 2005

176

I’m down my typical two pounds this week.

I did some investigation into how I possibly could have seen 174 on those scales in NJ. Basically I couldn’t have been. There has to be some validity to the notion that things weigh less on the east coast or something because there is no way I would have lost 10 pounds in one week. For months now I’ve been losing a consistent 2 pounds per week.

On my 7/11 weigh-in I was 184 and when I weighed in NJ a week later (7/18) it said 174. No way. When I got back, 2 weeks later, I weighed-in at 178, for an average of 2 pounds per week. Now that sounds right.

So if I disregard the NJ scales, I’m right on track with my 2 pounds per week loss. And at this rate, next week I’ll see that 174 again anyway. I can live with that because we'll be reunited in no time.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:39 AM

Charts are back in effect!

I'm getting back on track since my vacation so here are the charts.

I will go back to doing these weekly, so feel free to send me your data. If you know you don't want to keep updating your weight, please let me know so that I can remove you from the chart.
Thanks!

Progress Chart Group 1 - 8/01/05

Progress Chart Group 2 - 8/01/05

Posted by hopeful @ 1:04 AM • Comments (4)

August 7, 2005

Fat Chance

As we speak, I’m watching Mo’Nique’s Fat Chance beauty pageant.

Mo’Nique is super cute and sweet and makes this show so special. She makes it a point to address the discrimination and the difficulties that heavy women face in society. There are 10 women of varying shapes and sizes and they all look really great. They are very candid in sharing their insecurities but I can see their confidence increasing as the show progresses.

I’m familiar with all of their stories. We all go through similar things emotionally. Many of us have felt not valuable and not worthy of many things. This pageant is making these women queens for a week. I really hope they can remember how they’re feeling now and maintain it when they go back to everyday life surrounded by the crueler world.

I think that this show is very important just like the dove ad. They help chip away the media’s completely unrealistic portrayal of women. Not to say that there isn’t a place for the fantasy version. I like them too. But there is room for both and it will help lessen discrimination.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:36 PM

August 5, 2005

Tell me what you really think

All the negative responses to this ad (mostly by men) have made me so sad. In this article by slate the writer starts off by saying how shocked he was at these images of enormous women (he used the term “Brobdingnagian” but I’ll spare you from having to look it up) once he realized he wasn’t looking at an Adam Sandler movie poster (as though they were a joke). And he continues to slip in backhanded insults throughout his commentary.

What?!!! These women range in sizes 4-12. That’s it! I would like to see all his ex-girlfriends and see how they match up. They can’t be below this range because most women aren’t. If I were his girlfriend or wife, I’d rip him a new one.

This article was tame compared to many of the responses out there. I’m crushed to think that people can be so insensitive. These women are our mothers, our daughters, and our sisters. We should celebrate their confidence and encourage it in more people. I can’t be sure whether my daughter will have any weight issues in her life, but even being thin she probably won’t have the stature of a super model. I’ll be devastated if something like that has any impact on her confidence. I’m training now so that I can beat up anybody or anything that make her feel bad about the way she looks. (Kind of a non-issue because she’s the most beautiful baby ever, like all of our babies.)

I don’t even like that they’re referred to as “not perfect”. They are perfect. They’re perfectly beautiful, perfectly healthy, and a perfect representation of most women in the United States.

Wendy McClure’s article is a good retaliation but I would feel a whole lot better if I could staple it on the forehead of all negative responders. Wendy is a cool chick, who has a cool website, who wrote a cool book.

Posted by hopeful @ 11:13 AM • Comments (8)

August 3, 2005

I have arrived!

Today when I checked my site’s stats I noticed an unusual link from an external page.

So I clicked on it and here’s what it said:

The most complete Sex Directory out there!
Find the best sexsites on the world wide web.
Best sites for [ inflating boobs ] – (mine are actually deflating, but shhhh I don’t want to ruin my reputation)

Let me mark that down on my list of “Goals to Achieve”, number 101 “Porn Star”.
Thank you very much.

Posted by hopeful @ 1:10 PM

Nude in August

I had to take my picture this morning. I'm so behind in everything right now. I weighed in at 178. I'll post more about that later. This months picture is only 8 pounds less than last months. I can see a slight change in my stomach and back roll (I have less of one now).

June	August

I had no time for outlines this morning. I'll have to update later.

Now I'll compare the first picture and the latest again, I need the ego booster today.

February	August

Thank goodness for that, it keeps me going on mornings like this one (I'll post more about that later)!

Posted by hopeful @ 8:31 AM • Comments (10)