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July 31, 2005

It’s a good thing I’m going home

This was such a great vacation and I’m sad and happy it’s over. I need to get back to my own home and routine. I just wish my home were here in NJ not 3000 miles away from my best friend and family.

I did well on my diet 90 percent of the time. Near the end, as I was getting a little bummed about it all coming to an end, I ate a bit more. I didn’t go too nuts but I would indulge more as we went out to eat and I didn’t exercise regularly.

I don’t feel too bad. That’s what vacations are about. If I were at my goal weight of 130 or so this wouldn’t even faze me. But I’m not there and I look forward to a loss each week, so I’m eager to get back on track.

I’m happy I didn’t get too 'off track' and know I’m not going to have any trouble when I get back home. I don’t feel discouraged by any of my food indiscretions that would lead me down a path of diet destruction. I didn’t unleash an insatiable hunger that would keep me eating this way. That’s a first for me and that’s a great sign.

I really enjoyed the positive attention and feedback I got from everyone seeing me for the first time since I lost all the weight. I can’t wait to knock their socks off again with another big chunk of loss in a couple of months when I hope to visit again. (Make that, another loss of chunk.)

Tomorrow we fly back to California. (Uhhgg, I dread flying.) I want to sift through our pictures and hope to find some of me in my bathing suit and I’m due to post my progress pictures. I have to get this site back in order. I’ll weigh in on Tuesday morning and pick up where I left off. :-)

Posted by hopeful @ 11:56 AM • Comments (3)

July 28, 2005

Battled the Board Walk and Won

It has been tough trying to find satisfying, healthy, vegetarian options here in NJ. I knew I’d have almost no chance at the board walk. Cheese steaks and sausage sandwiches are in the top five reasons to go there. The other three are funnel cake, ice cream, and lemonade. I could go on with cotton candy, pillow size bags of popcorn, candy apples, etc.

To make a long story short I avoided all of it. The board walk was actually a no-brainer for me. I get a bit grossed out by it. I’ve done well with many meals out because I know that once I say “no” the opportunity pretty much goes away. In most cases, as we walk out of the restaurant, I don’t break down in tears because I didn’t order the Tiramisu and run back inside and beg the waitress to give me a re-do.

What’s more difficult for me to avoid here on vacation is snacking while we sit around drinking coffee, talking, and playing scrabble. This is pretty much what we’ve been doing this whole time. There are so many opportunities to say yes to a buttered bagel, cheese and crackers, and a plethora of potato chips. We stay up pretty late, I get tired and my will power begins to diminish. The sixth time a warm bagel dripping with butter passes in front of me feels like some kind of military torture technique.

I’ve been doing pretty well not snacking. We’ve been eating out a lot and I had my ice cream last night. I have to hit the gym tomorrow, if for nothing else, to weigh myself. I just have to make sure I haven’t gained, otherwise I’m going to eat next to nothing over the weekend.

I may have won this battle but the war continues on.

Posted by hopeful @ 6:37 AM

July 27, 2005

Quick Update

I am on vacation after all.

I have only gone to the gym twice, but walking in the sand balancing all of our junk in one hand and my baby in the other is great exercise. Battling the waves is no easy feat too. So I'm happy. Watching what I eat is more important and more challenging.

Eating is going well. There has been so much temptation. I've only indulged in a few things that I promised myself that I would. I had a slice of pizza. I split a calzone with my sister. And I know I'm going to have an ice cream at one of the Mom and Pop homemade ice cream places. So I've treated myself but haven't gone overboard.

My family is all coming back from the beach as we speak, so I'm signing off. We'll be headed to the cute town of Cape May tonight for strolling and dinner. I'm going to make sure I'm carrying my daughter the whole time. She has become my exercise weight.

Posted by hopeful @ 1:49 PM • Comments (2)

July 25, 2005

Good news and bad

We’re having a great vacation. I’m still recovering from the flu and have an annoying cold but haven’t let it slow me down.

I’ve worked out for the past two days and have been eating well. I splurged last night and am sure it won’t be the last time. I’m not upset about it. This is vacation after all.

I weighed myself in the gym the other day and got my second confirmation of the 174! I might really weigh 174. It was mid-day, I was fully dressed and wearing my sneakers! Again, I tested the scale by adding combinations of dumbbells. It’s keeping me pumped to stay on track while I’m here on vacation.

I do have some crazy bad news though. I don’t know I was thinking doing this, but knowing my computer was going to be the communal computer, I created a guest account and password protected my own. And now I have forgotten my password.

I feel like I’ve been robbed and left with nothing. I’m working in that guest account right now and it feels completely impersonal. But the worst part is that I can’t get to my files, etc. Progress reports and things like that are going to have to wait until I get home. I also am not sure of how I can access my email just yet, so I might be a bit delayed in responding.

If Microsoft doesn’t have some kind of a backdoor that allows me to recover all of my stuff I’ll be so pissed.

I’ll keep you posted, although it might be a little less frequent. I’m excited to write about all that I’m observing on the beach.

Posted by hopeful @ 9:36 AM • Comments (4)

July 22, 2005

Road Trip

Today, my husband, daughter, and I drove down to the Jersey shore with my parents. It’s not too long of a ride but my mother loves stopping to eat. She makes it sound as though she really needs to because she’s so hungry, but I think we all could have made it the 3 and a half hours (max) it takes to get here. We could have waited and ate at a good restaurant once we arrived. Instead we subjected ourselves to the horror that is the NJ Parkway rest stop.

It was dirty and gross and the only food they served was Burger King, KFC, and Nathan’s Famous Franks. I guess that covers all of the meat groups, putrid beef, deep fried chiquen (I don’t think you can be sure it’s chicken), and pork parts (and that means any part). I know that sounds harsh, but this place was that gross.

I refused to eat at any of those. I went to the gift shop to see if they sold trail mix or something. They had a refrigerator with salads that looked a million years old, lunchables, and yogurt. I was a bit hesitant because the yogurt didn’t have an expiration date on it and it had actually been marked down… twice. No advertised sale or anything just a few price stickers that gradually got less faded as the price went down. It must have been real old. I bought it because it looked like my best chance. I also bought some Vegetable Thins (crackers). I wasn’t fooling myself, they are just vegetable “flavored” and despite the green packaging they have a lot of fat.

For dinner we had pizza. I miss NJ pizza! I did good and only had one slice and I actually used a teaspoon to measure the amount of dressing I put on my salad. I’m a little bummed though; I couldn’t taste everything too well due to the congestion from the aftermath of my flu. I wish I had taken the opportunity to eat less and save the slice for another day.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:48 PM • Comments (4)

July 21, 2005

Obsessive Compulsive Up and Running Again

I’m watching the scale kind of close because I don’t want to gain weight since I haven’t been exercising. Today I stepped on the scale and it said 174. I’m enjoying those numbers and they are making me feel thin. I look in the mirror and I actually see a thin person. I wouldn’t be surprise if I have a little bit of that body dimorphic thing going on. My reflection changes based on my mood and even if I just look at it too long.

My mom has one of those cheap scales you get from a five and dime store. Do you see that antiquated terminology? My mom’s house will do that to you, although, this particular scale might just be that old. In my concern for its accuracy, I’ve weighed myself all over the house. I thought I remembered there being a difference between the upstairs and down. Like the gravitational pull of the earth is greater on the second floor. So, needless to say, for good measure, I’m weighing in the basement.

As I mentioned the other day, I put my daughter on the scale because I figured she hasn’t strayed from her stable 23 pounds. But what if she has? It just wasn’t good enough. I kept wishing I had something that I could be sure of its weight. I remember being told that a gallon of milk weighed 10 pounds. We don’t have any milk here but my mom does have a gallon jug of Paisano wine (class act). Milk is more dense than wine so that wasn’t gonna work. The whole time I was thinking about this, I was rolling my mom's dumbbells below my feet. It feels really good on the bottom of your feet and I certainly wasn’t working out with them. I can’t believe how many scenarios I came up with before I realized to use the dumbbells.

So after about a million different combinations using her set of 3, 5, and 8 pound weights, it appears that the scale is only off by a pound! I’m finding it really hard to believe that I could have lost nearly 9 pounds in a little over week.

Do things weigh less in NJ than they would in California? I’ve noticed that the moon looks bigger here (in NJ). Do you think that the magnetic forces of the moon are lifting me up from my underwire bra and tricking the scale?

Anyone???

Posted by hopeful @ 12:56 PM • Comments (4)

July 20, 2005

Got Flu

Got flu.... Too sick to write....**cough**

I’m a little worried about lack of exercise and the calorie count of endless amount of Halls cough drops.

I should have looked for sugarless....

Posted by hopeful @ 11:36 AM • Comments (7)

July 19, 2005

Rockin' to the oldies with Richard Simons

I’ve been feeling under the weather since I got here. Needless to say, I haven’t been working out. The other day I was going to go to the local YMCA, but didn’t want to spend the 18 bucks if I wasn’t going to give it my all. So I searched around the house to see what exercise tapes my mom had on hand.

I found a workout record, I’m talkin’ real vinyl, and a few audio tapes with accompanying books. I guess the tapes were her way of catching up with modern technology. Staying at my mom’s house brings me back to high school, I really think there is nothing here newer than 1990. That’s probably a stretch because back then I thought everything we had was as old as dirt.

Just as I was about to give up, my mom gave me an unopened box containing an exercise ball with a workout video. By this time my strength and enthusiasm had waned. I only got as far as blowing the ball up. They provide a pump that is the size of a syringe so inflating it was quite a challenge. That’ll go down as my upper body workout for that day. Since then I’ve been using the ball as an ottoman and the tape as a drink coaster. Actually balancing your legs, to keep them from rolling off the ball, consumes some energy too. Hmm, that could be my lower body workout for the day.

When I’m feeling better I will get myself to the gym. Fortunately I haven’t had much of an appetite due to being sick, so maybe it’s all balancing out.

Posted by hopeful @ 2:22 PM

July 18, 2005

I’m on Vacation! and still losing!

And of course, it’s that Time Of Month (TOM) and I got a little sick. That often happens when I’m working really hard and suddenly get a break. My body pushes really hard to go the extra mile, I fend off illness until I slow down.

One thing that has makes me really happy, though, is that I know I’ve lost some weight. How much I can’t be sure. My mom’s scale shows me at 175. I know this can’t be correct, though. I put my daughter on the scale to see if I could tell how wrong it was. If she hasn’t gained any weight the scale appears to be 3 pounds off (too low). Even if I err on the side of caution and say that the scale is 5 pounds too low (I’m sure that it’s not more than that), I’ve lost 4 pounds. That might be right. I feel like I’ve lost a little extra.

I’m not going to pin my hopes on this. I’m going to focus on what I lose relative to that 175. However, I am going to enjoy seeing such a low number and totally play “make believe” and pretend it is real. It just might give me the motivational boost I need to keep on track while I’m here. It’s going to take all I’ve got to avoid fresh bagels daily and the best pizza in the country.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:18 AM • Comments (1)

July 15, 2005

Thank You Emily!

Thanks to Emily from Ciao! My Bella! for re-designing my site! I love it!

What a nice surprise to sign on and see it all done. Seriously it's like a dream. She made it so easy for me.

Thanks again Emily!!

Posted by hopeful @ 12:35 AM • Comments (4)

July 14, 2005

Goin’ on Vacation

But I will have my computer with me (thank goodness) and will post. I have never needed a vacation so bad! I’ve been working a lot and doing some home improvement projects. I really feel like I’ve been moving non-stop.

Much of that non-stop movement has been part of an effort to burn more calories in a day. After crunching all of those numbers it has consumed my thoughts. I move more because I want to be able to eat more!

This is the first real vacation for me since I’ve started this website. I’m nervous and excited all at once. Going on vacation has always been about eating. Junkie, fattening, yummy food, is predominately what’s available to you when you’re away from home.

Vending machines and snack stands scream out to me when I’m in the airport passing time, for at least two hours prior to departure. When I feel like I’m starving to death on the endless flight, the only thing that will satiate my hunger is life sustaining Cheetos. (Which, by the way, I haven’t had in months!)

Once I arrive to my destination there will be parties with relatives,... chips, and dip. Then we’ll be headed down the shore. On past vacations, I never hit up a gas station without refueling on chips and soda. And what about the beach and coolers full of junk for multiple picnics throughout the day? Dinner out every night, because who wants to cook when you’re on vacation. I almost forgot the PIÈCE DE RÉSISTANCE,... the boardwalk!!!! I’m talkin’ funnel cakes, cotton candy, cheese fries, and anything else you can put on a stick and fry.

I have a lifetime of traditions to battle over the next two weeks. It will be quite the challenge. I’m glad that I’ve had almost five months to prepare.

I will keep you posted every step of the way.

Posted by hopeful @ 3:01 PM • Comments (2)

July 13, 2005

38D (Yeah, it's kind of about boobs again)

I’m finally starting to fit into some of my cuter more dainty bras. These bras don’t have straps that are 5 inches thick. My old ones looked like something a hospital would use to sling patients from that jungle gym looking contraption when they had broken their whole bodies. They could comfortably form to and support someone of a “healthy” weight's butt (correction: make that a healthy middle aged, man. Ex-line backer to be specific).

I’m excited to sift through and try on all these cute bras. It will have to be trial and error because I had cut the tags out of them. I was embarrassed and afraid that someone would see my size. Most of my girlfriends wore size 34 and I hated being a 36. Now I’m a 38. I would lie about my bra size all the time, more so than any other article of clothing. Yup, my friends and I loved talking about our boobies and the great Secrets Victoria was keeping. (How I hate that place, I’ve never even looked good in a robe from there.) I’m pretty sure that all these bras span the time I was with the man who is currently my husband and he wouldn’t even know what those numbers mean. I probably cut those tags out so I could believe the lies I told my friends. Maybe I was paranoid they’d catch a glimpse of them in the locker room, my tags flapping around in the wind, warning of the Wide Load coming through. I don’t think I was being too paranoid, because we did (and still do) size each other up. Back then we were quite competitive.

I guess once I determine the bras that fit I’ll just appreciate that they don’t have the tags to distract from their sexy style.

Posted by hopeful @ 5:00 PM • Comments (2)

July 12, 2005

The evils that lurk at the mall

Remember how I mentioned that on any given day, exercise not included, I burn around 2000 calories?  Basically that is my BMR with a few added calories that one typically burns doing things like eating and walking to and from the fridge.  In order to lose 2 pounds per week I need to burn an extra 1000 calories a day (with a combination of exercise, so I don't starve, and securing my jaw with a padlock).

The other night my husband  asked me if I wanted to go to the mall.  We love going to the mall because they have this great cushion playground that our daughter loves.  We usually eat, then she plays, then we get Starbucks and head home.

After having crunched all those numbers for myself, I figured I would go look up the nutritional information of the foods that I normally ate when we went to the mall.  Below are the three charts from Sbarro's Pizza, Johnny Rockets, and Starbucks respectively.  I highlighted in green the items that I typically get.  I don't usually get the fries from Johnny Rockets, but have on occasion.  I've left in some information from what I think are commonly bought items. 

I've said it before, but I'm glad I don't eat meat.  It makes a big difference in fat content and calories.  The meat you buy at the store and prepare at home can't have nearly the amount of fat that these places inject into it.  I can't imagine what to do to make stuff so fatty.

Anywhoo, just one slice of pizza or a veggie burger (not including fries!) is 1/3 of my daily calorie intake and about half of the amount of fat I should have in a day.  What takes me nearly five minutes to scarf down, and leaves me not completely satisfied (and craving more), takes me about an hour to burn off with vigorous exercise! 

I now eat before I go to the mall.  I don't want to cancel out all of my hard work in 5 minutes time.  When I'm at my goal weight and maintaining, I could manage this a little better, but not when I need to lose.  I know why I was so fat before.  Back in the day I wouldn't think twice about having 2 (lie) or 3 (closer to the truth) slices of pizza.  I wouldn't dream of leaving out the 1/2 Fries & 1/2 Rings (720 cals!).  I probably ate closer to 2100 calories, not including Starbucks. That was just one of my many meals and snacks throughout the day!

I really feel more educated on all of this than ever before, or more realistically, I've finally pulled my head out of the sand and am facing the truth.  I feel stronger and empowered.  I won't go back to the way I was.

FOUNTAIN
Chocolate Shake	1100	540	60	92	36	180	210	70	120	40	56	16
Strawberry Shake	810	430	48	74	29	146	195	64	82	27	76	14
Vanilla Shake	1120	540	60	92	36	180	195	65	131	44	87	15
STARTERS
American Fries	531	204	23	34	6	27	0	0	77	25	0	7
Onion Rings	500	300	34	52	13	65	1	1	22	7	5	29
Cheese Fries	760	390	43	66	17	85	70	23	77	26	2	20
1/2 Fries & 1/2 Rings	720	330	36	55	6	30	0	0	92	31	5	9
Chili Bowl	680	530	59	91	26	130	110	37	12	4	0	24
Chili Fries	710	360	40	62	11	55	45	15	76	25	1	17
ORIGINAL HAMBURGERS
Original Burger	620	325	35	53	13	65	74	24	44	15	9	32
Streamliner (vegetarian)	420	140	16	25	4	18	0	0	50	17	10	26
Patty Melt	940	540	60	92	23	115	155	52	51	17	8	50
Rocket Double	1240	760	84	130	34	168	250	84	57	19	14	67
Rocket Single	880	510	57	88	20	100	140	47	56	19	14	40
SANDWICHES
Grilled Breast of Chicken	600	260	29	45	6	30	90	30	54	18	6	35
Grilled Cheese	520	280	31	48	16	80	65	22	42	14	3	22

Serving Size 16 fl. oz.   (grande, whole milk) Amt Per Serving Calories  260 Fat Calories  120 Total Fat (g)  14 Saturated Fat (g)  9 Cholesterol (mg)  55 Total Carbohydrates (g)  21 Sugars (g)  19 Protein (g)  14

Serving Size 16 fl. oz.   (grande, soy milk) Amt Per Serving Calories  210 Fat Calories  50 Total Fat (g)  6 Saturated Fat (g)  1 Cholesterol (mg)  0 Total Carbohydrates (g)  28 Sugars (g)  21 Protein (g)  11

Posted by hopeful @ 11:53 AM • Comments (3)

Size 14 is the new 16

Yesterday I put on a pair of size 14 jeans and they fit! They actually fit better than my size 16s when I first tried them.

Posted by hopeful @ 9:59 AM • Comments (1)

July 11, 2005

Fun Link

Thanks to Martha for this fun link about a fat man walking across the United States.

Posted by hopeful @ 12:11 PM • Comments (3)

184

I’m down two pounds. That feels so much better. It is really tough not getting too eager each week and keeping things in a healthy moderation. I have to work on not getting discouraged when I don’t lose or even when I slightly gain.

It’s so easy to say “screw it” I messed up “let’s eat!”

I don’t know where the rationalization is in compounding the problem and making it that much more difficult to get back on track.

I have to work on not being a slave to that number on the scale. It shouldn’t define me. I need to remind myself that, when I forget about the scale, I feel great. I’ve been lingering at the view of my reflection in the mirror and loving it. That is what should count.

After all, that number is quite arbitrary. We could have come up with another numbering system. Take the English and their stones, for example. According to one of those blokes, I weigh just over 13 stone.

13 is a nice small number and when I envision what the stone looks like, in my mind, it resembles more a pebble than a boulder.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:07 AM • Comments (2)

July 10, 2005

Chart 7/04/05

Here are the two progress charts. I'm still missing a bunch of people's weigh-in for the past few weeks. Hopefully people aren't getting discouraged. The holiday weekend wreaked havoc on a lot of us.

Progress Chart Group 1 - 7/04/05

Progress Chart Group 2 - 7/04/05

Posted by hopeful @ 11:46 PM • Comments (2)

July 8, 2005

P.S. I need your weight :-)

I want to post the progress charts this weekend (sorry I forgot last week). I need a bunch of updates from people. We take the good with the bad so don't be afraid to post it. This is the reality of being in it for the long haul. It's not all smooth sailing.
Thanks!

Posted by hopeful @ 4:15 PM • Comments (9)

Transported to the 80's

You know your aerobic tapes are old when you start having a crush on the man with a haircut like Kid from Kid ‘n play and the instructor has shoulder pads on her leotard that make her look as though she just stepped off the Starship Enterprise.

Speaking of which, I feel like I’m being transported back in time. My husband rescued me as I nearly left the house the other day wearing my capezios with 3 pairs of layered tube socks (pink, white, and turquoise of course).

Come to think of it, that outfit might still fly in New Jersey (where I’ll be in a week). It doesn’t, however, cut it here in California.

Posted by hopeful @ 10:45 AM

July 7, 2005

Obsessive Compulsive Mind Bender

Last week through me for a loop, so I went a did some research to learn a few things about losing weight.  I credit this site for all the great information I gathered.

In order to be the weight that I was before I started this website I must have been eating 3000-4000 calories a day. My weight had been steadily increasing since giving birth 17 months ago. I always assumed, because I was eating so much, that any decrease (even a little) would help me lose something. I WAS WRONG. It doesn’t work that way. A slight decrease would only make me GAIN a little slower.

Doesn’t that suck? Here’s how it works. Below are my stats.

Female 33, 5'2", 185 lb
BMI=33.8 (Body Mass Index, 20 more pounds until I’m considered just overweight instead of obese. Oh joyous.)
BMR=1,594 (Basal Metabolic Rate) the calories I burn when I’m doing nothing
RMR=1,497 (Resting Metabolic Rate) what I burn when I’m doing less than nothing

If I were to take in account some activities that I do in any given day the amount of calories I expend would go up.

Food - preparing, at home
136 calories in 1 hr
Eating – sitting – (plenty of this going on)
82 calories in 1 hr
Taking a Shower – (I work from home so I don’t take too many of these )
54 calories in 30 min
Dressing and Undressing – (I work from home, so not too much of this going on)
54 calories in 30 min
Watching - TV or movie
109 calories in 2 hr

I’m going to round the number, but maybe it’s safe to say that I burn 2000 calories on an average day (no exercise included)

That BMR and RMR are key numbers to know. Either one (probably more accurate to go with the RMR) is about the calories I need to eat to STAY THE SAME WEIGHT. That is to stay 185, it goes lower once I lose some weight.

It is important to know your BMR for whatever weight you are. You need to eat about 500 less calories a day than your BMR or RMR to lose 1 pound a week. Or better yet, so that you’re not starving, exercise can knock those calories out too.

Around 3500 calories will amount to a pound. In order to lose a modest 2 pounds per week you need to cut back or burn off 7000 calories.

See how tough this is?!

Here’s how it breaks down for me:
Aerobics - high impact = 441 calories in 45 min
So I better eat only 1500 calories a day at most.
If I do that amount of aerobic activity every day and eat only 1500 calories then I will lose 2 pounds in a week. In my next post I'll show how hard it is to eat no more than around 1500 calories a day.

WOW, that really puts things into perspective. It makes what we’re doing that much more amazing. For someone who came from eating thousands of calories to get used to eating only 1500, or so, is quite an accomplishment.  While on this obsessive compulsive mind bender I looked up some nutritional information of places where I sometimes eat out.  I'll post that next, but basically, I never want to eat out again.

I feel a lot better about my no loss last week.  It apparently takes quite a bit of work just to not gain (for me anyway).
 

Posted by hopeful @ 11:18 AM • Comments (5)

July 5, 2005

No loss this past week

It feels like forever since my last post. I weighed myself this morning and this past week I had no weight loss. I’m not surprised, I only worked out twice last week (preface that with a big “maybe”). I think that was the main thing that contributed to the unwavering scale.

Sleep is so important for me. Last week, I had a very busy week with work and was trying to get my daughter’s bedroom set up. (I installed base board molding and repainted, so far.) I basically went to bed, never, and was too tired to workout even when I could find the time.

It seems that I don’t lose any weight when I don’t work out. My eating was OK, although, it picked up over the holiday weekend. We ate out quite a bit but I didn’t over do it. I’m pretty sure anyway… Could I be having “black outs”? Am I “losing time”? Never underestimate the power of denial. But I always practice serious restraint, make sure that I eat less than the skinniest person at the table, and always leave leftovers that I don’t take home (sorry mom).

The life long effort of working really hard to maintain my weight is becoming more apparent. I’m cursed with almost no metabolism that is only fueled by constant activity. That would be fine if my job was aerobic instructor NOT computer programmer, the most sedentary profession ever. Maybe toll collectors are pretty stationary, but I don’t think they work the long hours that I do. They could also wear headsets and bounce around in their booth. I can’t type and bounce. Maybe I could attach my laptop to a stationary bike (the reclined kind) and pedal while I work. Oooo, patent pending! That’s my second one, I should become an inventor.

Posted by hopeful @ 12:42 PM • Comments (6)

July 1, 2005

Purging

I love when the local charity organizations leave big bags on our doorstep for us to fill so they can conveniently relieve us from our clutter. They must read my mind and know exactly when I need to do a “clean sweep”. As per-oozual , their timing was spot-on and this morning I left an elephant sized bag of clothes and memories on my doorstep for them to re-cycle.

Sometimes it’s really difficult to let go of certain items. For good or bad most of them conjure up memories. My husband was really surprised when I was able to point out why, where, or when I bought each article of clothing. He laid on our bed while I sifted through my closet and drawers reminding him of the significance of each and every piece. My first real job interview since when we started dating, one of our early trips to Boston to visit my brother, and the gradual progression of my weight gain. Those size 14 jeans looked so huge to me back then. At the rate I’m losing weight now, I might fit into them in a month or so.

I purged about half of what I own. I got rid of anything too big for me and anything unrealistically small. The ‘too small’ items where mostly from the 80s anyway. I’m keeping a range from a (hopeful) size 10 to my current size, 15/16. I will have a wicked and expansive wardrobe when I hit a size 12. Back in the day when I started gaining weight, I must have breezed through size 12 because I have a bunch of items that still have the tags on them. I surpassed that number so fast I never had a chance to wear them.

I cracked up at some of my “motivational” purchases. Tube tops, baby Tees, and a bunch of sheer things. Maybe I thought I’d be a slut if I were thin. That would explain the baby tee that says “Porn Star” (just kidding, the union never supplied us with anything like that… just kidding again).

I feel so refreshed today, having sent those clothes off to be enjoyed by someone else. I’m looking forward to re-assigning memories to the clothes that I kept and filling up the now empty shelves and drawers with a new character, the new me. I feel like a load has been lifted (pun intended).

Posted by hopeful @ 12:51 PM • Comments (1)