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June 2, 2005

Hello Neck

I am becoming reacquainted with my neck. I’ve noticed a shadow reappearing below my jaw line all around my face. Welcome back neck! I’m also seeing some bones. I had forgotten that I’m comprised of bones. I was under the impression that I had been magically inflated and tension was keeping me from collapsing into a big blob. I always did look like I was about to explode. I’m now seeing my clavicle (the bone that runs straight across your chest from shoulder to shoulder) and I swear I’m not shrugging my shoulders to see it. When I went to sleep last night I was lying on my back, which was totally uncomfortable before, and my stomach actually dipped below my ribs. Until recently I couldn’t sleep on my back. I wouldn’t be able to breathe very well and I would make gurgling sounds like sporadic snoring.

I’ve never been so happy to be 193. I actually feel thin (even though I’m technically NOT). When I hit this number on the upswing I was devastated. I’m also in better shape now than I was then. Exercise makes all the difference. I feel better physically and mentally.

When I first started gaining all this weight I was overworked and never exercised. I felt terrible about myself. I remember vividly when I was fast approaching 165 and my recently purchased “fat” pants were getting too tight. That was just the beginning of that repeated sequence. Each ten pounds just blew me away and I fell into a bigger and bigger slump.

Now, while I do celebrate each pound that comes off, I am making a bigger deal out of exercising, eating well, and health. Because that I can do even on the weeks where I don’t lose any weight. I have more energy and feel more positive now than I did when I was that 165. Contrary to popular opinion I bet I’m healthier now than I was then too. I do believe we can be these heavier weights and pretty healthy too. With that kind of attitude, in time, I think the weight loss would naturally follow. We’ll see won’t we?

Posted by hopeful @ June 2, 2005 11:11 AM