« Move over Paige Davis • Main • 198.6 »

May 6, 2005

Move over bacon

So I went to my meeting on Wednesday night. I didn’t weigh myself because I thought it would be too soon and I didn’t want to get discouraged if something went amiss with the scale. I was nervous the few days leading up to the meeting and didn’t get a chance to exercise as much and probably ate a little more than I should have. I still did well on my diet; I just hadn’t taken it to that extended notch I had mentioned in a previous post.

The most important thing is how I perceived myself, which makes all the difference. While I was getting ready I was feeling a little BIG. It’s like I have that body dysmorphia problem. If I feel big, I look big, if I feel small, I look small, regardless of my actual weight.

I was running around somewhat frantic because my husband was no help and we were running late. That made me hot, which made me feel even more gross. I then proceeded to squeeze into those “tummy tamer”, “body shaper”, whatever you call them underwear. Let’s not kid ourselves it’s a GIRDLE. Gross, gross, gross, now I’m a sausage. Creating so many issues for myself I sent myself into a mental whirlwind. After putting my makeup on I thought I looked like a transvestite but with no time to hose down and start over I just left.

As we were driving there (my husband and mini came too) I realized we weren’t late and started to relax a bit. Once we arrived my husband told me I looked beautiful, not as a token gesture either, he seemed to really mean it and almost sounded surprised. I decided to leave that vision of the transvestite pig back at home and regained control over my imagination. I pretended I was thin and cute. (I didn’t want to overdo it, I’m not sure I can pull off beautiful. Cute, I can do.)

My husband and mini left me at the door and I walked into the restaurant with total confidence. I felt really good and the night was a great. I could look all the guys in the eyes and smile without quickly looking away. I told stories and jokes and wasn’t afraid to command attention. I could tell my boss was proud. Not one glitch the whole night, it was perfect and I didn’t feel like a fat person for one second.

Posted by hopeful @ May 6, 2005 11:40 AM