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March 15, 2005

Dealing With The Cause

Just dieting and attacking the symptom is going to be a constant struggle if I don’t work on identifying and attacking the cause.

I know the cause. I just don’t want to think about it most of the time. Sometimes I think about it and I just get angry rather than doing anything to better the situation. Doing something about it requires some big life changes that scare the crap out of me. I wasn’t raised to take risks. I don’t feel like I have the true support that these risks would require. I would feel too alone.

I’m really unhappy today (these are the times where I’d just like to throw in the towel and eat a bottomless bag of cheetos, my favorite). I do this to myself a lot. I create this rollercoaster of highs and lows. I keep my feelings deep inside and appear to be happy and functioning. Then a frustration and anger develop about it. It’s like I PMS at the end of every week. The intervals of anger get closer together.

Today I feel like I hate my job and I hate my husband. I get angry because I give too much of myself away to other people and don’t know how to give to myself. I feel like I’ve been shafted. I want to learn take my life back.

I will continue to share more details of my crap situation.

Posted by hopeful @ March 15, 2005 12:03 PM