December 16, 2009

Doing a little bit better

I've had a slightly better grip on the powerlessness of the past few months. I'm down a few pounds and feeling better. I haven't made any significant changes in exercise or diet monitoring, so far I've just consciously (very consciously) chosen to eat less. I all but speak out loud to myself to restrain from eating certain things (or everything).

The past few months have been difficult. I'm still struggling to get pregnant while many people around me suddenly seem to be announcing their pregnancies. Last month, to no avail, we even tried artificial insemination. We'll probably try A.I. two more times. In vitro fertilization is out of the question for us because it is too expensive and my insurance doesn't cover it. (We can afford another child but to throw down 20 thousand dollars on a procedure that has a 20% chance of success isn't a gamble I'm willing to take)

There's a sadness I have that I can't really explain. It doesn't detract from my happiness for my friends who have gotten pregnant or the happiness I feel having my daughter but it exists and I'm coping with it.

A few of my daughter's friends have an "Elf on a shelf" and my daughter talks about it whenever she comes home from their house. Her friend's mom told her that the elf was Santa's helper monitoring how the siblings were getting along and reporting it back to Santa and the reason my daughter probably didn't have an elf come visit was because she is a good girl at home. Just last night, out of nowhere, my daughter told me that if she had a sister we'd have an elf. Those little things break my heart.

I'm not going to give up trying the conventional way to have children (for a while). Trying has also been motivation for eating better and getting healthier.

It was cool to see some familiar faces in the recent comments, hi guys!

Posted by hopeful @ 2:41 PM • Comments (1)